MintDelight

Toast, ODD and German

2011-01-21T15:13:00.000-08:00

To have got to the third week in January and still having a wonderful year! I've been making big in roads with Thing One, had a few glitches, made a few discoveries but no major set backs. I've been taking her out every week for dinner and last week we went to see The Kings Speech. It was fabulous. I'm not sure that it was really Thing One's thing but as she has squandered all her History lessons at school by staring into space and fiddling with her hair I'm just hoping that some of it went in. Colin Firth is wonderful in it and I hope he wins some awards. Helena B H also fab. She was also in Toast which we watched over the Christmas Holidays and it has had a lasting effect. I've always been a fan of Nigel Slater, my plum jam that I make annually is made with one of his recipes but I didnt know much about Nigel the person and it was so sad it made Thing Two and I cry. Cried all the way through it. His mother dying of lung disease raised the old smoking issue with thing two and I relented and said I'd give up...have kept my word, think I've had 2 since..when drinking wine. Back to the subject of Thing One, we've been referred to CAMS and I'm hoping that they can help me steer her back onto a more productive path as I'm concerned about her leaving school with no qualifications and stuggling later on. I'm in process of choosing a private maths tutor and have pretty much avoided any outside family interferance as they criticize me and tell me I'm too soft whereas I know it is not me who is behaving badly but her and there's a limit to how much I can do and yelling and screaming at her to do things is counterproductive. Removing things from her is also counterproductive and I suspect she may be suffering from ODD. BUT she is now eating again and she goes to school. Her German teacher sent me some homework for her to try and catch up and it has become clear that she can't speak a word of German after having been having lessons for 3 years she told me that one of the boys in her class watched an entire episode of The Inbetweeners on his phone during one of her lessons recently. Very observant teacher...not that I'd want her job...I'd rather share a bed with skunks than try and teach 14 year olds.

Thought I'd chuck a picture of Helena as the Red Queen in here as well...Thing Two is nuts about The Red Queen and when/if she ever gets a revamped room she wants it done in the Theme of Red Queen. Might be able to rise to that little challenge. We shall see. xx

2011!!! Finally a lovely New Year

2011-01-03T11:37:00.000-08:00

Now that I've got a nice new shiny year to fill I feel it's about time I did a posting. It's been a strange few months...but I'm still intact as are the things. Had some rather hellish times with my difficult teenager and I expect there will be more but I feel better equipped to deal with it now that I've been "cured" by very nice therapist. Our sessions are now over and I wouldn't say I was an expert in her chosen field, cognitive behaviour therapy or CBT but I've nabbed a few bits from it regarding flexible thinking, zig zag effects and self acceptance. Apparently I really must write it all down as according to Claire (therapist) research has been done and after 6 months those that didn't record their efforts and findings forgot the entire lot. Must write it down.
Not going to write that little lot down here but will report some hots and not so hots since my trip to Denmark.
Hot
The arrival of Whiskers, she's now 6 months old and belongs to Thing Two, she was a gift on her birthday.

My solar panels - I've got 8 and they generate electricity that goes straight to my electric box under the stairs. They are solar voltaic which means they are activated by light not sunshine which is just as well here in the uk.

The two new girls at work - they're awesome - love them

The arrival of Denis...met Denis in the autumn and we had a little romance and I really enjoyed his company.

Moving Thing Two's school, well I'm happier, the journey is longer and we both felt a sense of relief when we left the old place.

I got a new replacement table. It's almost the same but wee bit smaller. I got it on the insurance and made Thing one pay the excess. I also got a new fridge

Having a retreat in the gorgeous blogs that I read regularly read, when I step into the worlds of Mimosa, Wee Wonderfuls, Posy gets Cosy, Angry Chicken, Little Cotton Rabbits and Jane Brocket it's like I'm enveloping myself in a pink fluffy blanket.

Not Hot
Having to deal with cat litter!!! ooooky

The snow that arrived just before Christmas, as usual it looked lovely but what a pain in the neck.

We didn't get a Christmas work do/ball - we did get a meal paid for but I'm going to write and complain. I like getting done up and going out to a nice hotel to have a jolly good dance with nice food.

Dumping Denis...feel very guilty but unfortunately, it didn't work out.

The new table. It's taking a long time to be able to look at it and not feel a twinge of anger. I also had to replace the fridge/freezer after Thing One's exploits.

Thing One's appalling behaviour over the last 3 months. No point pretending its been a breeze it has not. Its been a nightmare. Am learning to accept that she is not the little girl she was and have formed a mindset that she is like a caterpillar who has formed a pointy and unpleasant cocoon and will eventually breakout of it and become a beautiful butterfly. All I can do is guide when necessary, clean her room and make sure she actually eats, give her lifts and keep her safe.

Getting flu right before Christmas and having it through my entire 2 week holiday! Could barely eat Christas dinner so invited friends over on New Years Day for a roast been dinner with mince pies and champagne.

I have big plans for this year and am hoping to be creative and adventurous.
Happy New Year to one and all
xxx

Denmark - Lalandia Resort Holiday

2010-10-05T15:44:00.000-07:00

Finally I update the blog...its only a month late and as they say better late than never. Selecting the photo's has been difficult as I took lots. Also decided that rat her than write an entire blog entry I'd simply insert the review that I wrote for Trip Advisor as its pretty much sums up our time spent. But I will say one thing. I really had a very relaxing time and the girls were lovely, good fun, helpful and pleasant. Yes I am talking about my offspring. That is what made it so nice...they were GOOD. Forgot to mention the nudity! the Danes have no inhibitions. They love saunas and the place had the most amazing spa. There was also the most horrendous/amazing slide ride that I've ever been on. It was like being flushed down the loo! This is what I wrote.

We've just returned from a trip from Lalandia and there are many good things I can say please read this so that you can get the best from your trip....my advise would be:
1) Do not book online - phone them up and insist that you are close to the main building if you don't have a car. Me and my daughters flew in and as a result of booking online our house was a good 20 minutes by foot from the main building where the restaurants and aquadome is. 20 minutes may not sound too long but if you run out of milk etc you're looking at a 40 minute round trip. There is a fun train but it doesn't run all day during the week. The staff at Lalandia refer to it as an additional fun attraction but they're kidding themselves...pretty sure their guests rely on this train as a means of transport. I asked if we could be moved as the weather was awful and we just kept getting drenched but the houses are all privately owned and it would have meant starting an entire new lease...again not something you're made aware of when you book.
2) when you do arrive and are given your house number ask them to write down the main reception number...I say this so that you can avoid walking 20 minutes in the rain with your kids and your suitcases only to find you can't get in as they didn't explain the mechanism of the door. (you type in a code and then you have to wait for this knob behind the door to turn itself round) so there we are at the door, in the dark, in the pouring rain and had to walk all the way back leaving our cases outside to get some help to open the door. We were given a new code but still they didn't explain about door mechanism.
3) Get to the restaurants nice and early - not like us...after our door fiasco we turned up to eat just as everything closed...luckily a waitress took pity and found us some cold leftover lasagne from the buffet.
4) about the door again...we got locked in the following morning as we still didn't know about the door mechanism. A maintenance man finally showed us how the door worked.
5) You can't store your swimming items in the lockers in the Aquadome but you can leave them in the service centre...no one will tell you this but its worth doing if you want to pop into town without carting heavy swimming bags.
6) Take as much food and provisions as possible. Its not cheap in the shop. Take loo rolls, washing up liquid, oil, tea bags etc. oh and crisps.. I paid £2.50 for a large bag.
7) Internet. There is wi fi but not laptops to go on..for that you need to walk to Billund, about a 20 mintues walk. Internet usage is free in the library.
8) The town of Billund will almost definately be a huge disappointment. It reminded me of a cross between the Barbican and Harlow New Town in the 70's. Nothing there but sport shops. But we did love that library
9) Clothing - forget sarongs...Peter Storm and Helly Hensen are en vogue at Lalandia but if you dont pack your rain mack like I didn't you can always buy a plastic poncho and walk round looking like a plastic bag for the duration of your trip.
10) If you have a birch silver/birch allergy like I do make sure you take plenty of anti-histamines. There are hundreds of these tress.
On the upside. The aquadome...It's fantastic!! The Danes aren't uptight about things...there's no silly rules like we have at home. If you forget your socks in the ball pit - its no problem. The place works well and is generally well organised but I think there should probably be more supervision at the top of the bigger rides. The houses are really really nice. The main building is pretty ugly. Enjoy your trip! We did come back feeling better than we left and are laughing about our door issues and cold lasagne now we're home..

Just So Festival and total disaster

2010-08-31T15:18:00.000-07:00

Now where was I, ah yes, about to head off on a double barrelled holiday. Beginning with the Just So Festival which I found in The Bookseller. Literary and Inspirational Festival aimed directly at children. Set off with just myself and Thing Two, Thing One opted not to come as it really not her thing. Journey was good, only 3 things went wrong, went the wrong way up the A515 almost ended up in Birmingham, added additional 40 minutes onto journey time, popped into some service station toilets and accidentally trailed bottom of trouser leg in something that I thought was water - it was not - it was urine. Went into loo smelling of Marc Jacobs Daisy and came out stinking like I'd been wee'd on by 60 dogs. Attempted to dry leg under dryer and attracted lots of strange looks. Think they thought I was doing the Can Can. Got stuck on M11at beginning of journey but it all turned out ok - the accident was going the other way. Arrived in remote farm near Leek, supposed to be 6 other families there camping in Farmers Field as festival field fully booked unfortunately none of the other families turned up so it was just us, the two of us, all on our own in the rain surrounded by cows. Farmers granddaughter came and made friends with Thing Two, they got on really well, sent Thing Two up to farm with tin of curry to open as I'd forgotten my tin opener and she returned saying we were to go to the Farm for drinks and pudding..Hooray! Ended up in farmers kitchen with dozens of family members being plied with wine (I'd already drunk 2 glasses before I got there) and eating home made blackberry and apple crumble. So friendly. Got up bright and early and went to festival. Festival was completely awesome. We joined in with a special production of the Pied Piper opera. I was a citizen and thing two was a rat. We had to learn operatic songs and perform to an audience. We did a fairy trail and got to meet the fairy queen, made sandcastles, met The Gardeners (specially dressed ladies giving away seeds), made badges with the RSPB, did an outdoor activity circuit, made a lantern in preparation for the lantern parade, watched a black and white silent movie in a makeshift cinema fully decked out with plush red seats and much much more. Then disaster struck. It was whilst we were having a story read to us in the story tent by a prolific children's author that I got the call. Thing One phoned to say that my 5 foot wide very very expensive round glass table had smashed. She offered a crap explanation and I pretty much exploded. Had to leave the festival to go in search of cigarettes to calm myself down. Very nearly drove all the way home there and then but decided to return to festival as it not fair on thing two. Managed to get back into the swing of it...just. Ate a big pile of noodles and found the lantern parade to be a total tonic. Pretty aggravated by mother in law suggested I should not be uptight over table. Ignored this. Not uptight. Positively murderous. Drove home at 100mph following day - did accidental detour of Stoke on Trent followed by purposeful detor of thing ones friends parents house to get full story before murdering thing one. Turned out she'd had a party. Thing one's friends mother went bonkers - her reaction could be heard in New Zealand. They had both lied about staying at each others houses and had snuck into house. Friends turned up stoned (they get their weed from older siblings...how utterly disgusting) and with vodka and big bottle of Bulmers, she not able to control them. Someone jumped on table, cracked it and of course when her friend tried to move it the following morning it disintegrated. Anyway, went potty, passed sentence on thing one, she not allowed friends in house for one full year and not allowed to go to anyone else's sleepover either. She is also paying the excess on the table insurance. This money is coming directly from her savings. Found loads of things broken. Felt violated, sad and sickened by whole experience. BUT as we heading off to Denmark the following day I decided to let it go and make the most of our holiday. Denmark details to follow...and it was a lovely holiday. Thing one totally repentant and very much changed for our time away.

Summer Fruits

2010-08-09T14:25:00.000-07:00

My summer holidays may be a rollercoaster ride but I know that sooner or later I'll even out onto a less dramatic level...well I hope so anyway! I've joined a gym and have been swimming 4 times in the last week, have taken both things, each with a friend and I've spent time in the gym, mainly sprawled across powerplates being vibrated to an inch of my life and I've bought a new dress...Guess What!!! It's a size 10. Yee haa. Today has been so lovely I just had to record it here. We have one of thing two's school friends for the day and night, we've been to The Lakes and to The Ada Cole Horse Rescue Centre. We've picked blackberries and baked a very very berry and apple sponge.nbsp;&

Summer hols

2010-08-02T02:31:00.000-07:00

I absolutely cannot fathom where all the time has gone! It's August 1st already and we're a week into the summer holidays. Summer holidays had a truly horrendous start, on the final day of term I decided to check with the last few mums who hadn't replied to Thing Two's birthday invitation. I've been getting a very bad vibe off some of these women of late. So it came as no surprse to get a few declines, but to have one of them point blank refuse to discuss invitation with me was rather a shock...she looked shocked that I would even dare speak to her and referred me to the head...
Her "I can't discuss with you, you need to speak to head teacher"
Me "sorry, what you talking about?" I was in state of total confusion having simply asked if snot face coming to party.
Her "You know, you discussed with Mrs West"
Me "What did I discuss with Mrs West?"
Her " About Thing two hurting snot face"
Me WTF. Brain went into over drive as I recall several months previous having gone to discuss thing two being bullied by girls in classroom and instead of thing two's issues being addressed I was told that Thing two had given snot face a chinese burn. I'd pulled appropriately appalled face and gone home where thing two had told me her and snot face had had a tiff in the line to the teacher, snot face had grabbed thing two's arm, so thing two had grabbed snot face's arm, snot face started crying so teacher told Thing Two to say sorry. End of story...or so you'd think. Nope, school still investigating alleged assault. Snot face mother convinced thing two some kind of deviant monster - also convinced I also some kind of evil wrong doing parent. I disgusted and flew sobbing wildly to head teachers office where head teacher secretive, facetious and unsupportive. I complain to school governors about lack of communication (no one told me we were under investigation 3 months down the line, failure to inform me how seriously snot face mother taken this, failure to ask thing two for her side of story, epic failure). No one is going to vilify my child and not have me to answer to!!! I no accept this. I still deeply offended. I mean how long does it take to deal with a tiff in a line of 8 yr olds. What planet does snot face mother live on!! She lives Cotton Wool Avenue, Planet Perfect. I phone Parent Line, they nice people. I so much stress I seek counselling.
But that was but day one and since then have taken Thing two and friend, HH camping. See photo's. HH more energy than thing two or I put together, lost 2 Lb on weekend playing badminton, cricket and spending whole hour on beach searching for lost car keys...(could only happen to me) they were going to get metal detector at one point but turned out I left keys in car and they laying on desk in campsite office. Pheeew. See photo's.
One other thing. My mother went to Bolivia where she was robbed of camer and glasses. Am sort of glad she back except that everytime we speak she has mental list of my own list of things to do list and runs through it all wanting to know when I am going to do stuff. I've told her to stop doing this as it giving me additional unwanted pressure. Whilst mother in South America running up mountains and looking at historical artefacts it was Fathers Day for some reason I googled bioligical father and found his death notice in his local paper in Taunton, he died 22nd March 2009. No one told me. Informed my mother last night on phone and she say "Ooh fancy that". That was all she had to say. The girls great grandmother also passed away and girls got to go to their first funeral.
I'm putting some photo's on of the good times as its important to focus on them - Happy days. Camping trip was to Hemsby and Norfolk Broads. Highlight of weekend was swimming in the sea and having a seal swim past us about 10 foot away. Awesome. xx PS I know I should not refer to snot face as snot face but she really is rather snotty.

Jamaica

2010-06-21T11:27:00.000-07:00

Holiday
On May 31st Thing one and I set off on a little Caribbean adventure. Much as I'd like to say it was Reggae, Rum and fun that would be a little far from the truth, there was Reggae, there was copious amounts of Rum and yes some fun was involved but ha ha there is a catch. I had a teenager with me. One who wouldn't shift out of first gear on the morning of our flight. Consequently I had to tear round the M25 with my foot flat to the floor cursing at her to speak louder when giving me the instructions on how to get there (she was either whispering or my ears have gone as well as my eyesight). With my heart pounding and having kittens we finally pulled into the carpark at Gatwick Airport, I still wasn't even sure we were at the right carpark but it was a park with cars in and that was good enough. We were in the right place. Then there was a bus to take us to the terminal, kittens still emerging we finally got into a queue the length of John O'Groats to Lands End, oddly enough we were the last of the 275 passengers bound for Montego Bay to check in and with no seats left together and thing one still glued to her blackberry I finally lost it and shrieked at her did she understand what that meant. "What?" said the gormless thing stood next to me . "We can't sit together" I said a little bit too happily. "I'm not sitting anywhere but with you" she whispers but just loud enough for poor lady on desk who's already told me she was busting for a pee and had been for the last hour. "She's 13" I announced by way of explanation. She promptly stuck us in First Class. Anything to get rid of us and rush off to the loo. What a result. Flight was delayed...tut tut First Choice. I kept glancing on the board at the word "Delayed" and all of a sudden it changed to "Flight Closing". Well you'd have to have been there to appreciate how funny it was to see 275 people dive from shops, drop their forks, grab their baggage and all head at top speed to the Gate, it was truly hysterical. People were literally sprinting to it. Then we all sat in the gate area for 20 minutes until it opened. Of course, if you travel first class you'll know that you get to get on first anyway. Thing one broke her shoes in the dash. As I'd asked her about 300 times to pack you'd have thought she'd have brought some others but no, just a pair of flip flops, in fact her case was pretty much empty. I suppose I could've done it for her but I didn't, I figured that one really needs to get to grips with packing at some point. Women on desk actually said "Wow, this case is very light - is there actually anything in it". Once finally on the plane I spent the entire time getting exceedingly drunk whilst chatting to dreadlocked giant man sat next to me. I've never got drunk on a plane before and its not something I'd recommend. Its one thing to have your bedroom spinning but to have the plane doing it is gross. So that was the journey. Jamaica is extraordinarily beautiful. Outside our apartment which was quite high up there were the hugest butterflies I've ever seen, hundreds of them, all different colours. To the back of the apartment were trees, trees, and more trees. I even spotted a hummingbird one morning. The sky was brilliant blue, the sand powdery and white and the sea filled with tropical fish that swam right up to you. Blues, purples, stipey orange and white. Spent quite a bit of time snorkeling whilst building up my tan. Now did I go a nice sunkissed shade of caramel or did I resemble a pink and white striped zebra for the best part of the holiday? I'll let you figure that out. I met adorable friends, Mel, Kel, and Smell. I'll let you decide for yourself as well on this one by checking out the photo. Adorable or rough as old crocodile skins? But they kept us company at night anyhow. Thing one developed a clam like approach to anyone that spoke to her. Which proved rather embarrasing for her. She also wouldn't go up to any of the food counters without me by her side. So we've come along way since she was a toddler? We only had one row, where I did Bat out of Hell impersonation. I'd just about had enough of conversations that went a bit like this.
Me "Are you ready to go out Thing One? You look lovely"
Her "yep"
Me "Do I look ok?"
Her "No-one cares what you look like"

or
Me "Can't wait to go to Dunns Falls"
Her "Not going"
Me "Why not?"
Her "Don't want to, only care about getting tan"
Me "Well, I'm not leaving you here so you'd better get prepared for it"

It was during one of the excursion arguements that I finally tipped over the edge and I vaguely remember flying across the room and landing pretty much on top of her, telling her exactly what I thought of her. I wont repeat it on here as its not pretty! Things improved thereafter and we went to Dunns Falls which was awesome, she had a wonderful time. They do make you perform like monkeys though...could do without that. Revenge I think. And who can blame them? Lets see now, we could make all these stupid white tourists stand in freezing water waving their arms about whilst videoing them. My only bug bear...rep told me trainers would be fine, but on arrival the other rep pointed at them and said "Why u wear dem, ya, no one else where dem, dey all wear the hire shoes?" The entire coach load of people all stood and stared at my feet and they were indeed all wearing water shoes. I pointed out that my rep had said it ok and she's "Ya Man, I seen so many people bad accident in trainers" Thanks for that. Made me feel just great as I was about to climb up a huge great towering waterful. Ps If you ever go to Dunns Falls, trainers are just fine.
The food was excellent, so much choice. The only horrible meal I had was on the Jamaican Night...shouldn't really admit to this but it was ick. Picked up a triangular thing that looked like something in batter, underneath it was a label which read "Yummy". It was anything but. Like eating bits of old rubber.
Managed to read 2 books whilst away. Envy by Anna Godsbergen and something by Jeffrey Archer which was surprisingly good and given to me by a Canadian man who has invited me to meet him in St Maartens in the Autumn.
Enough for now. Have more blog catch up to follow as lots of events have been occuring. Some good some bad, mainly bad. Haven't the energy for it right now.

xxx

Garment finished yippee

2010-05-25T12:04:00.000-07:00

Hi fellow bloggers and fans!

