all manner of things.

Hello
It's been a while since I wrote on here. How neglectful of me. tut tut. Since I last wrote I have sold stacks of stuff on e-bay. Made up with Secret Lover, got dumped by Secret Lover 3 days later and we are now back on again. Last time I saw him was about one hour ago and it was definitely on. Talk about yo yo situation. I have no idea if we are going to Moscow or not but he promised to make me a blackberry cheesecake, so he's obviously planning on continuing as Blackberries aren't in season till end Aug and its only end of June. (Although he might not know this - he might think they're in season next week or something - so who knows!) Also, been attacked by raging rabbit, rabbit in deep shit. Got soaked by loads of Brownies whilst playing water games with them, but my team won so thats good. Made loads of raspberry jam with fruit from my garden. Made bunting for my garden as well. But garden still horrible mess, it's covered inrabbit poo and pot holes where rabbit keeps trying to escape. Had 2 dates with 2 different men. Have failed miserably to get a date for 4th of July so I'm going with my all time fave, gawjus and reliable person. It's me, myself and I. Have bought myself Ted Baker dress to wear. Just need shoes. I've had several crap friday nights,mainly down to the Prawn. The first one was when she dragged me to the pub, drank too much, picked up my drink and walk out with it informing me that we were going home. She then went upstairs and passed out. All by 8:30 on a friday night,leaving me on my own in her front room to amuse myself with her TV. Not impressed. The following week she said she'd comeout with me but then blew me out so I ended up in on my own. Then last friday she came round, ate fish pie a la Murph with me and we watched "Walk The Line" I suppose that passes for an ok friday evening. Both my dates with Jon and with Michael were ok, everything is just OK. I want a whole lot more than OK. Not sure what I want..maybe thats why I havent got it. Or have I, maybe I just want brief fundez vous with Secret Lover. Would like to get some sort of commitment from Secret Lover to supply me with weekly encounter, lots of kisses, occasional friday night together and sunday lunches cooked by either party. That would suit me fine. Oh and Moscow to be back on. Thats the thing though...casual commitment. Is that possible? Does that not defeat the object? Confused.
x
PS thing one is now eating breakfast again
PPS Michael Jackson has died, though I'm pretty sure everyone knows that.
PPPs My pod is getting married and every conversation we have is about weddings.
PPPPPs One of my recent dates has a piecing on his manhood. But I'm not saying which date. OMG. Am thinking that sex with him would be nerve racking. Would be worried his piercing would get entangled with my coil. So I doubt I'll be seeing him again.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

And it gets worse. I am wondering if its just me or is everyone’s life filled with moments of fraughtness and conflict. I have to believe it’s the same for everyone.
Didn’t mention Secret Lover in my last post as this deserves a posting all of it’s own. On the Friday of my return I received a visit from SL, gave him his holiday present. Presented with the words “his and hers shells from the bottom of the ocean”. He chose the one he wanted and told me he’d been waiting for me to come back. We then snuggled up under my duvet and we made plans for a holiday in Moscow in the autumn. He also told me how his sex drive seemed to be dwaning (is that a real word or did I just make it up..oh whatever). He said that the previous week a girl had virtually chucked herself at him and he had felt no desire to go back to her house as she was requesting. So I said that’s good cos I want you all to myself. To that he gave me a kiss. Anyway…I then got sick during the week and was just about recovering on Wednesday evening and decided to text the following:
“If you free Friday night do you fancy doing something?”
This is what I got back!!! “Sorry babe, I’m staying round my girlfriends”. What fxxxing girlfriend...he might have had the integrity to mention it before. But thats him all over.
I felt the blood drain out of me and I honestly thought for a moment that I was going to die. But I didn’t. I’m still here. Although a wee bit of me did actually die. But then another bit grew, bigger, stronger and with more resolve. Instead of texting back I phoned the Prawn. Cried profusely down the phone. Then pulled myself together. He got no response from me whatsoever, but he did text back the following day “Sorry if I upset you”. Not very comforting is it? Not very informative either. Sooo what to do.... Am I bothered? Of course I am. So I phoned him and told him I am so not sharing. Also told I not want to be his girlfriend anyway even if he wanted me to be as I not trust him as far as I can throw him. I said that only way I would be with him is if we were married. All starting to sound like proposal of marriage instead of big dumping session so I then announced I no see him again. He's probably totally confused. Not confused enough to go and play tennis though. Thats what it said on his facebook this morning. So she can play tennis too.. Suspect she thinner than me. Odd isn't it. That the thought of him playing tennis with someone else is worse than thought of them in bed together. Thats because I can't even hit the bloody ball! When the ball comes towards me I duck or move out of its way. Think new floozy should bog off back to south africa, whence where I believe she comes from. She has washboard stomach. I hate her with vengeance. I have deducted all this from facebook.
I have not sat on my laurels though. No way sirree. I have a plan. I am in dire need of a date for 4th July, which is not that far off. I am going to posh event run by posh friends in the Village - that would be dream village where I am trying to ensconse myself. I have 4 candidates lined up. Would be escorts are: Jon from Stortford who is gas central heating engineer, 5'7, kids but not live with him. Sounds nice. Michael, who is tall and attractive but comes with 6 children, can only hazard a guess at what his hobbies are, he is local and has suggested I meet him friday with my mates and he will buy us all a drink. Could take this 2 ways. He's very generous or, he's crap with money. Then there is Scott. Chose Scott on a whim, he dressed up like a goblin in his photo. Figured no one else would look at him...he's very funny. I like. But think he may be a bit too old for me. Then there is spare guys. Apparently, he took another single lady to the 'posh function' last year and they had good time...need to find out if he still available.
Yours, from she who has so far escaped with dignity intact ie managed not to cry down phone or beg him to dump her for me.
Minty xx

