~Lucky Me

I have not written for a while, I've been flipping between my e-mails, Facebook and e-bay recently and completely ignoring my blog. It being in its infancy I'm not happy with its beginnings, so I shall be taking unprecidented action and actually editing my last entry. Its a serious thing you know, this blogging, the thing about blogging is that everything I write is true and about real people and its all there to be read by people that I know...not that that bothers me. Of course - I might pick up an anonymous fan along the way as well...hopefully. I'm an extravert at heart and I'm happy letting people in. BUT I do have to remember that as its about me I really ought (and very often don't!) put myself in the best light, I always try and portray people in a positive way and avoid being nasty for the sake of it... so edit things I will. Aaaargh. Remove the trauma! When I'm having any kind of trauma I always heed some words of advise that someone gave my many years ago which are "Focus on what's important" so thats what I try and do. I reckon that in one way at least I am getting it right. Today was thing two's parent evening and I sat open mouthed while her teacher used words like "spectacular writing, superb reading, fantastic spelling, years ahead of herself in everything, flying, absolutly flying" WOW, can't take too much of the credit as its her that is the superstar, but I am sooo sooo proud of her. I have also lost 3 lb in weight..oh yes, oh yes. Replacing all pasta, rice, bread, pasty, cakes, biscuits,potatoes and anything else with ryvitas, houmous,yoghout and sweet potatoes is paying off.
It was my birthday last week and I am feeling very philosophical (another word for old). The day itself was pretty good, had friends for dinner and gave them my tagine..quite funny actually I had shameless in and 2 of her shameless offspring. She clearly didn't like my dinner and allowed Smallest Shameless to eat most of it..moaning all the while, "oh she always ends up eating my dinner". Right.
Yesterday I bumped into Grafitti and he's still alive, with a hangover, so no change there then.
I also had a special secret visitor..... we compared notes on how poisonous Malaria is ha ha.
Minty xx
Ps my 12 year old thinks wafers are pronounced worfers. Most heartening. Considering.

Wind Down Weekend

I am currently lounging in a hotel room in the depths of Berkshire in a splendid spa hotel with Prawn. We've just had room service, eaten propped up on enormous white pillows in enormous beds, which are now covered in food debris. I had a side salad and she had an enormous sandwich. The reason for my meagre lunch is my 'Look 10 years younger in one month' diet. I've been on it for about 4 days now and have developed a major liking for ryvita and houmous. I've had no potatoes, no bread, no rice or pasta and no sugar whatsoever. Its weird but I seem to be breaking down the rules that I had about food and I feel fabulous. Got stacks of energy but I have been hungry quite a lot of the time. I'd rather like to loose a few pounds as well as a few years and have decided to treat myself to eyelash extensions if I can loose 5lb. This morning I swam half a mile and have spent a full 25 minutes in the gym doing various things. I've also been for a walk around the beautiful grounds here and have consumed about a zillions cups of tea which is on tap and is free.
I've managed to completely avoid Malaria even though our children go to the same school - no mean feat I can tell you. She's clearly been talking about me as one of her friends - the one that offered herself to me, details in previous blog, has deleted me. Who the hell wants to be friends with a fat swinger anyway. Not I. I should've known I was treading on dangerous ground when that all happened. Completely ignored every single thing that she sent, but have kept everything she has sent to me. She may not realise it but she's actually breached the Malcious communications Act and I can proove it. I told her that I think she's barking mad and a total drama queen. In response she has told me to Fuck myself...charming. Hope that this is now behind me. Think I shall snuggle down and watch Inspector Morse. Bliss.
xxx
Ps Mine, mine, mine, whats mine is mine. She'd do well to remember that no good ever came of intefering in someone elses relationship.

Well, just as I was thinking all was lost some good stuff happened, so I'm deferring the story about how my friend, I mean ex-friend, Malaria tried to take my secret lover away and keep him for herself (Is nothing sacred!!!) and about how she bombarded us with texts and messages and how she threatened to tell secret lovers recently despatched to singledom girlfriend about, well actually I don't know what she was planning on telling her but it doesn't bear thinking about does it? You just don't do tht kinda stuff unless you are barking mad. However, Secret lover and I are very much still lovers, and celebrated out togetherness without Malaria the other day with just us and a pair of pierre cardin shoes.... I am very happy and consider that it is a lesson learnt and that the feedback is a stark reminder about who to invite into my life and to keep my big gob shut in future. So thats one bad thing gone good. The other good thing, entirely good is that I entered a competition at work on Red Nose day and created a hat made entirely out of recycled product (ties to be precise) and I won first prize, which was an iPod which I have even mastered and set up an itunes account.
The other thing, not good or bad just funny is that Sad Git from acoss the road was playing volleyball at work and got elbowed in the eye, I know of this cos I am In The Know, this is a small town and you can get info just about anyone if you put your mind to it...anyway, he is now sporting a pair of dark glasses (I keep bumping into him, because he can't see) due to having endured an operation to remove his retina and give him a plastic one...yuk yuk yuk. I've never know anyone have so many accidents - when I was with him he caught a chimney that was falling off someones roof and broke his ribs, also completedly wrecked his kneecap running plus other stuff. I did say it was funny, I guess it is not, just my ridiculous sense of humour.
Yesterday I spend the entire day cleaning, deep cleaning and something most odd occurred. When Grafitti was here a knife went missing from the kitchen, anyhow it turned up yesterday down the side of the bed that he occupied...most weird, I thought it rather sinister at first but after chatting to my POD (who works for Victim Support) we concluded that it was probably there for self defence due to the fact that he got stabbed six times in the back several years ago and has a back full of the proof. Poor Sod, I'd forgotten all about that.
I was rather hoping for a better start to the week than last monday, but actually began my day at 12:30 this morning clearing up the still hot contents of Thing one's stomach from Thing Two's bedroom floor, I am lucky in that Thing two has a rubberised floor, its white with little raised white round patches on it,but I did stand over the stomach contents for a few minutes staring at it wondering exactly how I was meant to clean it, some things don't come naturally and I really had to rack my brains. In the end I decided to get the worse up with my least favourite tea towel which is now in the bin and then halfway through cleaning the rest with Dettol I started being sick myself soooooo not a good start. Maybe thats just how mondays are meant to be. Oh, and there's more good stuff...I have made the most wonderful friends and they invited me to one of their houses on Saturday for a curry, they are fabulous.
Minty xxx
Ps Thought I'd chuck some photos on of thing two making cakes, my latest flower arrangement and my spring tubs recently put together by myself and thing two outside front door.