I have now finished dress number 2....and now I know I'll never be a seamstress. Dress has been headache - looks ok now and at least I can wear it and know that it wasn't made in a sweatshop by low paid Indians or children (suspect they'd make a better job than I though). On the first dress fitting I discovered bodice too small so had to unpick seams and undo darts to salvage some fabric to fit round my rather rotund chest. Because of that the bodice seams no longer matched the skirt seams to I had to chop top of skirt off...oh bum de bums. Still, its kept me out of trouble for a couple of days. Dress needs black pointy shoes and thick black belt. Photo not do dress justice. Paid visit to Thing Two's teacher today and presented her with Thing Two's diary - I told thing two to keep diary for 2 weeks about her experiences with friends in playground and in general. Tis damning evidence of daily bullying. Bullying by Little Miss Ratbag. Little Miss Ratbag exceedling jealous of thing two regardless of Little Miss Ratbag living in enormous house with electric gates, a swimming pool in garden, being driven round in giant car with tinted windows worth more than my house and possessions put together, she also gets to holiday in Florida for 3 weeks every year. I could go on but why she should be jealous of thing two God only knows. Also had follow up phone call from thing one's school regarding my meeting where I complained about lack of teaching and teachers especially in History and Geography. Anyway school rang to let me know something will be done so I pointed out that this weeks History lesson had consisted of all class members being hande a word search on Henry VIII - lesson done. How appalling is that!!!

Cannot wait for weekend. Have an event and a party to go to, so have been sunbathing all week in order to glow...not red but a nice glowing shade of caramel would be nice.
bye for now xx

Good day, bad day

2010-05-19T14:37:00.000-07:00

I've knocked up another little dress for thing two. This ones is a bit more day to day than the French Toile dress. I might put some rick rack at bodice level..but as she likes dress as it is I don't really need to.

I've also been buying items left right and centre from e-bay, including 3 books. Two of them are books from my childhood, had to buy an expensive vintage copy of The Tree that Sat down by Beverley Nichols. I've bought it for Thing two but am reading it myself to remind myself why it was so special to me. I've also picked up a copy of When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit as Thing Two has a fascination with WWII at the moment and a copy of Green Smoke. I read Green Smoke when I was about 8 and it spawned several years worth of holidays to Constantine Bay in Cornwall and a life time thing about King Arthur. I insisted on going to Tintagel and used to dream about Sir Lancelot, the round table and Camelot. Camelot in my mind being a huge magical castle (think disney but made of bricks and mortar in the Cotswolds oh and of course a huge moat).

All round its a been a better week than last week. Last Monday Thing One refused point blank to get up and go to school. Waged War on thing one and managed to get her there in the first break. Managed to do this by confiscating her phone, she somehow managed to get hold of my phone and hid it. I was actually meant to be at work at this point! Anyway, phone situation caused bit of a stale mate but not for long. Hurled her school bag, shoes and blazer out of front door and told her she was next if she didn't get going of her own accord. She went. Was so distraught by events that I organised big meeting with her school who have promised to support me, have also got a report from all her teachers which was surprisingly good. Teenagers eh!!! Also had cause to visit Thing Two's head teacher re the bullying in her classroom. I mentioned in my last post or maybe the one before that her best friends mother had said that Maddie was not to play with Thing Two....totally baffled by this. Anyway, she then proceeded to remove Maddie from the school completely. Total havoc from Thing Two. So many rumours, all of them unpleasant some of them involving thing two, quite a nighmare. Tis settling down now.

This week we are eating only food cooked from scratch. What this means is that I spend ages in the kitchen and end up binning most of it. Yesterday we all made together 3 huge home made pizzas with a zillion toppings. I ate mine, they left theirs....why do I bother?

Mixed Bag this Weekend!

2010-05-09T10:09:00.000-07:00

I've had a rollercoaster of a weekend and am quite glad its over. I'll start with the good stuff. First of all, check out the photo of the dress I made for Thing Two last week. It's made of French Toile from Laura Ashley and cost about £8 to make. The second photo is of my Luffa plants with their home made wigwams for support made from the chopped down eucalyptus which is still need of removing from garden. Lets hope they grow some and give me a big harvest of luffa sponges, general idea of growing them is to replace my synthetic sponges and that of my friends and family with something a bit more natural. I've also been visiting antiques centres all week and have selected the above vase as although its retro, designed by Anita Harris and is called Izzy the Owl, I've been watching antiques programmes for yonks and decided to collect a few pieces as investments for the future. I picked this one up for half the price it would go for currently if I were to auction straight away. It wont always sit out of the way in my room, this is just temporary till I find a suitable place. So, I've been pretty domesticated all week and then I hit the town with the Prawn on Friday night which ended in total disaster, now the Prawn always drinks wine to my vodka and it always goes straight to her head and she quite often is twice as drunk as I, Friday was no exception. We went to a singles night just out of town, it got to about 11:30pm and I could see she was on her way so I put her in the smoking area (not for smoking - but to get her out of club and sat on bench while we waited for taxi) anyway the owner of the club came and told me she'd had an enquiry about me so off I went for 5 minutes to meet suitor. Came back and the Prawn was gone - turns out she had slumped forward and slid onto floor face first, unfortunately smashing head on concrete floor. Oh God!!! That was just start of it all, we had to get her from the loos into a soft seating area then wait for an ambulance. Once at the hospital she was put into a cubicle with a rehydrating drip and we were left till 5am. I sat in chair and tried to sleep but couldn't. She snored till 4am then woke and had major concussion. Was like being with totally crazy person. We had the same conversation about 30 times, which always began with her saying "Why am I here", I'd explain it all and then 5 minutes later she'd ask me again. I managed to get back to my house at 6:30 am. What a nightmare. She seems to be in a place of denial and is telling everyone that her drink had clearly been spiked. Yeah righto!! I am so glad she is ok though - they kept her in last ngiht and she has some fractures in face but nothing that wont settle. Major wake up call. Went to visit twice yesterday with various items and will pop and see her tomorrow night.

On a much lighter note I did The Race for Life today. Had a brilliant run. Really enjoyed it. Just what I needed.

xxx

Bank Holiday Monday

2010-05-03T14:09:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up and finally feel better. Can't tell you how glad I am. Had a quality day with the Prawn and Thing Two at the Fun Day in Much Hadham. Blossoms galore and the sun was out, albeit not very strongly due to winds. I picked up some vintage Wade Whimsies for 50p for two on a stall - Bargain. Apart from that the Fun Day was a bit of a flop so headed to very beautiful garden centre where they serve free tea and coffee. See - there is a God! I also had a slice of fruit cake, since I'd woken up with a craving for it. Am giving stomach whatever it requests for a few days and so far thats been limited to Heinz tomato soup, cornish pasties and rice crispies. Did attempt a roast dinner last night but ate very little of it. Whilst I've not been well Thing Two has been creating pastels and today she displayed them for me to purchase. I chose 4 which came to £2.90. I received a proper receipt, care instructions and a voucher for 15% off my next purchase. Am very pleased with my buys and have framed them ready to put up already. Last night I had a huge burst of energy and made her a dress. It's finished all for a button to be sewn on. Photo to follow. Am planning to surprise her with a dress in same fabric (French toile from Laura Ashley) for Coco the bear.
xx

the Whole Wide World

2010-04-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

First I've got to mention Oakley or Little O as his parents thought of him. I mentioned last post that he had gone missing, very unfortunately Little O had wandered into something he couldn't get out of and has passed on to cat heaven leaving a very heartbroken family behind him. This is a photo that I picked up on Facebook. How stunning a pusscat was he!! I can see why they are so upset.

Yes, it is 4:14 am and yes I should be asleep but am not. This is down to the fact that my body clock is all over the place, it all started on Tuesday morning when I woke up feeling rather queasy. So queasy that the things had to fend for themselves food and lunchboxwise while I posed ill-like on sofa. That was the beginning of my food poisoning. Been in bed only venturing out occasionally ever since. Have eaten about 4 bits of toast, 3 satsuma oranges, a fish finger sandwich (big mistake) and had a craving for Mcdonalds yesterday (another big mistake). Consumed almost entire bottle of Lucozade today and think thats why I am awake. Love Lucozade though. Do not love fact that entire week has been written off. So hope I feel better in the morning. Now onwards to "stuff occuring". You don't need to leave the house and do stuff to have an entire headful of stuff ot say. We have election fever going on here and everythings a bit political...no escape from it. I've even downloaded both main party's manifesto's. Now I've got a bit of a socialist streak running through me - always have had but am struggling as all party's seem similiar and to be fair - I'm not doing too badly these days....in fact I'm doing rather well. What I'd really like is this and I'm not sure how anyone can deliver it. I'd like our country to be one where you can feed the ducks without being fined £80 for littering, where grandmothers don't get electronically tagged and their sons end up doing community service for selling goldfishes to under 18's sent by spies to catch you out. Where if you strike a deal with a colleague to help each other out with childcare you don't run the risk of being reported to Ofsted and ending up in court for illegal childminding. These are all things that have happened here. There are probably hundreds of other equally incredulous stories out there where these types of things occur daily. We're all so angry, who can quell this anger and where did it come from? Someone deliver a wee bit of harmony- please. Suspect I am asking the impossible.
Talking of anger - I am pretty cross with Thing Two's Teacher. On Friday all the kids in the class (girls mainly I believe) put their names in a hat to do Cheerleading. The teacher couldn't take all of them so this was how it was deemed to be fair. Ok so far. Thing two's name didn't come out of the hat - still ok. Then the only boy chosen announced he didn't want to go so the teacher gave his place to another little boy who put his hand up. Not ok - what happened to the hat system? So off they all trot to do their cheerleading and thing two goes outside for lunchbreak and spends 20 minutes wandering round field trying to find a friend to play with and the next 20 minutes desolate as the realisation sets in that although there were 2 other names left in the hat both of them are off sick. So actually the teacher has chosen everyone in entire class except her. Not happy - am going to write complaint. My other gripe (and yes I'm afraid entire post today is either sad or gripey) is that Thing one has bad attitude to race, and apparently yesterday her father had a big row with mop head (don't get me wrong - she's only called mop head because of her hair - I actually have total respect for his partner) due to his polital discourse toward race. I can only assume he's going to vote BNP. Do not think that this row was one to have infront of impressionable 13 year old. That would be the 13 year old who knows nother of our Empire, our colonisation of countless countries, nothing of the Commonwealth, nothing of the Vietnamese boat people, the Ugandan crisis, of the European Union, of countless other historical factors that explain how people have migrated in and out of the UK. Yes she knows nothing of any of this and I've no faith in her school teaching her any of it either. I am going to ponder on this. How to ensure my children don't become bigots and how to ensure they become compassionate and knowledgeable caring individuals. I wonder if she'd respond to 10 minute history shots on the way to school disguised as lessons for thing two? That might work. It'll have to be good though to combat what he's telling her. It was this that was keeping me awake at 4am and hence post in middle of the night. Now that I'd got it off my chest I might be able to go back to sleep.
Oh the woes of parenthood. Good night. And Whitney and Wayne - I am deeply sorry for your loss.
xxxx

the month the weather got better!! Hallelujah!!

2010-04-24T03:39:00.000-07:00

Ah, the sun is shining and I'm still not up. Am going to do my ironing in the garden today. Before I have to drive all way to Lakeside, very big bone of contention. Thing Two has been invited to a party and its a Build a Bear Party, there are about 7 guests and the party girl's mother is taking the bulk of them in her car - but not Thing Two!! Really hacked off, how did she decide which guests to take. Then there is the car of Maddie, now bear in mind that I've had Maddie to tea and taken her to Brownies numerous time and have taken her to the circus and on day trip to London, but there's no room in that car either and even if there was I suspect Thing Two would not be welcome as something fishy going on and Maddies mother has decided that Maddie not allowed to play with thing two and I dont know why. Then there is the car of Ryan, who I also took free of charge to circus, fed him and delivered him back to his doorstep, no room there either. Am trying to look on bright side and have come up with the following positives.
1 - I get to sit in party with mum who didn't take my child
2 - I get to spend money on petrol
3 - I get to spend at least an hour and a half in car whilst its sunny outside
4 - I get to go to Lakeside which I hate with a vengeance - Yay I can't wait.
But enough of my moaning....here's some hots.
Hot - Book fair, went with 2 work colleagues, didn't spot any celebs this year but bagged some lovely freebies including a tea towel. Most amusing observation at book fair was seeing two grown men in suits sat discussing in earnest the rights (I'll assume) of a book they were both studying intensely. Boot was entitled "Tilly and her ponies". Don't know why I found it so funny, guess it just tickled me.
Hot was trip to Brighton with coach load of women. Wont call them ladies as once they all on coach all decorum vanished. It was a lovely day but when we got there I was busting to get on beach but couldn't as friends wanted to a) go to pub and b) go shopping. HAve to confess to getting really fed up and when the right moment came along I vanished and went to beach on own and sent them all texts saying "gone to gaze at sea". Eventually they came and found me....so I happy with that. Beach packed and very sunny so we went and sat in bar in the shade....aaaaagh.
Not hot - missed Happening at Hound by Fistfunk productions - gutted. Would have like to have had the day in Brighton and the night back in my hometown.
Very hot - I wallpapered and painted my bathroom. Wallpaper is gorgeous and I can't stop looking at it. See picture of duckegg blue paper with birds.
Also wallpapered my bedroom (once I get going there is no stopping me) bought simply sumptuous fabric from Laura Ashley and made panelled and fully lined curtains. They really nice and match my wallpaper. I am feeling very creative at the moment.
Not hot
Oakley has gone missing. Oakley belongs to my friends Wayne and Whitney who live in Tennesse and Oakley is super lovely cat. Am heartbroken for them. Really hope he comes home very soon.
Not hot
My own cat, Lily is acting oddly, think she may have depression. She not speaking to me and when I pick her up she bats me one and escapes. Have realised why she not as agile as other cats and why her coordination is so bad...basically she goes to jump up on things and usually misses and is constantly falling off things. It's because she's only got half a tail...someone told me that the tail is what gives them balance. All makes sense now. Anyway, cat misery guts, cat being bullied outside whenever it goes through cat flap. All local cats are hench. Lily small and timid. Poor Lily.
xx

What's Hot and What's Not for the Entire Month of March

2010-04-03T15:21:00.000-07:00

Oh Dear, once again I'm an entire month behind on my blog. Been very busy. Best way to record it I think is to Hot and Cold it. So, here we go.

Hot

My Birthday weekend spent with the Prawn in very nice Hotel just outside Oxford. I drove and we had a hysterical time, I've got a trip planned for the summer to Denmark and we had copious fun and laughter pretending to be Scandinavian. Conversation went something like this

Me "Hurdy Gurdy"
Her" Hagen Daz"

Me "Hurgle Burgle"

Her "Ya"

Me "Vorsprung Derk Tecknik" This conversation seemed to be on a loop - you'd be amazed how much mileage we got out of it. I am hoping to meet a Dane wearing an arran jumper, called Morten and he will be tall, blonde and tanned and ready to move me to his own private island at the drop of a hat.

We also had fun and games in the restuarant at our hotel. I didn't seem to quite hit it off with our chief waiter. Wont go into too much detail but to say he was Welsh, one morning I asked him if he could organise some teas and coffees to our table and he said "versittem?" I had to get him to repeat it to me 4 times before I cottoned onto the fact he wsas saying "Where are you sitting?". Then there was the liqueur coffee which I asked for, our Japanese waiter claimed there was no such thing till I pointed it out on the menu, he came back 10 minutes later with a cup of ordinary coffee with a ton of Baileys in it. Absolutely horrid. Told Welsh waiter I not pay for something that revolting. He took it off bill with a smirk (yes I'd had a few too many at that point) The Prawn decided it would be fun to steal a menu and stuffed it down her top, whilst I nicked a whole load of teeny weeny pots of hunny. We are SOOOO Bad!
Also Hot
thing Two's trip to the Natural History Museum to sleep with the Dinosaurs. Awesome. Wish I was a Brownie!
Hot
Trip to Greenwich for the Observatory, cool markets, Chinese New Year Celebrations and Royal Maritime Museum.
Hot
My endeavours into the world of ECo.
In one month I have got a grant for solar panels to go on back of my house, bought a stapleless stapler for work, bought and installed an eco-button for my laptop along with energy saving contraption which sits on the hob of my cooker meaning that I use less gas. But best of all is my ditching of toxic washing powder in favour of eco-balls. They are fab. I also bought a special milk jug and am purching my milk in floppy plastic bags and no longer fill up my recycling bin with huge 4 pint plastic bottles. I'm also growing my own herbs and luffa - hoping to sell the luffas when they grow.
Hot
Social life has taken on a life of its own. I've got party invitations coming out of my ears. Have been to so many things and met so many people Why couldn't this have happened when I was younger eh?
Hot

New Book, finished it this afternoon. Didn't want it to end. Could identity with it wholeheartedly. Have discovered she (the author) has a blog. How fantastic, so I can see what happened next.

Very Hot

My Race Night raised over £600 for the school.

Not Hot.

Boiler started dripping and as a consequence I spent Good Friday with my plumber, plumber is cool, she's called Lucy, boiler now fixed but I got a terrible headache. Took paracetamol, but am going to ditch paracetamol for tiger balm. Plumber only charged me £15 for 2 hours of her time, she also fixed my laptop and is buying my car from me. So this should go in Hot area as well.

Not Hot

Secret Lover made an appearance but I no longer interested. Whoop get me. It's so over.

Not Hot

Accidently bought Marc Jacobs Daisy body butter instead of the perfume, and Debenhams refuse to exchange, so went to Boots to buy the real thing, slagged Debenhams off, they also slagged Debenhams off, gave me a free bag and stacks of points. Going to sell bag and body butter on e-bay.

Not Hot
Had Not Hot

The mess in my house is relentless, its making me stressed, neurotic and bad tempered. I dont know anyone else who can pull washing from their washing machine and discover an entire squirrel skeleton in there. Thing Two had put squirrel bones found on rich friends farm in her cardigan pocket and I had washed them. At least they are clean. She has them displayed in her make shift museum under her cabin bed.