Reality

Oh the joy of coming back to reality.

Came back home from paradise a week ago. The night before we came home, which would be the evening that we went snorkelling with the turtles POD experienced a panic attack at 4am, ended up trying to find some sodium bicarb from the security guards whilst she being sick in the loo, due to acid reflux, due to panic, due to too many puffs on her inhaler. Couldn’t get sodium bicarb so opted to talk about all manner of things in vain hope that I’d take her mind off it and hey presto it worked. Then took her for walk round the hotel grounds dressed in pyjamas…I was hoping for a glimpse of the monkeys but they did not materialise. Very sad to leave Barbados behind. And come back to THIS!!!

On the Saturday I went to Aunt Vivian’s 70th birthday party, taking Prawn with me as it said to bring ‘partner’. Got very confused by fact that ex-husbands entire family also going yet their invitations were for 2 hours before mine. What?? So turned up when I felt like it to find myself in the midst of a family wedding that I clearly wasn’t meant to attend…along with my pal. I had only gone and worn White… aaaaargh. Ex-husband’s cousin Catherine had got married to Gary in secret and decided to combine it with Vivian’s party. Place full of South Africans. Decided to get pissed and leave car there in church hall car park, much to the Thing one’s disgust. So chatted to several guests and secured lifts home for me, prawn and both things. Noticed at this point that ex husband had look of disapproval as he was witnessing this. I then noticed that lots of people had picnic blankets to eat their hog roast on so I got my sleeping bag out of the car…. Noticed that ex-husband expression starting to look like contempt. I then had major argument with thing one as she announced she wanted to go home early. Thing two got ex-husband involved…By this time I’d had 3 glasses of wine and was sprawled across sleeping bag. Now what did he say. Oh yes I remember.
He said “Why can’t you do as they want?”
Me “because I’m in charge, not them and I’ve decided that I’d like to stay and have a drink. You are supposed to back me up”
Him “well if you stop now, you could still drive home”
Me “I’ve had 3 glasses of wine”
Him “Yes, but you’d be ok”
Me “Are you suggesting I drink and drive with out daughters in the car?”
Him “This is not the place for you to be arguing with Thing one”
Me “I’m going to get some more wine”
Him (with look of total hatred) “What you going to do with this thing”(referring to sleeping bag)
Me “I’m going to come back and sit on it”
With that he took Thing one inside and left me to enjoy myself. Hooray. Now I remember why he’s my ex-husband. Embarrassed by a sleeping bag!! Hoot hoot.
Rest of party went with a swing. Thing one did not get her way. Ex-husband had to live with blue sleeping bag. I no longer accountable to him.
Mint xx