Not Hot

Still no man !! Did meet someone last night but he living with woman who hates him, he declare he love me after only one hour. I am thinking he wants to jump ship....no way. What about all my tax credits. Tax credits - freedom. Not giving them up for just anyone. Well not unless they happen to be Richard Gere. Nothing like setting my sights high is there! Seriously, he doesn't have to be Richard Gere. Normal would do. Incidently as a birthday treat to myself I hired the DVD of American gigolo and watched it alone whilst eating chocolate. Heaven
Positively Cold
Took thing two to smallest Shameless's 3rd birthday party. Mrs shameless explained that party running late. All party guests, 10 x 3 year olds sitting on stairs and running riot with frontroom door shut because the football still on and Mr Shameless not let party start till it finish!!!! What a twat! I later heard from thing two that Mr Shameless did lots of very loud swearing at the TV.

Bye for now xxx

What's Hot and What's Not Wednesday

2010-02-03T13:08:00.000-08:00

Having a lukewarm week, well I think I am, I'll have to see how many hots and how many colds I end up with.
What's Not Hot
Thing two went to a party yesterday afternoon and I arrived to collect just as one of the small guests cut the top of her finger off. Luckily, the party girls mother is a nurse and did wonders, and the injured guest underwent surgery today to reattach the squashed digit. The only good thing about this horrid accident was that it gave rise to a very animated conversation amongst about 7 mums crammed into a small kitchen about other people/children that we all knew had lost fingers, bits of fingers or even whole body parts, think we all took pleasure in adding out own little bits to this discussion. What a gory lot we are!

Not hot was the relentless tantrum that thing two had on sunday after she came home from her first ever seep over in which she didn't go to sleep till 3am! The creature that ran round my front room on sunday was far removed from the one I'd had the day before. She not going to any more for a long time, clearly cant cope with it. Not hot was the tantrum that thing one had on friday night! You'd think I had a couple of toddlers not a 13 and 8 year old. Tantrum was eventually sorted and she was shipped off to her Dad's whence she had been refusing to go and I went out....think its wrong that I should have to exercise every inch of willpower and have to fight just to get a few hour to myself. Told he she could go and live with him.

Not hot is that evening out with work colleagues was cancelled, doh!! We were city bound as well.. Will have to wait for another time to bag myelf a wealthy stockbroker so that I can uproot to Chigwell, hire an au pair, ironing person, cleaner and send my things off to private school and spend my days in my heated pool or draped over chaise longue drinking champagne whilst entertaining special guests. Damn.

Not hot - ebay have introduced a max fee on postage for clothes - very annoying - I usually sell bundles of 20 items or more...wonder how thats going work?

What's Hot
My dress is coming along nicely, wednesday's are the day of my dressmaking lesson, today I did gathering and interfacings. My mother is a bit of an expert in these matters, in fact, and I reminisce a bit here, when I was a child all my clothes were home made with knickers to match, I was a walking piece of ditsy fabric embellished with lashings of rick rack, I had rick rack on every cuff, pocket top and hem, no bit of me that wasn't covered in rick rack. I was the rick rack child. We never get much done in my lessons as it clashes with Doctors and she insists on watching it first. Dress will probably be finised in 2012. Told MIL that I not buying anymore new items but only making things/e-bay etc so she pointed me firmly in direction of Primark. No thanks. Am currently seeking pillarbox red cardigan with buttons - keep being outbidded. grrrr

We've had lots of heated debates on the location of one of the holidays I've got planned for the summer. Can't really call this Not Hot, hell...arguing over holidays has to be HOT...

My mother took me to Cambridge for lunch, a wander round the Fitzwilliam Museum to check out the impressionists, bit of culture never hurt anybody , in fact it was even mentioned in the Beauty tips that are embedded in my blog edge last week. Not that I can tell my Cezanne's from my Van Gogh's or my Rembrant's from my Monet's.

Hot - new book, am only on page 8, its by Updike and I'm praying its better than the last thing of his that I read "couples" which was so tedious that I never completed it.

Have found the new Yann Martel book but it not published yet. Found it in the Bookseller.

Can't wait to get a copy. Am happy with quantities of hots and not hots tis about right. xx

Ps just rememberd another not hot. Have broken brace by biting into cold and chunky bar of chocolate. Don't think this is what dentist had in mind. Will have to lie through my teeth. ha ha ha.

Brownies, cats and dinasaurs

2010-01-27T06:01:00.000-08:00

The past week has seen me skipping down a new side street, not a full blown different avenue, but down a fairly safe passage slightly off from my usual one wearing my new red shoes of course, if one wants to do some serious path changing one needs to have the correct footwear. On Saturday I went out and met up with a new group of girls and had a very nice evening, chomping on noodles (which unbeknown to me were still all over my face the entire time I was out!) we then went for a drink, all 10 of us, and it was there that I discovered that some people buy entire cocktail pitchers filled to brimming with shots and syruppy sours and other stuff, and they drink an entire pitcher themselves!!! Ok now thats a new route I'm not going down, I stick with my vodka and diet thanks very much. Anyway, they seemed to like me and one of them has invited me to join her in annual Race for Life event which takes place in our home town. (Sponsored event for Cancer).  Just one other occurance of interest would be that of the cat. Took cat to vets to be neutered and left cat there only to receive a call from veterinary nurse to say that cat have no uterus, cat already done.  Think cat should have mentioned this before!! Vets tried to get me to buy special food, litter stuff as cat not to leave house for 10 days and buster collar for cat. I refused all of it and left cat to its own devices, eating what it always eats, full access to the garden and full access to it's very nasty wound which it can lick it it wants. I am not cats keeper! For goodness sake.
Finished Life of Pi, is marvellous, didn't want it to end and am now ploughing my way through the Brownie Badge Book. Thing two has done her writers badge, hostess badge, crime prevention badge and is with much encourage ment from me doing her Star gazer badge, which will involve trip to Greenwich Observatory, her art badge - have got her started on that and we will also be doing book badge and gardners badge.  You have no idea how much I want to be a Brownie, I was one when I was young but gained no badges and stopped going because I always had to walk home on my own and one night as we were leaving the Brown Owl said "We've been told by the Police that you should all be very very careful and not walk home on your own and to go with an adult". Great, this left me in very difficult position as I knew perfectly well that no one was coming for me...so I ran like wind and never went back. Anyhow, last week when I collected thing two we were given a sheet about the Great Dina Snore, which involves Brownie sleeping in the great dinasaur hall at Natural History Museum but only 10 places to go round 30 brownies, so I have jumped queue and tracked Tawney owl down at her workplace with the money to secure Thing two's place - I am that determined that she should not miss out...in truth it is I who wants to go and lay on floor for giant exciting sleepover.
Have also joined book group.   But have not been to meeting yet.
xx

I'm walking down another street

2010-01-19T13:18:00.000-08:00

I have to confess to having had a rather nasty dose of the January blues, which may account for the humour deficit in the last few posts. I'd rather have a full on cold to be honest. Being in the grasp of an unknown greyness is pretty grim. BUT it has lead me to take a look at my life, I was trying to work out what was wrong...you'd think if you felt crap you'd know why wouldn't you, but its not been that obvious to me. I have had to dig very deep to crack this and very high to find a solution.
I've been flying round my front room to music, I've been to the gym, I've been on my wii, I've bought clothes, (check out my new shoes!!! Ar thy not soooo sooooo cute), bathed in baths with bubbles up to my neck, I've wached my favorite dvd's, had my hair done, eaten my favourite foods, had quality tme with the things, cleaned up, all the usual things that one does to give oneself a lift. To no avail. (except the shoes, they have made me happy) So, I'm looking at my relationships, not just secret lover (who is a turd) but all of them, and I'm thinking to myself, I was let down on New Years Eve, I was an option. Worth remembering that the the last time someone went out to party with no care for me they were served divorce papers. Of course this is different..there were other reasons for the divorce and I'm not married to the person who let me down, but I feel devalued. Time to evaluate things. My mother gave me this.

1) I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...I am hopeless
It isn't my fault
It talkes forever to fnd a way out.

2) I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I pretend I dont see it
I fall in again
I can't believe I'm in the same place
But it isn't my fault
It still takes a long time to get out

3) I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is MY fault
I get out immediately

4) I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it

5) I walk down another street
by Portia Nelson

I've been trying to find the author to ask permission to share this with you but so far I haven't gotten that permission...will keep trying, in my search I'm finding some inspiring stuff.

I have not spoken of this to any of the people concerned...not a good idea at the moment - or probably ever, facetious comments may roll from my mouth like a fast ball in a bowling alley or a cuckoo springing from its clock. Actions speak louder than words.
xxx
ps today I had more dentistry at great expense, whilst there I was laying back relaxing when the dentist said to me, can I have my thumb back and could you try not to bite... I'd sunk my teeth into him without even realising....perhaps there is hope for me as a vampire yet.

What's Hot and What's Not

2010-01-13T14:44:00.000-08:00

What's Hot on Wednesday 13th January
Certainly not the weather!
In true Let's be Adored spirit (actually I was bored stupid and had nothing better to do but it does say in the How to be Adored book that being charitable is cool - think Angelina Jolie) I have organised a race night for Thing Two's school - gonna raise some cash for not sure what but it'll be good anyway.
Hot is that I made a start on my new dress with the help of my mother, who supervised. I did take a photo of it but for some weird and wonderful reason all that's on my camera card are photo's of thing one in various poses. Odd that.
I purchased the book on the left when I bought my sewing machine in the summer and can't stop looking at it...it's fabulous for beginners and goes into sew (he he) much detail.

I have also had some dentisty, which will ultimately give me a better smile, but mouth feels like I got spikes digging into lower lip..which is exactly what I've got...spikes. So that's a double edged sword as well...isn't it all?

Hot is that Thing one and thing two both have lovely new haircuts. Took them both to what I describe as boutique salons..where all the stylists are 22 and have purple hair in same haircut...where everything is shiny and smells like a cross between a mango and a banana with some jasmine chucked in for good measure and the mirrors actually make you look good as opposed to those in Next and New Look which make me look so bad I want to run screaming into the street shrieking there's an alien in my changing room!!

Hot is that someone knocked on my door in the middle of the night (I know this sounds positively cold - but it might have been HIM) I didn't answer it but heard a car drive away a few minutes later.

Hot is my latest read Life of Pi, only on page 50 but am hooked already.

Not Hot

Is the earthquake in Haiti - so utterly dreadful, any little gripes I have pale into insignificance compared to how those poor people have been dealt such a cruel blow to their already difficult lives.

I am missing HIM like you wouldn't believe...the night that the knock came I cried myself to sleep...pathetic to be pining for that fascist but he's in my heart and I just can't help it.
That's it...the weather seems to have ground us all to a halt and there's nothing much going on but IT. Am staying indoors doing stuff I wouldn't normally do - such as downloading music and embedding ipods into my blog..not something I'd have time for ordinarily. And a good playlist it is I thinks though one song woulda done the job - you'd have to hang around on MintDelight for a long long time to hear whole lot.
I so hope to write something more exiting next time...
xxx

Snooooow

2010-01-09T04:39:00.000-08:00

Hello and Happy Saturday, yesterday my new book arrived and I've been dipping in and out of it as its the kind of book you can do that with. I've temporarily shelved Adrian Moles Lost Diaries because and I know this wont sound plausible but I seem to be misplaced them...yes, I've lost The Lost Diaries. If you saw my house you'd understand how this is possible. Back to How to be Adored. Love it and am going to start doing some of the stuff it suggests, will start small I think - perhaps by remembering peoples birthdays - am going to update birthday book today and move all birthdays into diary. Soon I shall be so adored I'll be judging dog shows and being invited to attend red carpet events..... Am also unsure that still being in bed surrounded by books and checking out other more worthy and gorgeous blogs than mine is conducive to my first steps of being Adored. Should probably get up and make big entrance to my living room in full ballgown and satin stilleto shoes a' la Sophie Loren. Trouble is there is snow everywhere and I'm not likely to be going out. Was supposed to see the Prawn last night but couldn't get in touch with her all day apart from by text. Am most suspicious, she not been to work since snow arrived and is now claiming to be ill, suspect she not at home at all, suspect she been spirited away by Steve the Snake. He landlord of village pub out in the sticks miles away and he no plans of getting together with Prawn but just likes to use his snake from time to time, if you know what I mean. Here are some snow photo's. One is of the snow fairy from my garden and the other 2 were taken on my walk to work. Ps the thought of judging a dog show is making me reconsider being adored...can't think of anything worse than all those howling canines licking up to me. yuk. xx

What was hot and what was not for the year 2009

2010-01-06T10:04:00.000-08:00

Ok brace myself for split summary of last year.

What was not hot

Being burgled - having my laptop and phone nicked from my front room whist away with boyfriend who was converted muslem who had annoying habit of getting exceedingly drunk and quoting stories from the quoran at me whilst listening to very loud hip hop and trying to hug me whilst I drove down the M6 (180 miles of it) in a blizzard. Barrel of laughs... oh and I fell over in a big puddle landing on my bum.

Having my car vandalised/window smashed whilst it was parked outside friends house, they took nothing as there was nothing to take..so why bother..what's the matter with people? Total laughter riot...

Being in a confined space in a cabin on a ferry between the islands of Lanzarote and Tenerife with two spectacularly badly behaved children hellbent on killing each other - well we're all still here but wow that was not good.

Secret Lover teaming up with a friend and the consequential fall out that ensued. The less said about that the better.

Discovering that Secret Lover was not just Secret Lover but also Secret Hitler fan as well. Secrets are bad. People with secrets could be concealing other things as well. Bad things.

What was hot

Barbados - take me back....now!!! Want to feel the sand between my toes and swim with the turtles

The Black Eyed Peas...want them in my bed with me

Mums Wedding - most momentous occasion

My party - that was good too...but not doing another one.

The Summer Ball - loved it!! Top people over at High Wych

Tracey's birthday party - think it was good....from what I can remember

My ever growing book collection
Work - well do you ever read my complaining about that?...that's cos its all good
My new blog - shame bout the old one, but starting afresh is ok, just felt weird at first
Me - I am hot and very very fortunate to be in a position to do any of the above. Thank you , thank you, thank you!

Of course I could write more in each section but you'll just have to read the blog as it's all recorded here. My experience dumping area. Just in case I should ever lose my memory. Or, get flattened by big red truck...then my children would still have a pretty good sense of me.

And in case you're wondering about the cat...of course you weren't, but anyhow, we got the snow we were expecting and I had to cancel the cat appointment. Have had lot of spare time today and have begun reading new book see link. Have got 2 other nice new books winging themselves to me from Amazon...will report on them when they arrive.

What's Hot and What's Not - for the week

2010-01-05T11:04:00.000-08:00

I may have to do two What's Hot and What's Not's - 2009 I'm saving for tomorrow, but just for now we have
What's Hot
My new magnetic spice pots. They are currently dotted about over my washing machine as Ikea didn't have the metal strip that they are meant to sit on. Quite like them on washing machine. Had to sort spices out - found one from 2006! Obviously, a job that I don't do enough.

Christmas decorations are cleared away....hurrah...it's funny isn't it that I couldn't wait to put them up but was in an even bigger hurry to get them down.

My bargain Christmas tree, 6ft and gold. Tis gorgeous. Cost of £7 reduced from £30 in Sainsbuy's. If your going to get an artificial tree no point pretending its real... might as well go for something glam. Going to pimp my decorations next (oooops it's not next is it? no...it's this year!)

I've bought fabric to make a dress...oh yeah, oh yeah, I'm going to get sewing this year and be super creative.

What's Not
When I deliberately employ environmental saving tactics by putting my carrots in the trolley loose and the girl at the checkout puts them in a litte seethrough bag anyway and ties a really tight not in the top...and then looks at me blankly when I point out that I'm avoiding plastic bags??!! Has she never heard of carbon footprint.

The weather - we're expecting about a foot of snow overnight. It's gonna be chilllllly brrrrrrr

The fact that my phone called someone 8 times all on its own due to fact that it pressing against interior of my handbag....guess who that person was? None other than Tony from New Years Eve... Epic Cringe Factor. He sent a text asking me why I'd called so many times and not spoken. Had to send text explaining that it all a huge mistake. I am not speaking to my phone....how could it do that to me!

My stereo died and has been taken to the tip. But looking forward to getting something, either ipod based or cute and retro. Cute and retro me thinks and I shall keep it in the kitchen

My new blinds that I bought in August are still in the cupboard.....must chase ex-husband to come and install them.

Thats all for now folks. Big day for the new cat tomorrow - she's going to be neutered, thats assuming I can drive, which depends on the weather. I've bought her a pink leather collar with tiny little flowers round it. She so beautiful but very bad tempered.
xxx

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Minutes Flat

2010-01-02T14:22:00.000-08:00

Survived New Years Eve. Bizarre thing happened first thing in the morning. Two of my neighbours knocked and said they had no power. My house was the only house in the street all day with electricity. I did offer several neighbours opportunity to get ready for their evenings in my house, use my kettle, my oven etc but they all declined. Can't believe how lucky I am. Thank you God. It was during this time that Secret Lover called, which I did mention in previous post. He said he was calling to wish me a Happy New Year and to check I ok, although he said he knew I OK as I always OK and I bomb proof. Bomb proof eh? I resilent chic. I'm not really, I just give a good impression of one. Secret Lover and I, well I can't put my finger on it but we seem to have unbreakable bond. Think we just talk for now....we have some major differences.
Spent afternoon gluing individual lashes on. Some of them are still attached but most keep landing in sink, on pillow, in dinner. Then went out and had wicked night out with the Lainey Chick. Photo's are on other laptop, will download tomorrow. Lainey Chick and I consumed entire bottle of bubbly before going to The Chequers where there was a DJ, a buffet, her sister and her sisters friends. Could not distinguish between any of them, they all seem to have same styled black hair, short black dresses, high heels, very long lashes. They like clones. Not an awful lot of attractive men all bar one who we named number 8, (8 out of 10) but I attract the attention of other man with nice smile (Tony). Got exceptionally tipsy (not obliterated - that would simply not be goddesslike!) Tony had a cigar (very cheap one by the look of it) and he suggested that I take a puff on it at Midnight which I agreed to do, and did actually do, also agreed to go out with him and even gave him a kiss, exchanged numbers, he nice enough man but not setting my world on fire - just the cigar. BUT when I got back on the dancefloor number 8 made beeline for me and we had a very lively and intimate dance. Whey hey. Number 8 far more attractive than Tony...hmmm. Unfortunately Tony watching all this and when I went back to speak to him less than ten minutes later he say "Why would I want to talk to you, I see you snogging that guy!" So I said "K" and walked away. Bloody cheek though, he'd spent his evening with another lady till he hooked up with me at midnight AND I did not snog anyone AND I do not remember agreeing to be in an exclusive relationship with total stranger on the only NYE in 13 years that I've been in a position to have fun. And fun is what I planning on having this decade/year for ever more. No one on this planet is going to tell me who I can and can't dance with. Not now, not any time soon. Tony can stuff his date. Stayed at Lainey Chic's house and she made me breakfast in bed next morning. So glad I went out with her she really good fun and very nice with it.
Mint xx
PS Having looked at the photos from NYE Number 8 has been renamed number 5.
PPS Thing one who is still only 13 had whole load of alcohol whilst at her Dads. I very very unhappy about this and plan to tackle him when time is right. Teenagers and alcohol do not mix!!!!

Pre Happy New Year Post

2009-12-31T06:49:00.000-08:00

Happy New Years Eve. A most poignant time of year for me. It was exactly 10 years ago to the time and date that I was contemplating spending the Millenium on my own with a 3 year old for company whilst my husband went to a party. This was even before the event a bone of contention and afterwards it always popped into my head like a huge resounding bell hollering the words to me "This aint right - this isn't the way it was supposed to be. This is not what you signed up for. This is not the way a good marriage works". Not that I want to dwell on it but watching the world celebrate alone with a candle, a box of chocolates and the TV is never a good way to start a decade. But now I have another shot at it. At the beginning of the week the Prawn said to me "Fancy doing something on NYE, maybe go to Steve's pub if I can wrangle an sleepover invite or my local has free roast spuds and karaoke", now this past decade I've resigned myself to dull family parties where everyone is over 60 or the local pantomime but this offer of company seemed to good to miss so I got a babysitter. This morning however she sent me a text that says this "Just got your text. Hav accepted offer of dinner out with Steve as didn't think you had sitter. Hope u find something to do. Chilli man said asked after you and said to say hi". Now, what do you make of that then? Defeated I am not. I am going out with Leggy Laine, who is Rachel Hunter lookalike and we're gonna rip the town up. But I must analyse what has happened. Now ex husband wouldn't give me an answer straight away - 0 points to him, but 0 points to me for not insisting he commit. Lesson learned - don't be so vague and easily fobbed off. So in her haste not to be alone she potentially left me alone without even my children for company.
So...am popping a bottle of bubbly in the fridge, am going to stick some individual lashes on and start the year/decade as I mean to go on.
You may have noticed that I've made some big changes to blog, blog is trusted friend and blog deserves a makeover. It has gone all according to plan - the last post's text background is wrong colour and I can't get it back how it should be, still can't post links either and don't like header - tis big learning curve. Am going to master html.
Let me know what you think in the comments box which is now open for comments and doesn't require notification.
Wishing you all the best on this prolific night of the year.
Mint xx
ps Secret Lover just phoned me to wish me a Happy New Year. Wasn't expecting that....and whats more its made me very happy and I know it shouldn't but it has x

New Year - Almost

2009-12-30T09:19:00.000-08:00

Almost time to say goodbye to 2009 and I can't say I'm sorry, its been a difficult year in many ways....but I am optimistic as ever that 2010 is going to be my best ever and if its not it wont be through lack of trying. In fact the whole decade has been rather fraught, I'm going to do the decade in What's Hot and What's not next wednesday.

Today though has been sweet. Thing Two under much encouragement from me did everything necessary to get her Hostess Brownie Badge. I cleaned the house - giving pointers as I went for her preparation, she did crisps, sandwiches, sweets, cucumber and pepper sticks, cheese and pineapple on sticks, cocktail sausages and cherry tomatoes followed by jelly and ice-cream. She laid on drinks - apple juice and orange juice and they played hide and seek and watched Coraline. She took their coats as they arrived and then loaded the dishwasher when they'd all finished. Very impressed. When I was in the Brownies many moons ago I dont recall even thinking about badges or getting my mum to help me, but this is fun for both of us. A couple of the mums stayed for a while for a gossip in my kitchen (lucky I cleaned up!) Then when they were playing I French Knitted her a two colour spiral carpet for her new dolls house. I'm trying to learn to crochet from tutorials on the You Tube - Have Crocheted a big purple mess.

I've got stacks of plans for 2010 and one of them is to pimp my blog. Have begun by adding some listings of fav blogs and books read. Am going to make it more visual as well. Not planning on changing the content too much as for me my blog is where I come to record things for prosperity and to have a whine and sometimes just by writing things down I can see a solution or if I'm pretty mad it helps to dissolve any anger that I have. It would be nice to get some new readers but ultimately thats not what this is about. I blog with or without an audience - my viewing figures are testiment to that. There are some awesome and beautiful blogs out there that do craft and photography and fashion far better than I ever could so I'm sticking with lifes little drama's, but I certainly can make it more fun and pretty.
Am off to play on my Wii Fit (so funny - I seem to score a big fat zero on most of the games, not cos I'm unfit as such, although my Wii Fit age is 59!!! but because I can't figure out what I'm meant to be doing on it.
Ps - favourite book from list is India Knight's Thrift Book although I reckon she wouldn't like my blog - reckon she'd think I was up myself. Talk of up myself - received letter from a friend the other day - round robin letter with thumbnails photos of each of her 4 children on the heading and was addressed to Dear everyone, twas full of the words, "children, gifted, talented, grammar school, scholarship, wholesome, potential etc etc" no point in my sending one. I have nothing to brag about. Gonna whack some photos on here though cos If I can say one thing especially about thing one she is beautiful.
Mint x

What's Hot and What's Not

2009-12-27T08:13:00.000-08:00

I'm trying something new today...in conjunction with another blog which I've been peeking at for a while now. I'd describe it as porn for Mums, especially harrassed mums. In fact the other blog is of great inspiration to me. I post link in a mo. Basically, every wednesday, although today is sunday so I'm out of sync, she does a post called what's hot and what's not. So I'm joining in. I'm hoping that my Whats hot turns out to be bigger than my What's not hot list. If thats how it goes then I know this week has been a success. So here goes.

What's Hot

Loobylu blog of course. http://loobylu.com/(have yet to work out how to do it as a link.)

Christingle - Christmas Eve at the Church in High Wych - so much better than the chaos of St Mary's at Churchgate Street last year

Christmas Day - great success - everything went well. Can't believe I'm writing this - this is so not the ususal. See snaps of table setting and tree and of course the new cat. Cat showed signs of confusion during present opening session.

Boxing Day - spent entire day festering on Prawns sofa whilst she served endless hot and cold party food accompanied by glass after glass of wine and then watched my favourite dvd 'Eyes wide shut'. As usual spent first half of film marvelling that director had managed to make Tom appear as tall as Nicole and speculating on height of shoes he must be wearing. Oh and think that he standing on box most of time.

Got a Wii Fit Plus for Christmas - I think this is good - it still in box.

The Things are behaving - but its only a matter of time.

Bought gorgeous black outfit in sales and stacks of stuff for thing two.

What's not hot
Arriving over an hour early at Christingle as someone told me it gets packed solid. This is a fabrication - it not packed at all and me and girls ended up spending an entire hour in company of just the vicar in coldish church surrounded by dozens of boxes of oranges.

Am now feeling like oversided rhino due to over indulgence especially on Boxing Day. Also went to the Sales today and saw old friend who I had acrimonious fall out with and became positively paranoid as she had strange smile/smirk on face. Concluded that she was smug that she thin and I'm not (I was when she last saw me), That she had nice coat on and mine resembled that of Michelin man. Have now vowed to only wear figure hugging jacket and am relegating warm coat to underbed. Actually - I rethink this. Not that vain. Am getting coat back out from underbed. No way I going to be cold. Don't care if I size of bus.

House resembles rubbish tip, all but my bedroom, so am retreating to this small enclave of order. Will have to sort it but am putting it off as long as possible.

Ran out of bread Christmas Eve and arrived just as Sainsbury's shut and had to watch last minute shoppers coming out with arms full of huge bouquets of flowers that Sainsbury's were giving away at 10p a hit. grrrrr...could've done with some of them and some bread of course....that would have been particularly good.

Slippers purchased for my mother and thing two turned out to be too small. So my mother nicked mine all day christmas day. Had cold feet. But hey - wasn't that kind of me.

Have had several moments of really missing Secret Lover - but there is no way I going back to that stupid man even if if is Christmas. Doubt he'd entertain me anyway unless I promised something spectacularly special and quite frankly I do not have the energy.

Well now that I've completed this, it is totally clear that I seem to gleam more pleasure from reporting traumas and things that go a wee bit wrong. Thats ok - I go with the flow... especially if it more interesting.

Till next time x

2009-12-22T02:34:00.000-08:00

whooo hoooo 3 sleeps till Christmas. There's snow on the ground and I've got Christmas all wrapped up and under the tree. Turkey still in freezer - should read instructions really. Might take week to defrost in this weather. Have not driven car since last Thursday...scared of the snow. Walked all way to town yesterday with little rucksack on my back. Going was fun, coming back was total drag. Not as cold as my weekend though. Boy was that cold. Took thing two to Prague for weekend. So beautiful but minus 13. Counting my blessings that our journeys were so good as lots of flights cancelled on Friday. I got sat next to a ranting DJ on way out. Just grinned and beared it as he moaned constantly about cheap airlines, the weather, the uK, security and how the airlines are all (allegedly) racist. Just glad I'm not like that. Though I think I do moan quite a bit these days. Must try harder to not moan. Arrived in Prague jumped on first bus and then hit the metro and arrived in destination of choice. Wenceslas Square for Xmas markets, decided to embrace Prague totally and bought a sausage off a stall, yuk. Took big bit out of it and it bright red with yellow bits in it, yellow bits I suspect could be mustard, which I detest. So horrid. Put it in bin and went for MacDonalds as it too cold to start searching for anythign else and anyway we still had our suitcase in tow. Got in cab and made way to Hotel Gloria, considering room cost £40 for both of us for 2 nights including breakfast, hotel amazingly good. Clean, brand new bathrooms and TV and mini bar. Bargain of the year in my book - apart from Marks and Spencer 1p bazaar, which would take a lot of beating. Thing two and I still cold and slept in several layers, woke up boiling. Made a discovery which kept us amused for some time. THe duvets in the Hotel are spectacularly static. We went under duvet and had a light show. She very enamoured with breakfast, which I'd give 1/10, but she thought it was wonderful and ate tons. Decided to make most of daylight hours, went ice skating, disaster, I got on and promptly fell over and am still wearing the evidence in form of giant dark purple bruise on left knee. Thing two got cold and started crying so we headed for hot chocolate and coffee with Bailey's. Of course best way to stay warm in minus 13 is to walk and keep walking, so we walked across the Charles Bridge, buying things as we went (got to keep her spirits up). Straight up the gorgeous winding cobbled streets to the Castle for more hot chocolate and cakes. Jumped on tram and came back down, had KFC and then went for frozen boat trip. All passengers on boat huddled round gas burning stove on boat, all ignoring irritating commentary in 14 languages. More markets and then gorgeous meal. Was torn with what to choose from menu. Braised Cock or Pork Loins with roast peppers. Chose the pork. And that was that. Would give Prague 7 out of 10. Very nice but had not realised what that sort of temperature would actually feel like. We both wore entire contents of suitcase to go out in including pyjamas under clothes.
Rather sad to come home and sure know I'm back. LAst night the things had a fight, was vagually aware of small screams getting louder coming from kitchen, was waiting for finale of crying to appear in front room, which it did, in form of thing two claiming that she'd been dragged round kitchen floor by thing one, thing one claims she only tickling thing two. Thing two then rather incredibly took matters one step further and right in front of my eyes she picked up the cat and hurled it at thing one, cats claws got stuck in thing ones stomach, cat stayed stuck for some time with thing one going nuts and then chasing cat round house hollering at it and us. OH MY GOD. Things are no longer allowed to be alone in the same room. Not sure how I am going to get through the next 2 weeks at home with them. Went to bed with headache after numerous screaming matches with thing one, who I am most tempted to put in car and deposit with her father and let him deal with her.
Today I am taking thing two to the Museum to do christmas craft activities and then i think I might walk to Sainsbury's and do my Christmas food shop.
It would seem that my mother in law is planning on buying thing one a new coat even though she already has one which has had hardly any use and which I only just got out of the dry cleaners. MIL think coat that I bought not warm enough... thing one loved that coat and chose it herself from Next and it was not cheap.
mint x
Ps would still like to leave country. Do not know what the answer is but have established one thing. I am a good mum but a lousy dad.

Great weekend...not.

2009-12-11T04:28:00.000-08:00

Almost Christmas and as usual life is up and down, good bits are that Thing two and I did a nativity re-enactment in the front room the other night on account of her not taking part in one at school, we have also made kimono paper people, and have been watching Kirstie Allsops homemade Christmas on TV and now have big plans in the soap and embroidered napkin department.
On the downside last weekend sent the scales tipping downwards till they were touching the ground and floundering in the mud. Woke up Saturday Am to whingeing thing two, my mother was coming to take her to the town for tea and cakes and her last phone words to me were “make sure she’s ready”. Failed by 10am in the morning. My mother turned up and thing two was still prancing round unfed, unkempt and in pyjamas, had enormous kerfuffle to get her ready whereby my mother kept threatening to go home if she not get ready, thing two having tantrums and rolling round whilst I wave toast and dress over her head. Totally lost it and told them both to get out whilst holding open front door. I then went to ready myself for big much anticipated night out in Covent Garden with the Prawn and her work colleagues aka Harlow Fire brigade. Discovered that new top smelt like moth balls so had to hang on line as no time to wash blessed thing. Thing one and I had massive row as I cooked fry up for myself and had not finished it when thing one want lift to town, was halfway through explaining that she should call friends and I would get her there in ten minutes just as soon as my mother and thing two come back. Thing one went berserk and said unthinkable things to me so she grounded, left her sobbing into pillow screaming obscenities and wailing profusely. My mother then returned from town in full social worker mode and said we needed to discuss very serious matters which we did at length, she want to know what I going to do about it..I unplug modem and tell her to take it home for 6 months. Eventually I got shot of everyone and completed getting ready. Literally jumped up and down with joy at being able to get on train and have night out. Unfortunately it not to be my weekend. Pulled into Liverpool Street and hit The Hamilton, nice pub, high ceilings, had glass of wine each, so far so good, she has another glass of wine I have a vodka and coke, so far so good, her work mates arrive, I have coffee she has another glass of wine, I ok, she on floor in loos completely pissed. I had had big fry up she had had bowl of porridge 5 hours previous. Hmmmmm. Spent rest of time talking to her work colleagues whilst passing soft drinks under door of her loo telling her to try and puke and then we could go, not to Belgo’s in covent Garden as planned but to MacDonald’s to sober her up with hideous cheeseburgers. She refuse to come out of loos till boss gone. She lay on cold floor long time. MacDonald’s quite welcome distraction.
Really really pissed off. Went to Covent Garden to shit pub, did not even see market. Even more pissed off. Home in bed by 10:30.
Had date following morning with Greg – primary school teacher, very nice man but no appeal whatsoever, except that he buy me bracelet from shop we went in oh and some cake and coffee. He rather small, weathered and had blown pupil. Not school student but literally something wrong with eye. Didn’t like to ask what happen to it, seemed rather rude, but think he should have mentioned it. It’s important.
Came home and had awkward scene with ex husband, he accuse me of burning roast potatoes, and that things had said I always burn them. Think he big tosser. Told him some home truths later on in evening. You’d think with all the things going on such as thing one’s exclusion and thing two’s spectacularly weird behaviour he could've kept his big gob shut about the potatoes. I can just hear it now.
Him “So thing one, why have you been bullying people at school then?”
Her “It’s mum, she burns the potatoes all the time, it’s awful, and she makes us eat them”
Him” I see, so thing two, you seem a bit unhappy at the moment, mummy says you wont do what you’re told”
Her “It’s her, her cooking is rank, she burns my potatoes too!!! Please talk to her about it Dad, make it go away.”
Him “with pleasure, here have a bag of crisps and a kit kat”.

I've got another weekend about to commence. It's going to be a good one...perhaps.
Incidently, I DO NOT burn potatoes. xx

Trials and tribulations

2009-12-03T12:38:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was sitting at work when my phone rang and it was the pupil support unit from Thing one's school, I was summoned to attend a meeting as Thing one had 'done something' clearly something unforgivable and worthy of an entire day in the special holding unit for pests. I think they call it off timetable but what it means is being kept under close supervision. So off I trotted at the allocated time where I was subjected to 45 minute lecture from head teacher and pupil support man about the dangers of the internet, cyberbullying which all began with head teacher explaining to me about Facebook and why it started (she reckons it was for families that found themselves miles apart - this is complete bollocks, it was created with students in mind.) She then progressed to texts (created apparently for the sole use of BT engineers) and then they produced evidence of thing one's inappropriate bullying behaviour on bits of photocopied a4. Sadly, it came as no surprise. They then proceeded to tell me how much damage had been done to Thing one's victim...before explaining that the police may be involved and that ultimately it my responsibility - not sure if they meant fault or responsibility. Anyway, I wont bore with all details and I certainly not condone thing ones bullying but I gotta say it was rather over the top. Thing one was then called in and was read the riot act and has been excluded for two days, these two days to be carried out in special naughty unit where 6 little criminals (that what it felt like) sit in small room facing front in silence being given copious amounts of tedious work to do. Their day is extended at beginning and end of school. Found it all rather traumatic and heart sinking. Thing one was white as ghost and looked horrifed by proceedings and protested that she not the only one calling the victim RAT SHIT. Not nice. Tried to get hold of ex-husband but he'd gone to bloody Gloucester. I have said that Facebook and MSN is off limits for 6 months. Deleted MSN off laptop but it keeps coming back - just can't get shot of it. grrrr. Upon collecting thing two from school she announces that her teacher wants to talk to me cos she'd called another girl a bitch. Well thats just great that is. Thing one has suddenly developed obsession with her German homework site - yeah right. Keep trying to catch her accessing forbidden sites but she too quick for me and clicks off them as soon as I get within 3 feet. I just deactivated her FB account - she not know yet.. am expecting ruptions and big tantrum.
HAve visited thing two's teacher - run out of energy to protest or even discuss to much length.
Spent entire evening last night plotting relocation to Dubai, found perfect school for girls, the Cambridge Academy for girls, which follows British curriculum, found gorgeous 3 bed pad half way up giant glistening tower in Sport City with communal gardens, sauna, olympic swimming pool and gym. And get this! I could actually afford it if I sold my house. Schools fees might pose a bit of problem - but hey this is only a dream anyway so I might as well get carried away. Then dreamt about job in custom pub which is on notice board at work which also happens to be beyond my experience and qualifications but it was a lovely dream. Just think, my girls would skip entire alcohol thing out there. Drugs would be pretty hard to come by too. Amazing work ethic. Crime rate spectacularly low and the beach and shops at the weekend. Worth working towards.
I guess things all balance themselves out -the night before disaster struck thing one cooked the family meal, which was so nice. She made fajitas with fried chicken, onion and peppers and salsa. She laid it all out on table for us to help ourselves. I very very pleased and had gone to bed thinking how wonderful she was. Ultimately no matter what they do I will still think they wonderful creatures.
mint x

Brighton, Romans and Russian Roulette

2009-11-29T00:00:00.000-08:00

Morning fellow bloggers, tis pouring with rain outside and I have just woken with compelling urge to update my blog. Not that I've been doing anything especially exciting...apart from my trip to Brighton with 35 women on a coach, 35 drunk women and one drunk man who failed to make it back to coach at midnight to be exact. A fine time was had by all except the poor person who had to clean coach. That can't have been much fun oh and drunk guy who was found the following day in accident and emergency with broken jaw. Oh the joys of alcohol. He thinks he fell off a railing. That was a couple of weeks ago and I then had a weekend of doing nothing as I completely and utterly partied out. But now as December approaches I'm revving up again for festive season. I've also been trying to pull my routine back together as it fall apart over last year. The things have been going to bed when i do and thats got to stop. So, one night last week I actually got them in their rooms at 8:30 this a a great achievement. On the down side I did have one day this week when all was not well. Yes, it was Roman Day at Thing two's school, they have a history day once a year and they all have to get dressed up so I borrowed a very nice outfit and dressed her in it. Simple. Took her to school and all would have been well had she not refused to bring coat. So I took tearful thing two into the classroom to ask teacher if she could borrow a fleece or something from lost property when they went out to play. Big mistake. Could not believe what greeted me when I got inside the classroom. Yes, I was horrified, mortified out of my skin. For there before me was sight of classroom of children with most amazing outfits, jewellery, gladiator sandals, full make up, all the girls had the most elaborate hair. One of them had zillions of little plaits and her mother had actually sewn pearls randomly into it. One of them was sporting a wig and looked like she just stepped out of the colosseum. Thing two on the other hand was wearing knackered boots, flimsy white toga things that not fit that well and had not even managed to drag brush through hair. Anyway the guilt was too much for me I declared myself a failure and cried all the way to work. Then it occured to me that even if I had had the time and desire to sew pearls into thing two's hair I would not have been able to as she wouldn't have let me, she was too nervous and when that happens she acts most odd and in fact even getting her to put underwear on was a trial....she very difficult customer in the mornings. Need not have worried either as she came home full of joys of Roman times they had even laid on a fully fledged banquet of stuffed olives, quails eggs, piles of fruit, cheese, grapes and vine leaves. I tell you they do things differently over the border!
On a completely different note I have been thinking this week about the society we live in...and do you know what it occured to me that if I were Rhiannon (r&b singer form Barbados) I really don't think it was very responsible to bring out a song called Russion Roulette. Mark my words, someone will try it for sure then it will become a craze and kids will be pointing loaded guns at their heads in their lunchbreaks. So a little debate here. If that were to happen should she be held responsible, could her words be considered incitement to suicide? I think so. Let me know what you think in the comments box.
me xxx

Mums Wedding

2009-11-09T08:26:00.001-08:00

After huge preparation and much anxiety over cakes, not me I might add, I always knew they'd be fine - I've had enough practise but try telling that to my Mum who clearly has no faith in me and continuously harrassed me on daily basis to see if I'd done them yet. As proof that I did do what I said I was going to do I'm posting photo's. Wedding Day arrived Saturday, I got up at ridiculous hour due to the fact that hot water coming out of tap at virtual trickle and had to start bath running hour before it would be ready for reluctant things to get in. Hot water now ok - well it would be wouldn't it now that event has passed. Had screaming match with thing one who wouldn't put dress on or wear white thing I got for her hair. Threatened her with instant death if she not put it on. I got to give Mum away so was proper part of ceremony which went very well. Was most amused when it came to Vic's unexpected vows. Went like this..."Do you Victor, Reginald, Richard, Arthur, Gerald, Lincoln, Dougal, Montgomery, Rupert Tadling take so and so to be your lawfully wedded wife. At end of ceremony he turned and pointed at his mother and said "It's your fault", this was followed by numerous chuckles from all the guests. His mother was a total scream, which I'll come to in a minute. Going into registry office was fine, coming out not so good when my mother in law got her shoe stuck to water grid, aka drain, grid came with her when she walked and it took 4 grown men to detach her from it. I reckon she did it on purpose...must remember this ploy when trying to attract man. We then all stood in freezing cold and I nearly got frost bite whilst photographer took more photo's than I considered necessary. Then he made us go to the park for more, think I was scrowling in most of them. We then all went in giant parade to the Chinese to eat copious quants of msg and odd looking stuff. Now as I said, Vic's mother was a total scream, took Prawn to the reception later in the evening and once seated she totters over to us in 4 inch heels, which apparently she has been wearing since she was 14 and now can't get her feet flat as they permenantly shoe shaped, even has to sleep in them. She's 83 years old and looks like a very thin version of Barbara Cartland, wrapped up in white fur. She clearly short sighted as she put her hand on Prawns arm, looked at me and says "you must be very proud of this one". Didn't have the heart to put her straight, so I went along with it, so so funny. Prawn now keeps calling me Mum.
There was a belly dancer for the cabaret, see photo's, belly dancer is friend of my mothers and usually uses a walking stick but seems to be able to get down on it and wiggle when called for. Among the other guests there were also 5 head teachers, one of whom is my God Mother, the rest are my mothers best friends. They not any old Head Teachers either, 2 of them are what they call "Super Head Teachers", the sort that go into inner city schools and turn them around. What I don't understand is as I've been surrounded by this intellect all my life how come none of it has rubbed off on me?? Just don't get it. She also had friends from her Art Class, Spanish Class, Victim Support, the Running Club and Oxfam. Needless to say most of guests were hers not his..except I have now gained 2 sisters, one of whom is wealthy accountant. They both perfectinists and they did the food, I later learned that they didn't actually cook the quiches or the samosas...tut tut. Accountant Sister is also bit of snob, and when she heard that some flat near her posh house were going to be used for social housing, she complained bitterly that it was so unfair that she'd have SINGLE MUMS and Eastern Europeans on her doorstep. All I can say is don't knock it till you've tried it. Am very pleased all round with the union. Fab party, didn't even mind the Status Quo. Thing two spend evening under table telling me she hate me as I had deleted her video which had used entire memory card in camera. She has since forgiven me. phew.
Mint x

Halloween Edition

2009-11-08T01:12:00.000-08:00

Last weekend was the weekend of MY PARTY. You have no idea how stressed I got over the guest list. I invited random people, which on hindsight was a huge mistake. I also took an entire day off work to clean my house and decorate it. It was a few days prior to party that I started to get sense of forboding regarding guests. But as Oscar Wilde would say "The party was a great the success but the guests were dreadful". The guests that did come are now to be considered guests for life and will be getting extra nice Christmas cards from me with chocolate in them and the people that let me down especially her next door are to be viewed with great suspicion. I knocked next door on the day of party and asked her if she still coming and she said very deadpan "Nah, forgot". So I said "did you" in very questioning tone. She then said "We're going out". I not like her anymore. Consequently when I reversed into her car the other day, and I'd like to point out right her that I didn't damage it at all, but if I had I think I would have thought twice about owning up. Anyway not to dwell on that party was indeed great success, hysterically funny, lots of daft games including the Mummy Game, Wake the dead, the Marshmall game and of course the donut game, just to add an extra dimension to the donut game I bought chocolate filled ones, the chocolate ending up all over my guests. HA HA HA Thing two was allowed to bring a friend, who's father asked her when he came to collect if she'd had a good time and she said "Not the best". OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh.
The Brownies had their own Halloween night as well which I attended and offered my services, ended up serving the food and cleanaing the kitchen. Brownies highly excitable and all was going well until the arrival of the Hornet, they all went beserk and started screaming. Brown Owl appeared with big knife and chopped it in half. Eeergh. SHe really is a top Owl.
My Mother also had her Hen night which was pretty good for a bunch of older ladies, I like all her friends except for one, her name is Bug Face and I really can't stand her, she managed to insult me twice in one hour but I kept if together for sake of my mother, would have rather like to have told her to bog off back to bugland where she belongeth.
Mint xxx

A Good weekend...finally!

2009-10-25T13:25:00.000-07:00

It's sunday night and I'm watching the X-Factor after a fun packed but exhausting weekend. Last night I went to see the one and only Tom Jones at Wembley arena. Well worth the ticket price, he very very good. But have to say that I would've been happy if he'd just sung Delilah all night long over and over again as that was the one song that lit the whole arena up. Lots of arm waving and dancing. Bar - rip off £4.50 for glass of wine. Didn't stop me drinking it though. Must remember to smuggle some in next time. Ha.
On way home had a hysterical moment. Got chatting to some really nice German girls who's been back packing round Europe and were heading to Stansted to pick up Ryannair flight. Then she says "I have seen lots of people wearing red things on their jackets..what are zay for?" Took a while for me to figure out what she was talking about then Prawn prompted me "She's talking about poppies"
I says "Ah, those, um, um, what they are for it is well um...(I was thinking just spill the beans you boneless pillock) they are to remember the dead servicemen from the 2 World Wars"
"You mean all zee victims of war" she says looking confused
Me "Not exactly, just our soldiers,(decide to change tack) its big business, they made £38 million last year and have a distribution centre the size of a football pitch, the money goes these days to veterans of recent wars and the families of our injured and dead troops who's been in Afghanistan, we have a special day of remembrance as well"
Great relief and embarrassment averted. Phew. I then fell asleep.
Today I have been to Lakeside not for me I might add as I can't stand it there. All that stuff...urgh. I took Thing one and her friend Carrie. Once there I left them to it and went on a big wander on my own, went in Superslug and bought a mud mask but then remembered that you can get a 10% voucher off internet so didn't buy anything else. WEnt in Debenhams and tried every single perfume on and did entire face up out of testers before hitting WH Smith. Spent and entire hour perusing magazines without buying any, started with Christmas mags telling me how to dress my tree in 19 different ways, 101 ways with table settings and how to make penguin sweets etc. Then on to the higher end mags, which just pissed me off then I hit the sensationalist mags...hee hee they give me the biggest pleasure. With headlines like; 'Bullied at school because my parents are jedi warriors', 'I was brought up by kangaroos and now I can't stop hopping', 'I ate shell fish while I was pregant and then gave birth to a lobster', 'I was a suicide bomber now I work for the NHS', 'Jenny can't stop eating, she ate her own leg', 'Read my story Exclusive, I was chopping up carrots and my head fell off - find out how I cope without my body'.
On the downside and there's not much to grumble about today got stuck on M25 for 25 minutes but found a very old orange in my handbag and bizarrely enough it tasted ok. Thing two went to a Brownie sleepover last night - her dad took her and none of her friends turned up so she soo upset she had to go home. Uncle Vic came to put Thing one's wardrobe together and he fixed the mess that Forward Roll made including putting on all the plinths that had been missed off. Whilst he was doing that my mother cleaned my floor but by the time I got home the cat had been sick all over it. It has also munched its way through Thing two's Hob Nobs.
Till next time
xx

cats, cakes, traffic wardens

2009-10-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

Sooooooo what has today been like? Bundle of laughs, not exactly no. My Mother came to help me clear an area of my front room which has been dumping ground for yonks and we set to clearing it. Rather I held things up and she confirmed my fears that I should put them in landfill. Hate doing that so much. Also she took a suit that I've worn twice and cost £75 to Oxfam. Oh the pain. But its a size 8. Want to cry. Whilst doing this exercise Lily the new cat decided that the Wedding Cake that my Mother had brought round for me to ice and that was on the kitchen worktop unattended would make a nice snack. My mothers face went from happyish to stricken in split second. The words lead balloon spring to mind. Tried to lesson mortification by telling her that it was nothing compared to what happened to my mother in laws 60th birthday cake that had been left in my care for all of 24 hours. This did nothing to alleviate things. Told her we would patch it up and pretend it never happened but she insistant that we put some sort of marking on the eaten bit so that person cutting cake and giving it out knows which bit is dodgy. groan. Immediately after this little episode I headed of on school run, got to stupid school to see army of traffic wardens along front of school and all the way up the side. Heavy congestion everywhere due to fact that about 200 cars all arriving to collect children and traffic idyits not allowing anyone to stop. Car park full and duputy head not letting anyone in. Had moment of madness and decided to dig heels in. Stopped in middle of road in front of 2 traffic morons and refused to move point blank. Just sat there and sat there holding up all traffic in front and behind, they say I causing obstruction I say not, I just here to pick up child and where else was I meant to go. I then pulled in front of gates and refused to move till deputy head let me in...which he did ....eventually. Lots and lots and lots of cars all hooting...can't imagine why???

Will elaborate on the Froll situation. On saturday after I'd had a wicked night in the Purple Emporer with the Prawn I went to Hertford to collect Froll who had offered to put up Thing one's new furniture due to ex-husband in mourning over loss of close friend...thats another sad tale. Now when I collected Froll I was dead pleased and most happy but by time I dropped him back on sunday I'd just about had Froll up to eyeballs. Why...was it that he picked all the courgettes out of the lasagne that I cooked him? Was it the body odour - he clearly not wear deodorant? Was it that he used the cereal bowl that thing two had left in garden as an ashtray? Was it that he put the FUCKING drawer fronts on WONKY? Was it that he told me he thought I was most beautiful woman Ever? (incidently I like it the first time he said it but after hearing it 75 times it started wearing a bit thin) Was it the fact that he bought 2 bottles of wine and drank one and half of them himself leaving me sober and him pissed as a fart? Was it that he not watch film but talked all way through it and kept staring at me and asking me if I ok? Was it that he kept me awake all night I continually had to keep asking him to remove his poxy leg off my stomach? Was it that on date two he'd fixed it up for us to a)go running together b) go to Dirty Dancing as my christmas present c) go to Cape Verde d) go to an auction together to buy my next car d)have a week on his yacht with my children down the Thames even though I told him they not get on he assured me they would love it (noooo they would hate it sooooooooo much) e) that he would valet my car f)we would do something special together over christmas g) can't remember but there was more. Or was it that he kept helping himself to my mouth wash but due to his dyslexia he not read label that states quite clearly Shake to Activate (its dentadyl and it comes in two parts) so he just swilling the clove oil round in his mouth - and ended up smelling of sausage rolls. OH God it horrendous. Or was it that he kept helping himself to my fags, smoking about a third of one, putting it out and throwing it away. I guess I could cope with one or two of these things but not all of them at me in one go. There was lots of other stuff as well, but these are just the ones that spring to mind right now. So last night when he called me (OOOPs just remembered another one. He phoned his little boy and put on the campest high pitched voice I ever heard come from human being...don't ask me why but that major turn off.) ah yes last night when he called I told him I not sure what problem was, that I not able to put my finger on it but I not feeling right about us. When pressed I told him he come on too strong and it too much. He not impressed and say he delete me from phone. But he did thank me for letting him know early on. Hoooooray.
Thats all for now folks.
xx

Another one bites the dust

2009-10-19T14:24:00.000-07:00

I seem to be permanently a week behind on my blog entries and have a huge chunk of summer missing. Some of the highlights were to do with Michael, a party with a naked woman on a motorbike, the guys that I met round the bonfire who took me to their garden to show me their courgettes, insulting the shameless family, the Prawn and her IT department blocking her from using her e-mail account at work due to the Swedish Porn and countless other events which I may never get round to logging for future reference.
But I will backtrack to last friday, not the one just gone but the one before when the Prawn and I went to Hertford for a night on the Prowl, that would the night I wore my control knickers and looked a bit like rod Stewart. After asking my exhusband where was best place to go with lots of men he directed us to The Barge where I sat on a bar stool and met very nice man, who had a yacht, was single and rather nice. Within a few minutes him and his friends were escorting us to a club called Decco where we all got on famously, they bought all our drinks and we danced. The young man in question told me he loved to dance and that he'd been to stage school and that music ran through his blood and that he tended to get a bit carried away...he not kidding! But when he did a forward roll across the dance floor, got told off by the bouncers and I could barely stay standing cos my legs were threatening to buckle under me due to hysterical giggling I decided not to hold it against him, in fact in light of the Hitler episode still very fresh in my mind I figured it was a good thing. He shall be known from now on as forward roll or froll for short. So, me and froll got on so well that I decided to accept offer of date and we swapped numbers. In fact when the Prawn and I got home we decided that forward rolls were literally the way forward and did them across her living room floor in drunken fashion till the early hours of the morning when we collapsed with exhausted mirth and then woke with raging headaches and slutty smeared makeup faces. Best way to wake on a saturday morning. I just have to say that her forward rolls were far superior to mine. Mine ended mostly with me on my back like a very huge starfish in very tight leggings.
So, Froll and I went on a date to Loch Fine which is a really fancy new fish restaurant, we both had the seabass. And I came home on cloud nine. Full of hope and a warm fuzzy feeling that maybe just maybe this could be IT.
to be continued ....... xxx

Over rover.

2009-10-16T04:18:00.000-07:00

Yipp yippy doooo It’s Friday AGAIN. How quick did that turn up.
I was going to publish transcript of the final conversation that I had with Secret Lover. Of course it is rather private but on the other hand I really do not ever want to forget what he said. It’s a bit like childbirth, our brains forget the pain and then we only go and do it all over again. So here it is in fully gory detail. This was all done by text, which accounts for it being particularly inarticulate by both parties, but it wouldn’t matter how you put this argument. Every word of it screams complete and utter ignorance, racism, inability to stick to the point, or string a meaningful argument together along with a total misunderstanding of History, the world we live in and the terrorism that we all face. Oh and he has a seriously overinflated ego. This all began after I told him I was disgusted by his choice of hero and not to bother contacting me again.

Him: "Ok that’s fine. God forbid someone to have a difference in of opinion to you! Thought you were smart enough to see that not everything is black and white."
Me: 28 million dead civilians caused by a psychopath is pretty black and white to me
Him: How many innocent people have the Muslims already killed? How many will they kill? If we had a modern day Hitler it wouldn’t happen he wouldn't let it
Me: I put Osama on the same lvl as Hitler
Him: He’s gutless and he hides away! Hitler didn't
Me: R u making that point in defence of Hitler
Him: I'm not defending what he did! I'm saying he stood up for his nation and what he believed in. Almost English person would love to be rid of the Muslims and for us to have our country back.
Me: He wasn’t even German he was Austrian and he wasn't just about ridding the Jews. He wanted world domination and the perfect race. Yr nephew wd not have faired too well. He blamed the Jews for Germany's crisis when in fact Germany was merely paying the price 4 starting and losing ww1. I do understand what you are saying about standing up 4 yr country but admiring a monster for whatever reason is beyond my comprehension. If I had known this before it would have been a lot more difficult to love you
Him: The world is full of sheep all following each other with no idea where they want to go! I am not a sheep and I am able to think outside the box not many people can do that
Me: Baaaaa baaaaa bleet bleet (not really). I actually said nothing whatsoever
Him: You can't love people who just agree with you that’s where you go wrong! I don’t agree with things you say but I respect your opinion. Anyway it don’t matter now I hope u meet someone and are very happy
Me: No but I cd not be wiv someone who's beliefs were so different from mine. Now go away and leave me b.
Of course am just very relieved that I have not been shagging a sheep although I think I might have noticed. Wolf in Sheep’s clothing more like. He's stark raving bonkers.

This is all a bit heavy for a friday so now I'm going to put it behind me and have brill weekend with nice man that I met in Hertford last week. Details of our meeting are yet to follow.... stay posted.
Minty xx

Friday, tails and Hitler

2009-10-09T10:05:00.000-07:00

Yippppeee it's friday and I'm about to go out after eventful week. Tonight I have finally given in and got some leggings, well they're jeggings actually, suspect I look a bit like Rod Stewart but this is what people wear (well teenagers actually). I have also borrowed thing one's straighteners and her necklace that she got out of Primark. Shame my hair appointment not till Monday.
I am much deserving of night out after seriously acrimonious split with Secret Lover, I wasn't going to say what his revelation was as I would be too ashamed to say it if it were me but he unrepentant and we have had considerable arguement over it all done by text. So if thinks its ok to think like that then he wont mind me publishing it will he? What happened was when we got up on saturday he was singing if I ruled the world and I muttered under my breath. "if you ruled the world we'd all be in trouble" after a few minutes of telling me what he'd do to make it a better place he announced that Hitler was one of his greatest heroes. I had no idea how I was going to react and I reacted rather badly, evoked huge amount of feeling in me. By the time ~I'd driven away any affection I had had drained out of me, weird. It was actually a physical thing. Anyway, it's over, I have a transcript of a text session which I will publish next week. Just to remind myself..lest I forget and are tempted to start seeing him again. Don't suppose he's ever been dumped on moral grounds but hopefully he will realise that his opinions can turn people against him.
Other main event of week was to do with the gerbils. I was downstairs when I heard this shriek and after running up stairs I was greeted with tearful thing two cradling small gerbil with tail missing. Tail was down loo and all that was left of it was long thin exposed bone, it had literally fallen off like a glove. Blood everywhere, she'd tried to wash it in the sink. Thought I might faint but after phoning ex husband turns out this is normal. WEll wonders never cease do they! Our world is indeed a strange place.
mint xx

Grrr Get me outta this mess

2009-10-03T05:06:00.000-07:00

Happy Saturday morning!
I am sat with my mother, we are shortly going to the church to have the new cat blessed. This morning I got up at 7:30 and went and got Lily a little cat carrier, a heart shaped bowl and a red velvet collar with diamonte studs on it. Am most looking forward to event. My mothers boyfriend has just put up my new blinds....was supposed to having new flooring put down in thing one's room but it hasn't arrived. I have decorated her room. This act came very close to total diaster when my mother came to help and we decided (I decided) to cover up the outline of the pink flowers on thing ones wallpaper before we painted it pink. So, I did the coving and handed my mother tin of undercoat, at no point did she tell me she was painting gloss undercoat onto my emulsion walls!!!!! So, you can imagine my surprise when after I painted it pink it was covered in giant darker pink spots where the emulsion had't been absorbed. I just stood there open moutheed staring in horror at total mess! Then we kind of fell about and I laughed hysterically, well it was either tht or cry. Today I am feeling somewhat out of sorts. Last night I went out with Secret Lover and stayed at his house last night. We had a really wicked night out..but this marred this morning when he made a revelation which turned my heart to stone. Not sure whether to reveal it in here. I personally would be ashamed to say what he said..let alone think it. It goes against the grain of any compassionate person. Anyone with an anounce of decency would not think that way and would think the entire opposite. I am appalled and not sure what to do. In fact I am withdrawing my support in all ways and would rather drink my own vomit through a straw than spend one more minute with him...I am that disgusted. So actually I do know what to do...as I've just said it. To tell him or not..that is the question. Perhaps I will simply pull back and cease to communicate. I am sure that he can live without me quite happily.
mint xx
Ps it is now 4 hours since writing the above. The time finally came to tke the cat to the church. Do you think I could find cat. Hell no. Cat vanished. GGGGGGR. Even more pissed off. Cat has since reappeared sopping wet. Cat not blessed.
Minty x

Back by popular demand

2009-09-25T09:09:00.000-07:00

Hello, I am back by popular demand. Today one of my audience of approximately 3 indicated that they rather missed my blog, so I am back. Things sure have changed around here! Yep, I no longer have naps in the afternoons, they have been replaced by an hour of aerobics. No more ready made meals either, they have been replaced by cooked from scratch creations by moi! Things actually ate celery, leeks and some other vegetables the other day. Disguised as soup. I no longer spend hours on facebook or computer but have been going out for walks with thing two and we have a nightly read-in. I have a new cat. It is white and I found it in the street wandering about trying to get food. Invited it in and it has never left. Only has half a tail mind you. Cannot believe how filthy it gets.....keeps climbing up chimney. Her name is Lily.
My Mother is looking forward to her wedding. I visited the other day to see dress. There we were examining the hem when we realised that thing two had been very quiet. Any parent will tell you that this is a bad sign. Suddenly she appeared in the parlour (yes mother has a parlour) holding a bloody great croaking frog!!!! I nearly died convulsing! After much hoo haring we persuaded her to put it back in the pond where she'd got it. My mothers wedding plans are going well, she has managed to get most amazing dress from Oxfam. She told me she wanted everyone to be as relaxed as possible. No dress code or formality etc etc. She said she didn't mind what anyone wore or anything, then she asks me what I'm wearing. "Oh, my Ted Baker silk dress" I says. The look of disappointment on her face! OMG! "Doesn't it make you look rather busy?" she enquires "I was hoping you'd wear your races dress...." Well of all the cheek. So, I'm now wearing my races dress. Then she starts on my hair.
Her "How are you wearing your hair?
Me "Errr curly, I expect"
Her with look of total dismay "Oh, but it would look so much better up"
Me "But I feel nice with curls"
Her "don't you care what you look like"
Me....unsaid but I was thinking. Mother you are treading on seriously dangerous ground here. ~Think this is rich coming from some one who once wore vertical stripes on trousers and horizontal stripes on top, I actually refused to go out of front door with her until she changed. This was some years ago.
I am wearing hair curly whether she like it or not.
Secret Lover and I have had several fundez-vous. He has enlisted my help to try and get into politics. So, I have suggested that step number one should be to join the masons. HA ha Grafitti would be turning in his grave, if he were dead, which he is not, as Thing two saw him the other day and informed us all that he has a new cardigan. Grafitti considered that the Masons were route of all evil and that they baby sacrificing gang of peads and murdering illuminati.
I don't believe a word of it. Think they just rather eccentric organisation of professionals who consider themselves a bit superior who wear strange aprons and have odd codes of conduct. Think it would be good to get invited to one of their shindigs. I looking forward to it. Have some other steps for Secret Lover to tread for his career in politics. Before I go one last thing. Today I have had brace fitted to upper teeth so I now speak with lisps. Am unable to say the words; Brenda, Tracey, Chris or Rowena. People with L's in their names should be ok.
Mint x

Terrible September

2009-09-06T04:33:00.001-07:00

Well, September has got off to what can only be described as a dreadful start. After our Canary Holiday in Lanzagrote and Tenergrife I came back, did my 8 loads of washing, made 12 jars of jam and existed in quite a peaceful and serene state for a week which then became an even more tranquil when Thing Two went to Whitby for a week with POD. On her return we had the build up to going back to school, which has obviously now happened but not without trauma, tantrums and massive failures on my part. Firstly, and all of this is the tame part, I forgot to buy polo tops, I'd forgotten that I binned the whole lot of them at tail end of last term in a bid to get thing two to wear the 6 dresses that I'd bought, I figured if I threw the winter uniform in bin she'd have no choice...this worked...well it would wouldn't it. God I'm clever!!! Anyway, I'd forgotten all about the tops. Bought new trousers, hairbands, skirts etc etc but when we came to lay it all out it was quite apparent that something major missing, so I phoned the shop which had just shut and literally begged them to reopen. They having none of it so we had to camp out at 8:45 on the first day of term outside shop with all the other twits that had done the same thing. Late on first day of term...entirely down to silly Mummy. Thing two had a birthday and I had the entire family round...this is where it gets interested. You see the day before Thing two's birthday I had the prawn round for sunday dinner and I phoned thing one at 6:00pm to tell her to make her way home for dinner...did she come, did she heck. Nope she turned up at 9pm in the dark after I'd spent 3 hours going potty, phoning people and generally having kittens. Her excuse for being late was that she'd been attacked by a tramp in WH smith!!! Her friend Gobby had told her that the tramp she was stood next to was a tramp and a pervert and Thing one had exclaimed and overracted. Which annoyed tramp greatly who got hold of her outside shop by her shirt and told her he might be a tramp but she was a tramp too and that she was a fucking bitch!! Thing one now scared of being in bed at night. Anyway after that she encountered some boys one of whom Gobby had been out with..this guy is called Jay and is 3 years older than them and by all accounts is a nasty piece of work, he smokes, drinks, has quit school and will no doube end up in prison before long, well there's a bit of a problem with him and his friends and it ends up with him chasing thing one, gobby and their two friends wielding a knife...yes a knife..all the way down to the train station. Thing one was picked up by a friend of mind and taken home. I was out at Much Hadham Fete, watching a dog show when she got back and feeling scared of being alone she'd gone back out again, Gobby lost her phone and the pair of them decided to look for it, hence lateness. Thing one spend evening in room with her dinner and is grounded for one week. The day after thing two's birthday I went to work and Thing one snuck out, breaking her house arrest only to turn up dripping wet at 3pm having been chucked in the River Stort. Yes I at end of tether...totally and utterly. At Thing two's party entire family spent whole hour lecturing thing one about her appalling behaviour.
More to follow....
Minty xx
Ps I am bundle of nerves

still in Tenerife

2009-08-09T13:26:00.001-07:00

Well here I am again in sweaty casino where the cheap internet kiosks are. Been for lovely Italian meal today, last night was chinese, which we trailed across town for, right `past all the more upmarket and swanky hotels. Hotel Tropical Gardens rathe r alot nicer than Palm Beach Club. I said yesterday that the presentation was 5 hours long, and so it was but to be fair it was quite fair. I am reckoning that they profiled me and matche dme to sales rep with lots in common. Lynsay very nice and very like me so after 5 hours of chatting I was very at home in her company. I´ve also sussed that part of the sales patter is that they tell you they will get rocketed by the boss if you don´t buy or invest, this it to make you feel guilty. Then the boss comes over at the end and actually tells the sales rep off right in front of you and leaves a really sour note to whole experience. I care not. Lynsay just bought an Alfa Romeo T Spark so she´s doin ok. and Slime bucket boss from Surrey was just vile. I no feel guilty, and I told him I was there for the cheap holiday that they offered me and that I´d upheld my obligations and thats all that is required of me.
Can´t wait to come home. Want to see my secret lover.
the things have been really good today and they were pretty good throughout the 5 hr presentation yesterday as well. But I seem to have spent a ridiculous amount of money on eating out, so may have to be a bit more frugal for rest of hols. thing two had some cornrows in Lanzarote but we took them out yesterdya as they falling out and looking horrid. Also on last night in Lanzarote we went in club house and played Deal or No deal and drank (well I did anyway) loads a cocktails. Harvey Wallpaper Hangers and we actually won a prize...a jar of pasta sauce, some pasta shapes and a camel lolly. Then this woman from Newport (almost everyone there was from Newport) fell over and knocked herself out and they had to call for an ambulance. It´s all go in Lanzarote!! Thing two won the weeks colouring competition. Top Star Thing Two! Tenerife not as hot as Lanzarote. Lanzarote like furnace. In face our Road was called the Avenida de Cauldron. Ha ha. Gotta go, am over heating here and think I could do with another drink.
xxx
ps the sand here is dark grey and when its wet it goes black and sludgy. Girls love it.

Tenerife

2009-08-08T15:42:00.001-07:00

well I´m still on my vacation. We are now in Tenerife. Had massive massive row in cabin of ferry en-route. Journey from hell . Felt like I was confined in cage with 2 wild animals. They have fought like cat and dog. They have been much better since only batteirng each other a few times since. If I was ever concerned that thing one was becoming anorexic I know realise I don´t need to worry. She is a total gannet and can easily out eat me at any given moment. I have never seen such consumption. Lost phrase book just when I needed it most at the port in Gran Canaria where we were held in limbo. Got the massive hump as whole place filled with machines for coffee, ice cream etc except that no change available and morons behind kiosks non cooperative. So have taken to speaking in English but just adding io on end of everything ie. changio, stupidio, cowio, tosserio, wankerio. you get the picture. Anyway here we are at our luxury timeshare accommodation, which i got at expensive of 100 pounds on condition that io attend presentation, which was today. OK guess how long it ttok? 5 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, but did not buyt one evenb when snake from Surrey got decidedly shitty. Gotta go time running out and am tired. xxxx

Canary Adventure

2009-08-04T13:52:00.000-07:00

I am in an internet cafe in Lanzagrote. I´ve just stuffed myself and the things with amazing tapas. So good and total bill only came to 22 euros including drinks. It´s been spectactularly hot and I have gone and got as usual a wee bit of suburn. But as I bought this special aloe vera 100% lotion it shouldn´t be a problem. Apparently it cure pretty much everything. I have also got conjunctivitus. Bout right for holidays. This particularly holiday got off to a bad note but has settled down and we´re having a good time. The things drove me to complete distraction for the first 2 days, what with their stupid tantrums, swearing, fighting, moaning and general spoil behaviour. Threatened them with coming home early ... I really meant it too. Thing two succumbed to my nagging to go to the kids club and I went out and found another teenage thing and invited her to our apartment to play Klutz with thing one. (cut out paper dolls) Chloe goes to a private school in oxford and starts school at 8 and finishes at 8pm everynight, I suspect they have zero in common. They just sat and giggled for 10 minutes and then apparently after 20 minutes of being left alone they finally spoke to each other. God this is hard work. Thing two has cornrows, which have bits of sunburn in between them. A nice lady from Senegal did them. Apparently Senegal is quite close by. We managed to get ourselves to a very hot market the other day and bought lots of random items, incluidng the aloe vera stuff, a purse, a bracelet and a tile with the words lanzarote on it. Something else which iç can´t recall. I was then ill that night...too much sun, stress, and lasagne. Was proper ill in loo. I had also pulled muscle in shoulder and things being very unsympathetic. Twas round about this time that I issued threat. Shoulder much better as are my nervers. Managed to read my book for a whole 2 hours under palm tress today. Persuasion by Jane Austen. Anyway, we´re moving islands in a day or so, so will report back soon xxx

all manner of things.

2009-06-26T08:01:00.000-07:00

Hello
It's been a while since I wrote on here. How neglectful of me. tut tut. Since I last wrote I have sold stacks of stuff on e-bay. Made up with Secret Lover, got dumped by Secret Lover 3 days later and we are now back on again. Last time I saw him was about one hour ago and it was definitely on. Talk about yo yo situation. I have no idea if we are going to Moscow or not but he promised to make me a blackberry cheesecake, so he's obviously planning on continuing as Blackberries aren't in season till end Aug and its only end of June. (Although he might not know this - he might think they're in season next week or something - so who knows!) Also, been attacked by raging rabbit, rabbit in deep shit. Got soaked by loads of Brownies whilst playing water games with them, but my team won so thats good. Made loads of raspberry jam with fruit from my garden. Made bunting for my garden as well. But garden still horrible mess, it's covered inrabbit poo and pot holes where rabbit keeps trying to escape. Had 2 dates with 2 different men. Have failed miserably to get a date for 4th of July so I'm going with my all time fave, gawjus and reliable person. It's me, myself and I. Have bought myself Ted Baker dress to wear. Just need shoes. I've had several crap friday nights,mainly down to the Prawn. The first one was when she dragged me to the pub, drank too much, picked up my drink and walk out with it informing me that we were going home. She then went upstairs and passed out. All by 8:30 on a friday night,leaving me on my own in her front room to amuse myself with her TV. Not impressed. The following week she said she'd comeout with me but then blew me out so I ended up in on my own. Then last friday she came round, ate fish pie a la Murph with me and we watched "Walk The Line" I suppose that passes for an ok friday evening. Both my dates with Jon and with Michael were ok, everything is just OK. I want a whole lot more than OK. Not sure what I want..maybe thats why I havent got it. Or have I, maybe I just want brief fundez vous with Secret Lover. Would like to get some sort of commitment from Secret Lover to supply me with weekly encounter, lots of kisses, occasional friday night together and sunday lunches cooked by either party. That would suit me fine. Oh and Moscow to be back on. Thats the thing though...casual commitment. Is that possible? Does that not defeat the object? Confused.
x
PS thing one is now eating breakfast again
PPS Michael Jackson has died, though I'm pretty sure everyone knows that.
PPPs My pod is getting married and every conversation we have is about weddings.
PPPPPs One of my recent dates has a piecing on his manhood. But I'm not saying which date. OMG. Am thinking that sex with him would be nerve racking. Would be worried his piercing would get entangled with my coil. So I doubt I'll be seeing him again.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2009-06-05T04:00:00.001-07:00

And it gets worse. I am wondering if its just me or is everyone’s life filled with moments of fraughtness and conflict. I have to believe it’s the same for everyone.
Didn’t mention Secret Lover in my last post as this deserves a posting all of it’s own. On the Friday of my return I received a visit from SL, gave him his holiday present. Presented with the words “his and hers shells from the bottom of the ocean”. He chose the one he wanted and told me he’d been waiting for me to come back. We then snuggled up under my duvet and we made plans for a holiday in Moscow in the autumn. He also told me how his sex drive seemed to be dwaning (is that a real word or did I just make it up..oh whatever). He said that the previous week a girl had virtually chucked herself at him and he had felt no desire to go back to her house as she was requesting. So I said that’s good cos I want you all to myself. To that he gave me a kiss. Anyway…I then got sick during the week and was just about recovering on Wednesday evening and decided to text the following:
“If you free Friday night do you fancy doing something?”
This is what I got back!!! “Sorry babe, I’m staying round my girlfriends”. What fxxxing girlfriend...he might have had the integrity to mention it before. But thats him all over.
I felt the blood drain out of me and I honestly thought for a moment that I was going to die. But I didn’t. I’m still here. Although a wee bit of me did actually die. But then another bit grew, bigger, stronger and with more resolve. Instead of texting back I phoned the Prawn. Cried profusely down the phone. Then pulled myself together. He got no response from me whatsoever, but he did text back the following day “Sorry if I upset you”. Not very comforting is it? Not very informative either. Sooo what to do.... Am I bothered? Of course I am. So I phoned him and told him I am so not sharing. Also told I not want to be his girlfriend anyway even if he wanted me to be as I not trust him as far as I can throw him. I said that only way I would be with him is if we were married. All starting to sound like proposal of marriage instead of big dumping session so I then announced I no see him again. He's probably totally confused. Not confused enough to go and play tennis though. Thats what it said on his facebook this morning. So she can play tennis too.. Suspect she thinner than me. Odd isn't it. That the thought of him playing tennis with someone else is worse than thought of them in bed together. Thats because I can't even hit the bloody ball! When the ball comes towards me I duck or move out of its way. Think new floozy should bog off back to south africa, whence where I believe she comes from. She has washboard stomach. I hate her with vengeance. I have deducted all this from facebook.
I have not sat on my laurels though. No way sirree. I have a plan. I am in dire need of a date for 4th July, which is not that far off. I am going to posh event run by posh friends in the Village - that would be dream village where I am trying to ensconse myself. I have 4 candidates lined up. Would be escorts are: Jon from Stortford who is gas central heating engineer, 5'7, kids but not live with him. Sounds nice. Michael, who is tall and attractive but comes with 6 children, can only hazard a guess at what his hobbies are, he is local and has suggested I meet him friday with my mates and he will buy us all a drink. Could take this 2 ways. He's very generous or, he's crap with money. Then there is Scott. Chose Scott on a whim, he dressed up like a goblin in his photo. Figured no one else would look at him...he's very funny. I like. But think he may be a bit too old for me. Then there is spare guys. Apparently, he took another single lady to the 'posh function' last year and they had good time...need to find out if he still available.
Yours, from she who has so far escaped with dignity intact ie managed not to cry down phone or beg him to dump her for me.
Minty xx

Reality

2009-06-05T02:34:00.000-07:00

Oh the joy of coming back to reality.

Came back home from paradise a week ago. The night before we came home, which would be the evening that we went snorkelling with the turtles POD experienced a panic attack at 4am, ended up trying to find some sodium bicarb from the security guards whilst she being sick in the loo, due to acid reflux, due to panic, due to too many puffs on her inhaler. Couldn’t get sodium bicarb so opted to talk about all manner of things in vain hope that I’d take her mind off it and hey presto it worked. Then took her for walk round the hotel grounds dressed in pyjamas…I was hoping for a glimpse of the monkeys but they did not materialise. Very sad to leave Barbados behind. And come back to THIS!!!

On the Saturday I went to Aunt Vivian’s 70th birthday party, taking Prawn with me as it said to bring ‘partner’. Got very confused by fact that ex-husbands entire family also going yet their invitations were for 2 hours before mine. What?? So turned up when I felt like it to find myself in the midst of a family wedding that I clearly wasn’t meant to attend…along with my pal. I had only gone and worn White… aaaaargh. Ex-husband’s cousin Catherine had got married to Gary in secret and decided to combine it with Vivian’s party. Place full of South Africans. Decided to get pissed and leave car there in church hall car park, much to the Thing one’s disgust. So chatted to several guests and secured lifts home for me, prawn and both things. Noticed at this point that ex husband had look of disapproval as he was witnessing this. I then noticed that lots of people had picnic blankets to eat their hog roast on so I got my sleeping bag out of the car…. Noticed that ex-husband expression starting to look like contempt. I then had major argument with thing one as she announced she wanted to go home early. Thing two got ex-husband involved…By this time I’d had 3 glasses of wine and was sprawled across sleeping bag. Now what did he say. Oh yes I remember.
He said “Why can’t you do as they want?”
Me “because I’m in charge, not them and I’ve decided that I’d like to stay and have a drink. You are supposed to back me up”
Him “well if you stop now, you could still drive home”
Me “I’ve had 3 glasses of wine”
Him “Yes, but you’d be ok”
Me “Are you suggesting I drink and drive with out daughters in the car?”
Him “This is not the place for you to be arguing with Thing one”
Me “I’m going to get some more wine”
Him (with look of total hatred) “What you going to do with this thing”(referring to sleeping bag)
Me “I’m going to come back and sit on it”
With that he took Thing one inside and left me to enjoy myself. Hooray. Now I remember why he’s my ex-husband. Embarrassed by a sleeping bag!! Hoot hoot.
Rest of party went with a swing. Thing one did not get her way. Ex-husband had to live with blue sleeping bag. I no longer accountable to him.
Mint xx

Post 3

2009-05-27T15:13:00.000-07:00

Its the pen ultimate nite and I really do not want to leave. Went swimming with the turtles today. Oh wow. They gorgeous creatures. I touched one as it swam past me. Felt like bottom of a dirty fish tank. Got underwater camera so will hopefully be able to display them...if they come out ok that is. The crew on ship were delightful. According to pod whilst I was chatting to one of them the other was asking my POD if I was married etc. Got photo of them too. POD had a mishap though..one of many..to be described in graphic detail later..lets just say she swam to the wrong boat by mistake and had to be rescued...oh my!!! She got jitters and almost had asthma attack and decided not to get in withy the turtles which was our 2nd snorkel stop. Can't believe how that happened. She shoulda stuck with me - I like leech with the guy with the food for the turtles. She got in after having snorkel lesson - even though she is good swimmer and has snorkedll many times. I skipped that bit and jumped straight in..got more time with the fishes that way but got separated from her. Have decided she not fit to be let loose in future. She almosst losst her luggage on the way out as well. LEft it in area of airport unattended and then couldn't find it. Lucky it not destroyed by several SAS. GOD.
I got massive social whirl to look forward to when I get home. 2 parties this weekend. yeee haaa. Tis good to have stuff to look forward to. Things coming back on Friday. Am going to imposee new stricter laws on them...with tougher penalties if they break them... xxx

2009-05-26T13:48:00.000-07:00

Post 2 from the Caribbean
Everytime I get as far as blogger after sending messages on facebook my internet time runs out. But here I am again. I started leading a double life almost as soon as I got here. This si due to fact that I kept sneaking off from POd to have a crafty fag. She blissfully unaware that I had been anywhere but in fact I'd been out making friends with people that smoke - as I had not brought a light. Anyway it got to the point where I fugured that she is 25 years older than me and when she was my age she drank and smoke and behaved just like me...so when the German Guy that I'd shared a drink and a fag with earlier in the day came and sat with me and POD I just lit up. Waited fro the doomy bit but it never came so I just carried on. Got a bit pissed the other day at the surfer bar and felt positively self conscious doing that in front of POD but since then have made some friends, but they went home today. booo hoo.
This island is awesome, there are monkeys in the trees behind the hotel. I went chasing after one the other day but it way to quick for me. Going to swim with the turtles tomorrow. Can't wait. Its so beautiful. sunburn gone and am very nice colour. News from home is that Thing two, who had developed obsession with catarpillars before I cam eaway is covered in rash as she allergic to them. The things have gone to Centerparks in France with their Dad. It was the organisation of having to get them ready for that holiday which was so stressful before I cam aweay. I had to organise 2 days of them going to school in my absence as well as a weekend with their dad plus pack for their holiday. Never done so much washing and ironing in one go. Thats 10 pairs of socks each, 10 lots of undies, change of school unifirom, one case for weekend and one case each for holiday not to mention school lunchboxes and brownies, twas nightmare. Got in big pickle. This also my excuse for forgetting to bring half the things I needed for this holiday. No worry though. Very very happy xxx

Adventures in Barbados

2009-05-23T16:26:00.000-07:00

Yeeee haaa
I'm checking into my blog from the divine Barbados. Landed in paradise day before yesterday. Didn't get around to writing in here last week as simply didn't have the strength...such a bad week. Children based...aaaaargh. But here I am and loving every minute of it. When we arrived at Silver Sands Resort (which is down south - not on the posh strip) I rolled around in the sand cos I couldn't believe how gorgeous it was, I was then offered a joint by a couple of locals. Declined. Mainly in case my Mum caught me. Ha ha, some things never change. Unfortunately I got bitten all over by sand flies. Reckon they were waiting there with knives and forks and just as soon as they say me they said "on yer marks get set go!" I've forgotten my antihisitmine tablets - along with a whole load of other things I should've brought - including hair dryer, foundation, decent hairbrush etc etc. I'm here with POD and she got talking to some girls in the pool and one of them gave me 2 of here Benadryl which promptly knocked me out. Incidently one of them was called Titty. The mind boggles. I've also got sunburn...really should've concentrated whilst putting it on..it would be clear to anyone who looked at me that my mind was elsewhere whilst applying it. I've got 2 bright red kneecaps and bright red random patched on my chest. One of which looks just like a handprint.
Its been quite eventful, we went yesterday to some caves - I figured theyu would be nice and cool as my sunburn nice and bad. BUT we got on wrong bus and ended up in Tropical Gardens. Where I prompty fell asleep after dooing the blue trail. Fell aslweep on sun lounger surrounded by birds and butterflies. We then walked down big hill (calves are now killing me) and went into bar - where the atmosphere so bad that it spoke to me - it said "Getta outta me bar ya goddamn horribal foreigners". Left swiftly after purchasing bottle of diet coke which I managed to spill all over entire bar. Not that I regret that. We also had another odd experience there - I wandered off on beach on my own and this rastafarian surfing dude came up to me (he had only 2 teeth) and said "hellow dare, are ya from Kenya". I know...words failed me. Then he wanted my address. POD appeared out of nowhere and rescued me . pheew. We were only white people there due to fact that we got on local bus. Love this island though even if it full of strange people. This guy was walking behind us up the hill toward the church yesterday - he raning obscenities into thin air and we thought he was talking to us so we got a bit freaked (actually we started walking spectacularly quickly). ha ha. At top of hill he says in really nice voice "Hi, the bus stop is just over there". Food is wicked but we keep getting it wrong - we either not get enough of end of with piles of it...POD said if I eat what she eats I'll get thin - so I'm just letting her take charge of it. Don't feel very thin though.

Rollercoaster (that old cliche)

2009-05-11T23:37:00.000-07:00

Yes, I seem to be flying through life on a rollercoaster at the moment. Happy sad, happy sad. Not due to some type of mania that I've picked up (God forbid - I'm truly sane, or so I believe) but no, circumstances.
Where to begin, at the beginning...nope not got that much time. I've got to get up and do the school run, less traumatic than yesterday I hope, Thing two pretended to be ill but I saw through it and spent my make-up/hair application time consoling and cajoling her into getting ready for school - no mean feat I can tell you. Have since seen teacher, who I trust will fix stuff. Bugger I'm going to have to finish this post later. There's more .. about the keys, about Shameless,about Secret lover Bless his gorgeous soul, about the funeral and rest in peace, about the book, about the Fountain. Later xxx
Back again..
Sad bit first, the funeral was sooo sooo morbid but the sandwiches were top notch. Saw lots of family but cried through entire service. ooops. Didn't expect to do that. Shirley and I had the same conversation repeatedly every time I saw her. Very sad that this will not be repeated apart from this one last time.
Me "hello Shirley, how are you?"
Shirley "Hello Judy"...
Entire family in unison in loud tones "It's not Judy, it's Julie"
Shirely "Oh sorry Judy"
Me "It's fine Shirley, honest"
Thats it. For Shirley I give my identity away..she was worth it.
The Book - I've been dipping in and out of Celia Ahern but have just finished 'When Love Walked' in by Marisa de los Santos. Beautiful, I've neglected so much to read this..couldn't put it down. Dinners have been burnt, toys left in the garden, I even read it in the bath. Book like a butterfly flittering through a meadow touching briefly on things as it wafts happily along. How poetic.
The Keys
Keys indeed, as you know I've been using an immobiliser code everytime I start the engine..pain in the neck.. Shame the garage didn't tell me it wouldn't unlock the petrol cap!! Nope, I didn't find that out till I was in the petrol station on empty getting more and more flustered and panic stricken. Luckily I made it back to garage and had arranged to see Secret Lover that afternoon so he came and picked me up. He then returned to see me the next day..my love is slowy rekindling, but don't think I could ever fully trust him. But plan to continue..he's looking for Mrs Right anyway, and I know its not me. Sad but true.
Shameless - well there I was on Sunday afternoon, the day of the Race for Life, the whole of my home town had an air of optimism, people smiling and happy, but did the mood last, not in our street it didn't. The air was sweet with the scent of blossom and cowslips and Thing one and I were basking in the sun when peace was interrupted by the shrieking of Mr Shameless going apeshit at Mrs Shameless who was no doubt cowering in the kitchen teary eyed being told she was fucking useless and a fucking slut over and over again. I felt this surge of cortisone running through me and for a minute wished I was a 6'4" strapping man cos I swear I'd have gone round there and rammed him into next week. But I'm not and cortisone is bad for your immune system so I let it pass with a vow to keep close eye on Mrs Shameless and middlesize Shameless, both of whom have developed a stoop. Baby shameless well dressed and gorgeous and bubbly, middle shameless dressed like tramp, lank hair, so thin, oversized coat over tatty footwear, pale over long limbs and dressed for the wrong season. She looks more like orphan Annie than orphan Annie herself. And when she comes into play with Thing two they play families and Middle Shameless always re-enacts her time in Foster care. So so sad. Mr Shameless once told me he was very protective of middle shameless...he's got a funny way of showing it.
The Fountain - check out photos they speak for themselves. Bit of escapism.
Oh and I nearly forgot about the spiders. An entire colony of spiders were born from their eggs in my bed!!!!!! OMG there were hundreds of them, they must hatched in the footboard and crawled up my duvet to greet me. They've been evacuated.
Mint xx

keys, venison and brownies

2009-05-02T05:18:00.000-07:00

How most annoying..unable to upload photo's. Grrrr. But its been a bit like that this week. Yesterday my car keys just stopped working. Just like that. It's going to cost stacks to get new key then I have to have it programmed. Managed to persuade Renault to give me the immobiliser code but had to provide IDand vehicle registration. Bit difficult as I can't get car to start so had to walk. Set off and began to wonder why I hadn't taken my bike, but then decided walk along lots of nice smelling hedgerows was very good. Very good indeed. Discovered amazing smell coming from plant - bit like mimosa reminded me of all my childhood summers and holidays on beaches and camping all rolled into one. Delightful. It wasn't till I got back home,armed with code and minus loads of money that I discovered amazing scent was actually coming from me. Yep. My suntan lotion. Can't stop sniffing myself. How funny. Thing two was enrolled into the Brownies on thursday. She is a Leprechaun. She had to say her Brownie promise, which goes like this. I Promise to do my best, to love my God, to serve my Queen and my country, to think of other people and to do a keep the Brownie Guide Law. When asked if she knew what the Brownie Guide Law was she said a very definite "no". So they had to help her out. Bless. At least she was honest. After key episode on friday and upon realisation that keys gonna cost me I developed major rage which I decided to take out on the decking. Cleared whole area in 3 seconds of various bits of furniture, compost and assortment of plants and pots. Scrubbed it by hand to get rid of general filth and then covered it in evil chemical decking restorer. Which I then had to remove by scrubbing by hand as I not owner of hosepipe. Many buckets of water and 2 hours later I ended up covered from head to foot in sweat and black debris and on verge of fainting - felt like I'd run a marathon. After much needed bath I hit the pub with the Prawn who got completely lashed and I had to virtually carry her home. I on other hand completely sober. Whys that I ponders to myself. Apart from that only other event of week was that I attempted to cook Venison for secret lover. Dinner totally ick. He ate it anyway. Firstly, couldn't find my pestle and mortar to crush peppercorns and halfheartedly whacked em to death with a rolling pin before rolling venison steak in them. End result was that I chocked about 6 times whilst eating it. My creation was Venison Wellington, you had to make this stuff called duelluxe which consists of thyme of which I put far too much in, chopped onions, garlic and mushrooms fried till soft. You put that on some pastry (had to chop most of it off and chuck it as pastry had developed freezer burn in freezer) on top of a layer of pate, well I hate pate and I know he does too so I decided to put a layer of sage and onion stuffing in instead. Big mistake. He also hates mushrooms. Dinner absolutely revolting. Not coooking that again. Have since found pestle and mortar in garden, thing two had taken it to crush leaves with.
Byeeee byeeee

It's the weekend yippee

2009-04-25T03:04:00.001-07:00

Have you ever tried putting an entire eucalyptus tree into bin liners? No of course not. Well I have. The council will collect tree provided its in a bag. ha ha ha very funny. They will collect in batches of 8 bags at a time by giving me an allocated time slot for collection. So far I've filled 7 bags and its made very little impact on pile of tree in garden. Garden is hideous mess. I have borrowed burny bin thing from Shamelss but am unable to get it to burn anything. Would make crap arsonist.
I've taken my thriftyness to new heights and actually bought pre-loved dress the other day and have been wearing it..you'd never know, except I keep telling people. Got big mouth you see...can't keep it shut. The thing is if I want a new car and holidays in the Caribbean I'm simply going to have to buckle my belt and stop spending.
Its been a rather sad week as EH's Aunt Shirley died suddenly in her bed. She leaves many sad people behind. RIP Shirl.
On the other hand its been bloody marvellous, I've had supremely effective visit from Secret Lover - who is now lamenting over being pushed out of way father of 2 and being bossed about by ex girlfriend who is demanding money by crateful. Think he should shut up whining and make most of it, we're not here long enough. Wouldn't say that to him though...he so unhappy.
I've made up with Malaria, life's too short to have enemies, besides she love me, so she says. I have also sold stacks of stuff on e-bay, found an old friend on Facebook who has invited me to visit her in Boston, US. Feeling a trip stateside coming on perhaps next year. So many places to go and not enough time to do it all. I've got invitations coming out of my ears at the moment, so nice to be in demand. On Thursday night I took myself and thing two along to Brownies and before I could help myself I found myself volunteering my services once a week to help them...so I shall be known as a unit helper. I feel myself drawn more and more to the village and would so like to live there. Think it would suit me so well would like little white cottage with roses round door where I would wear Cath Kidson aprons whilst make jam which will win prizes for miles around. I shall have open gardens where people will come and admire my Holly Hocks and buy cups of tea and cakes. I shall be chair of the WI and also be a Brown Owl whilst sitting of various committees organising fetes and charity functions. oh.
Did I mentions the Book Fair, I think I forgot, well it was very good. The Brain, Janet and I decided to try and get as many freebies as possible. Icame away with 27 pens, a frisbee, 2 footballs, 5 novels, a condom?, 3 notepads, 3 diaries, a higlighter, 4 stress toys, 4 keep for life bags, a torch and a bout a kilo of sweets and a piece of cake. Not bad eh? Also met Nick Cave (ex rock star) who has written crap book copy of which he handed to me whilst dressed up as rabbit. Got photo of that, will put it on tomorrow.
byeeeee
Mint xx

Tropical Paradise - here?

2009-04-16T09:33:00.000-07:00

It's still the Easter holidays, which means that I don't have to do any school runs which can go either way, I get a whole afternoon of uninterrupted activity (usually housework) or I end up nodding off...today has been the latter. There I was reading/snoozing upstairs when thing two calls up to me "Can Raven come into play?" "of course", says I "Raven wants to see my gerbils". Alarm rushes through me...what if Raven eats them. "Err, I'd rather you kept them in their cage". Eventually curiosity got better of me and I went downstairs to take a peck, I mean peek at Raven. Was expecting to see trail of feathers leading from front door to child size black bird with enormous wingspan, preening itself with beak in my conservatory. Pleasantly surprised to be greeted by small boy human playing with Pet Shop toys. Decided to keep conversation to minimum in case I had tourettes moment and kept making involuntary bird quips. Or worse still, I might burst into song, "The Birdie Song" or "I believe I can Fly", or The Carpenters, "Close to You".
Had a nice adventure out of town on Tuesday, we went to Centerparcs. Found it rather nice..much better than expected, had been filled with intrepidation that might be extortionately expensive...not too bad. On arrival things and Michelle's things (we went with Michelle - separate cars) went to sweet shop and purchased for cost of £1.50 each a sherbet tube..that was all they could afford. I did take photo of offending tube but it not come out...conspiracy of centerparcs...all photos of expensive items self destruct in camera. They went off to play in park whilst Michelle andI had hour long coffee break. Hooray. She had a coffee mocha and I opted for regular coffee at half the price which gave me refills.. ha ha...can't help myself, been brainwashed by thrifty book. Coffee consumed we headed for Tropical Paradise swimming pool. Very hot and humid in there, felt quite faint at first. Full of very pale british people all slightly overweight, ony to be expected. Discovered lots of slides, went down big tubey slide with thing two, slid underwater and surfaced with feeling that I'd swalled 12 razorblades. Aaargh. Horrid swimming pooly feeling. Retreated to seats and comfort from pink towel then stuffed face with ryvitas and houmous. Am creature of habit. Also took dip in whirlpool, lasted exactly 15 seconds in there, before leaping out shrieking "oh my eyes, my eyes" actually in reality I was more discreet, it like sitting in bubbling heated chlorine/eyewatering acid. Then found hot wall.It's heated to 40degrees and you stand against it looking like total lemon. After tropical pool experience took things and Ellie on a pedalo, argued with my things for the entire 30 minutes about who will steer and who will pedal and where we should pedalling to. Must have made entertaining listening to all other pedalo occupants, who were gently wafting round lake. Exhausting. Was glad when that over. Had big lake walk. Saw hundreds of rabbits..ah. Villas that people stay in were bit of surprise. Not exactly villas, more like sixties prefabs. Then as you will see from photos we all bundled onto giant spinning swing. Much fun and frolics in playground before heading to Cafe Rouge for appalling service but really good value and very very nice Breton Poulet. Final act of day was spending lots of time roaming car park in small groups trying to find blessed cars, yelling occasionally, "you found it yet? or where are ya?" into darkness. Perfect day out...fell into deepest slumber ever once home only to be awoken by ranting texts of Grafitti. Made no sense whatsoever and have concluded that they may have been random song lyrics by crazy druggy lyricist? Perhaps..hope so, surely he can't be that mad for real. Am changing phone number.
Thats all for now folks. Am off to make dinner.
Minty xx

puppies, dead trees, injured dolls

2009-04-11T05:37:00.000-07:00

I awoke this morning with the themetune to Magic Roundabout going round in my head...still there. Figured I would illustrate garden crisis. As you can see garden desolate mess, even washingline lying unconscious on lawn, fainted from shock and has not yet been revivived. Tree roots yet to be removed. I will never plant another tree again. Also, please note thing two's handywork which still inhabits decking and it's been raining making it all the more icky job to clear up. Am hoping for high winds in the night that might take it away without me having any input. Received booty call at 2am from Secret Lover...nothing doing. Could note awake myself sufficiently. Is big nerve anyway. In my coma I also forgot to mention puppies but have decided that next time I get puppy request I will text back the following:
"Puppies gone, too much of handful...unable to support them any longer, gone to better home, sold to thin lady from thoughtful-on-the-mature, her need greater than mine". That should stop him in his tracks. Am currently clearing out toy box trying to match decapitated heads and amputated limbs back onto correct torso's and then will attempt to dress all dolls. Am thinking BootSale. hmmm.
Must go, dolls in pain, they calling me. Am Nurse Mint. xx Happy Easter

Good Friday

2009-04-10T10:44:00.000-07:00

Here we are again, Easter. Suffering here, finding the things scoffing eggs agonisingly awful. Like full blown torture. Am also bored stupid. I've done housework all day...windows in and out. I've had my Eucalyptus tree cut down...garden now resembles cleared rainforest. Feel very guilty, I grew it from a foot high, but really growing 40ft tree in tiny garden not practical, very unpractical as it turns out...roots impeding next doors vegetable patch culminating in 2 broken forks...oooops. What to do with 40ft tree on back lawn giving me big problem. Hope council will help me. Must drag tree onto front lawn and wreck that too. Thing two has taken 4 branches and striped bark off of it with hand trowel and left bark all over decking. Sometimes you have to weight up the mess with the amount of time it keeps them occupied. Mess will take 5 minutes to clear, bark took 4 hours to strip. ~Win win. Thing one has boyfriend. She very smiley. His name is Dylan...must remember to ask him should I get chance if his parents big fans of Magic Roundabout. Drove Thing one to Brent Cross shopping Centre yesterday for new clothes and came home and celebrated as I actually managed to get her pair of jeans..usually she rejects all items purchased. So, told her she could have whatever she wanted...came home with jeans, 1 grey cardigan to add to her grey cardigan collection, 4 tops, no swimsuit and no shoes...grrrr. Means I shall have to do it all over again. Thing one quite horrified at big mess of derelct houses lining one side of North Circular road. Culture shock. Came home and consumed half bottle of wine and rather lot of cigarettes. Will do same again tonight. Am reading very good book, chick lit with a twist. Chick lit with does of domestic violence...puts me in mind of when I went to doctors some years ago and told doctor I feeling down..she got leaflets out, and looked at me sympathetically and started telling me statistics of domestic violence etc etc and how she understood. Looked very disappointed when I said I no have man in life and no such thing occuring in my house. She slid leaflets back in drawer. Back to books...have also purchased amazing book. The Thrift Book by India Knight. I read it daily and have fallen in love with it...bit like when I found How Clean is Your House.. In truth I crave being good at the domestic bit but it not come that easy...am incapable of keeping house clean.. But thrift now there's an area that I am good at. Never pay full price for stuff. Grown own veg etc,make own cards, make cakes and cook from scratch and can make one chicken feed 200 people and have leftovers for soup. Am also avid e-bayer. Am firm believer in universe delivering and whilst I have been writing this blog page Shameless female 1 has paid visit for cup of tea and it has triggered memory of bonfire in old bin in their garden last year. They agreed to lend me burny bin...this solve eucalyptus problem. But might fall out with neighbours. phwar.
Bath calling me, Thing two has just confessed to snogging boy (at age 7!!!) thats ok, at least it not a girl.
Mint xx
ps Received text from Secret Lover last night telling me he hurt heel and could I send him picures of the puppies to cheer him up. This is second text I have had asking me same thing, ignored first text. He clearly seeing someone else. Was prepared to overlook it last time but think he should be more careful not to get his phone numbers mixed up. Who is this woman who has puppies? I intend to find out.

Moneymaker

2009-04-05T14:13:00.000-07:00

Tis the end of a pretty good weekend. I actually turned in at 8:30 this evening, mainly because I was totally exhausted and also due to over consumption of wine left over from Friday night which I had I decided to drink whilst cooking dinner, love that Sunday afternoon feeling when its warm outside, and after a glass of wine whilst peeling spuds and chopping carrots you get a slightly fuzzy hottish feeling. Prawn came for dinner having been sent home from work (as barmaid) because she got the shakes whilst pulling pint of Carlsberg and as I'm sure you can imagine getting the shakes whilst pulling pints is kind of disastrous and hard to miss. She was ok by the time she'd eaten my dinner and drank some wine. I had celebratory slice of chocolate cake this evening as my e-bay item sold for £21 and I was only expecting about a fiver. Cake was make by Thing one first thing this morning, she and her house guests (2 x 12 year olds who'd had sleepover here) made this rather yummy chocolate cake but couldn't get oven to work - what a bunch of pillocks! Oven works fine for me, however one half of handle came off rendering oven on brink of disaster, just hope that other half goes when I'm cooking oven chips and not free range chicken stuffed with parnips and apple, suspect that once handle gone, whatever food is cooking will be trapped forever. Putting food in it will be like playing Russian Roulette from now on.
Did Bootsale today, not especially profitable, but got to sit in sun all afternoon, sold TV with no remote, not even sure it'll work without it, but as I explained to customer that is why it only £3. Took 6 hand reared tomato plants (moneymakers) along with me as experiment and they sold straight away....more where they came from, I've got basil, bizzy lizzies, snap dragons and something else which escapes me right now. Also swapped hideous spongebob toy to woman on stall next door for pair of red pyjamas with stars on them. Told her they perfect for me as I only wear red in bed. They look new. Also bought Thing Two's brownie uniform on e-bay much to disgust of her father and my mother in law....to be quite frank I do not see any glory in lining the pockets of Top Form (overly priced uniform shop at end of road)and would rather save money to go towards preplacement car as my current car is knackered. Yes, I did say Brownies. We've been going for 2 whole weeks now and I have decided to offer my services whenever thing two is there...not worth driving home as brownies in rural villagy location full of posh people as was boot sale. Brownies are loud and crazy, as are their leaders, Brown Owl, Tawny owl, barn owl and snowy owl. Thing two has not only embraced Brownies but has built an alter in her bedroom encompassing two pink stools, a checked table cloth, bible and gold elephant with joss stick poking out of top which she sits and prays in front of. Only other news to report is that my POD although in present cicumstances she will by known as my mum has fallen down a man hole near the river and broken her hand, possibly nose and has hurt ribs. Have got chocs for her and am visiting tomorrow. Poooor mummy. Some passers by drove her all the way back to her house in Stortford. Good samaritans. Would like to thank them.
mint xx
Ps Thing two not allowed to light joss stick in her room, only to be lighted by me in front room - just thought I'd mention that in case any social workers read this.

Houses

2009-04-01T04:28:00.000-07:00

Good morning

And what a beautiful morning it is too. I am extremely excited because today I received a letter from a long lost cousin, she went to Canada when I was 15 and I haven't seen her since, anyway she has told me that my Aunt Beryl has passed away and that she has left me an island in the middle of a Lake!!! Imagine that. It's got a 6 bedroomed house, with a jetty that goes out over the lake, a private speedboat, hot tub and all mod cons. There is also some cash and I've just investigated and there is a book publishers in the nearest town along with an all girls school and other fabulous attractions. So, I'm off. Soon as possible. Can't wait to get there. I've booked my tickets and will be having a leaving party very soon. All to be invited.
Talking about enormous houses Thing Two got invited to a party on saturday, my ex husband took her and told me the size of it was ridiculous etc and he wasn't kidding either. When I arrived it took ages to get through the electric gates and then there was room for 20 cars in their own private car park, which is monitored by no less than 4 cctv cameras operated on giant screens from the kitchen. The mum invited me in and it was pretty chaotic so I went in search of thing two and actually got lost! I found myself in the Disney room, which was pretty amazing and that lead into the jukebox room which had old fashioned rocking horses, 2 Wurlizers and tons of other enormous memorobilia. I could also see that there was a room dedicated to CD's and DVD's and that was only a tiny part of the house. Wow. How the other half live. I then waited in the car park for 20 minutes to escape as so many other mums had all blocked me in. They really ought to get proper lines painted on their car park. When I move into my lake house I am so going to have lines in my car park.
minty xx

~Lucky Me

2009-03-31T10:23:00.001-07:00

I have not written for a while, I've been flipping between my e-mails, Facebook and e-bay recently and completely ignoring my blog. It being in its infancy I'm not happy with its beginnings, so I shall be taking unprecidented action and actually editing my last entry. Its a serious thing you know, this blogging, the thing about blogging is that everything I write is true and about real people and its all there to be read by people that I know...not that that bothers me. Of course - I might pick up an anonymous fan along the way as well...hopefully. I'm an extravert at heart and I'm happy letting people in. BUT I do have to remember that as its about me I really ought (and very often don't!) put myself in the best light, I always try and portray people in a positive way and avoid being nasty for the sake of it... so edit things I will. Aaaargh. Remove the trauma! When I'm having any kind of trauma I always heed some words of advise that someone gave my many years ago which are "Focus on what's important" so thats what I try and do. I reckon that in one way at least I am getting it right. Today was thing two's parent evening and I sat open mouthed while her teacher used words like "spectacular writing, superb reading, fantastic spelling, years ahead of herself in everything, flying, absolutly flying" WOW, can't take too much of the credit as its her that is the superstar, but I am sooo sooo proud of her. I have also lost 3 lb in weight..oh yes, oh yes. Replacing all pasta, rice, bread, pasty, cakes, biscuits,potatoes and anything else with ryvitas, houmous,yoghout and sweet potatoes is paying off.
It was my birthday last week and I am feeling very philosophical (another word for old). The day itself was pretty good, had friends for dinner and gave them my tagine..quite funny actually I had shameless in and 2 of her shameless offspring. She clearly didn't like my dinner and allowed Smallest Shameless to eat most of it..moaning all the while, "oh she always ends up eating my dinner". Right.
Yesterday I bumped into Grafitti and he's still alive, with a hangover, so no change there then.
I also had a special secret visitor..... we compared notes on how poisonous Malaria is ha ha.
Minty xx
Ps my 12 year old thinks wafers are pronounced worfers. Most heartening. Considering.

Wind Down Weekend

2009-03-21T07:24:00.001-07:00

I am currently lounging in a hotel room in the depths of Berkshire in a splendid spa hotel with Prawn. We've just had room service, eaten propped up on enormous white pillows in enormous beds, which are now covered in food debris. I had a side salad and she had an enormous sandwich. The reason for my meagre lunch is my 'Look 10 years younger in one month' diet. I've been on it for about 4 days now and have developed a major liking for ryvita and houmous. I've had no potatoes, no bread, no rice or pasta and no sugar whatsoever. Its weird but I seem to be breaking down the rules that I had about food and I feel fabulous. Got stacks of energy but I have been hungry quite a lot of the time. I'd rather like to loose a few pounds as well as a few years and have decided to treat myself to eyelash extensions if I can loose 5lb. This morning I swam half a mile and have spent a full 25 minutes in the gym doing various things. I've also been for a walk around the beautiful grounds here and have consumed about a zillions cups of tea which is on tap and is free.
I've managed to completely avoid Malaria even though our children go to the same school - no mean feat I can tell you. She's clearly been talking about me as one of her friends - the one that offered herself to me, details in previous blog, has deleted me. Who the hell wants to be friends with a fat swinger anyway. Not I. I should've known I was treading on dangerous ground when that all happened. Completely ignored every single thing that she sent, but have kept everything she has sent to me. She may not realise it but she's actually breached the Malcious communications Act and I can proove it. I told her that I think she's barking mad and a total drama queen. In response she has told me to Fuck myself...charming. Hope that this is now behind me. Think I shall snuggle down and watch Inspector Morse. Bliss.
xxx
Ps Mine, mine, mine, whats mine is mine. She'd do well to remember that no good ever came of intefering in someone elses relationship.

2009-03-16T13:33:00.000-07:00

Well, just as I was thinking all was lost some good stuff happened, so I'm deferring the story about how my friend, I mean ex-friend, Malaria tried to take my secret lover away and keep him for herself (Is nothing sacred!!!) and about how she bombarded us with texts and messages and how she threatened to tell secret lovers recently despatched to singledom girlfriend about, well actually I don't know what she was planning on telling her but it doesn't bear thinking about does it? You just don't do tht kinda stuff unless you are barking mad. However, Secret lover and I are very much still lovers, and celebrated out togetherness without Malaria the other day with just us and a pair of pierre cardin shoes.... I am very happy and consider that it is a lesson learnt and that the feedback is a stark reminder about who to invite into my life and to keep my big gob shut in future. So thats one bad thing gone good. The other good thing, entirely good is that I entered a competition at work on Red Nose day and created a hat made entirely out of recycled product (ties to be precise) and I won first prize, which was an iPod which I have even mastered and set up an itunes account.
The other thing, not good or bad just funny is that Sad Git from acoss the road was playing volleyball at work and got elbowed in the eye, I know of this cos I am In The Know, this is a small town and you can get info just about anyone if you put your mind to it...anyway, he is now sporting a pair of dark glasses (I keep bumping into him, because he can't see) due to having endured an operation to remove his retina and give him a plastic one...yuk yuk yuk. I've never know anyone have so many accidents - when I was with him he caught a chimney that was falling off someones roof and broke his ribs, also completedly wrecked his kneecap running plus other stuff. I did say it was funny, I guess it is not, just my ridiculous sense of humour.
Yesterday I spend the entire day cleaning, deep cleaning and something most odd occurred. When Grafitti was here a knife went missing from the kitchen, anyhow it turned up yesterday down the side of the bed that he occupied...most weird, I thought it rather sinister at first but after chatting to my POD (who works for Victim Support) we concluded that it was probably there for self defence due to the fact that he got stabbed six times in the back several years ago and has a back full of the proof. Poor Sod, I'd forgotten all about that.
I was rather hoping for a better start to the week than last monday, but actually began my day at 12:30 this morning clearing up the still hot contents of Thing one's stomach from Thing Two's bedroom floor, I am lucky in that Thing two has a rubberised floor, its white with little raised white round patches on it,but I did stand over the stomach contents for a few minutes staring at it wondering exactly how I was meant to clean it, some things don't come naturally and I really had to rack my brains. In the end I decided to get the worse up with my least favourite tea towel which is now in the bin and then halfway through cleaning the rest with Dettol I started being sick myself soooooo not a good start. Maybe thats just how mondays are meant to be. Oh, and there's more good stuff...I have made the most wonderful friends and they invited me to one of their houses on Saturday for a curry, they are fabulous.
Minty xxx
Ps Thought I'd chuck some photos on of thing two making cakes, my latest flower arrangement and my spring tubs recently put together by myself and thing two outside front door.

2009-03-13T05:44:00.000-07:00

Helloo
I’ve been waiting all week to write something in my lovely new blog, I was hoping to report some nice events and inform you that I’d a) won the lottery, b) met the man of my dreams, c) saved the world. But sadly that hasn’t happened so I’ll just have to stick with real life and what a week it has been. Borderline dreadful to be honest. But what if this is as good as it gets and there's no more good news so I might as well get typing. They do say there is no such thing as failure, only feedback, so I am wondering why my mobile inbox is full of bitter texts from ex-boyfriend, crazed and manic texts full of hatred from Malaria who was my friend but is no longer along with a text from a man that I met in a pub complaining at me as to why I failed to text back and bad timing text from HRM. Oh and a text from the school warning me that there’s a paedophile on the loose and hovering outside Thing one’s school…Jesus. Yes, so this is my feedback..

I’ll go through them one by one I think, apart from the obvious ones, but first I’ll tell you about my Monday morning, I got up (as one does) very happy and as I pulled the milk from the fridge I accidently pulled a jug of fresh orange juice with it which coated entire fridge, floor and clothing, which I duly cleared up, apart from the fridge as I figured no one would see that so it could wait. I then delved into my handbag for my purse which unfortunately wasn’t done up and half a hundred weight of coins spilled into the bottom of the filth tardis. My porridge then exploded in the microwave and ended up resembling some sort of strange artex. Enough to wipe the smile off my face. It was at the tail end of this bad day that the first text arrived. Some history: Last week my friend Fizzy found a man for me…not that I require any help…and he came Highly Recommended hence his name which from now on will be HRM. Anyway she gave me his number and said he was awaiting me to contact, which I did. We had a few texts back and forth over the weekend and then he announces that Sorry, he met someone on Saturday and had some sort of encounter and that she was now coming round. Great! So that died a death before it even got started.
The bitter texts from Graffiti actually arrived the week before but they are still there and they are the reason for my closing down the old blog and starting this one, they tell me that he is entitled to read my blog seeing as he has a starring role. HELLLOOO. I don’t think so, this is my blog and the only star around here is ME ME ME… I am my leading lady thank you very much. There’s other stuff too but its just pure crap…hardly worth noting.
I then had my kitchen done, but I’d bought the wrong type of sink and seeing as I was only having the kitchen done so that I could have a new sink the whole thing is a complete waste of time and money….grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr On the bright side, a least I’m doing my bit for the sales at B & Q.
Now for the real trauma and gut churning trauma it is too…So bad that in fact I spend yesterday, (Thursday) feeling like my stomach was in my mouth and my arms felt like cotton wool… this is all to do with my Secret Lover and Malaria. It’s a bit tawdry so if you’re easily shocked look away now…
To be continued...../

First Entry

2009-03-06T13:56:00.000-08:00

Wooo hooo
A fresh baby blog, I have before me sooo many blank and virgin blog pages to fill. No doubt I can fill it with tales of my needlepoint and window cleaning and other such perfect female pursuits...ha ha not likely. Though it has to be said that 2 of my favorie homiepaths, Martha Stewart and Anthea Turner sure have some tales to tell and could probably give me a run for my money on the blogging front. Nah, I've started this new blog because my ex-boyfriend has access to the old one and I want to be able to be open and honest and tell my tale however it may turn out. He's gone now and can add to his attributes the word VAGRANT as he is now living in a tent somewhere in the woods. Tempting as it maybe to rant and rave about that relationship I'm thinking that entry number one is not the place, no I need to tell you a little more about what to expect. First, I have some characters to introduce you to, we have;
Prawn, she's my best friend
POD - my mother aka prophet of doom
Uncle Sic - my mothers partner
Fizzy, another close friend, she's rather effervescent to say the least
The Shameless Family - they live a few doors away
The Things - my children - and I call them things not in any derogatory way but because they remind me of the little people from the cat in the hat by Dr Seuss.
Secret Lover - I think this speaks for itself
HER the woman he has children with, they're not together though
WC's - my work colleagues
The Brain - one of my work colleagues
Sad Git - probably wont get mentioned but just in case - he 's an ex-boyfriend and lives opposite me. We don't ever ever speak.
The EH - Ex husband
Skinny Minnie - friend from across the road.
Graffiti - the last boyfriend to grace my threshhold if you know what I mean.
Michelle - friend from Stevenage
Thats the main cast - will no doubt elaborate further as time goes by. I've changed all the names (you could tell couldn't you? thats just to respect privacy no offence intended to any of you guys, apart from Sad Git and Grafitti...hope I offend you plenty. ha ha.
Here's to tomorrow and lots of positive entries. If you were a reader of volume one, you'll know that the first few months of this year have been fraught with complications and all manner of disaster, but that's history, just as this new page will be tomorrow as well. New blog, new chance, new opportunities...I see my life in front of me to be filled just like these pages.

Minty xx