Helloo
I’ve been waiting all week to write something in my lovely new blog, I was hoping to report some nice events and inform you that I’d a) won the lottery, b) met the man of my dreams, c) saved the world. But sadly that hasn’t happened so I’ll just have to stick with real life and what a week it has been. Borderline dreadful to be honest. But what if this is as good as it gets and there's no more good news so I might as well get typing. They do say there is no such thing as failure, only feedback, so I am wondering why my mobile inbox is full of bitter texts from ex-boyfriend, crazed and manic texts full of hatred from Malaria who was my friend but is no longer along with a text from a man that I met in a pub complaining at me as to why I failed to text back and bad timing text from HRM. Oh and a text from the school warning me that there’s a paedophile on the loose and hovering outside Thing one’s school…Jesus. Yes, so this is my feedback..

I’ll go through them one by one I think, apart from the obvious ones, but first I’ll tell you about my Monday morning, I got up (as one does) very happy and as I pulled the milk from the fridge I accidently pulled a jug of fresh orange juice with it which coated entire fridge, floor and clothing, which I duly cleared up, apart from the fridge as I figured no one would see that so it could wait. I then delved into my handbag for my purse which unfortunately wasn’t done up and half a hundred weight of coins spilled into the bottom of the filth tardis. My porridge then exploded in the microwave and ended up resembling some sort of strange artex. Enough to wipe the smile off my face. It was at the tail end of this bad day that the first text arrived. Some history: Last week my friend Fizzy found a man for me…not that I require any help…and he came Highly Recommended hence his name which from now on will be HRM. Anyway she gave me his number and said he was awaiting me to contact, which I did. We had a few texts back and forth over the weekend and then he announces that Sorry, he met someone on Saturday and had some sort of encounter and that she was now coming round. Great! So that died a death before it even got started.
The bitter texts from Graffiti actually arrived the week before but they are still there and they are the reason for my closing down the old blog and starting this one, they tell me that he is entitled to read my blog seeing as he has a starring role. HELLLOOO. I don’t think so, this is my blog and the only star around here is ME ME ME… I am my leading lady thank you very much. There’s other stuff too but its just pure crap…hardly worth noting.
I then had my kitchen done, but I’d bought the wrong type of sink and seeing as I was only having the kitchen done so that I could have a new sink the whole thing is a complete waste of time and money….grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr On the bright side, a least I’m doing my bit for the sales at B & Q.
Now for the real trauma and gut churning trauma it is too…So bad that in fact I spend yesterday, (Thursday) feeling like my stomach was in my mouth and my arms felt like cotton wool… this is all to do with my Secret Lover and Malaria. It’s a bit tawdry so if you’re easily shocked look away now…
To be continued...../

First Entry

Wooo hooo
A fresh baby blog, I have before me sooo many blank and virgin blog pages to fill. No doubt I can fill it with tales of my needlepoint and window cleaning and other such perfect female pursuits...ha ha not likely. Though it has to be said that 2 of my favorie homiepaths, Martha Stewart and Anthea Turner sure have some tales to tell and could probably give me a run for my money on the blogging front. Nah, I've started this new blog because my ex-boyfriend has access to the old one and I want to be able to be open and honest and tell my tale however it may turn out. He's gone now and can add to his attributes the word VAGRANT as he is now living in a tent somewhere in the woods. Tempting as it maybe to rant and rave about that relationship I'm thinking that entry number one is not the place, no I need to tell you a little more about what to expect. First, I have some characters to introduce you to, we have;
Prawn, she's my best friend
POD - my mother aka prophet of doom
Uncle Sic - my mothers partner
Fizzy, another close friend, she's rather effervescent to say the least
The Shameless Family - they live a few doors away
The Things - my children - and I call them things not in any derogatory way but because they remind me of the little people from the cat in the hat by Dr Seuss.
Secret Lover - I think this speaks for itself
HER the woman he has children with, they're not together though
WC's - my work colleagues
The Brain - one of my work colleagues
Sad Git - probably wont get mentioned but just in case - he 's an ex-boyfriend and lives opposite me. We don't ever ever speak.
The EH - Ex husband
Skinny Minnie - friend from across the road.
Graffiti - the last boyfriend to grace my threshhold if you know what I mean.
Michelle - friend from Stevenage
Thats the main cast - will no doubt elaborate further as time goes by. I've changed all the names (you could tell couldn't you? thats just to respect privacy no offence intended to any of you guys, apart from Sad Git and Grafitti...hope I offend you plenty. ha ha.
Here's to tomorrow and lots of positive entries. If you were a reader of volume one, you'll know that the first few months of this year have been fraught with complications and all manner of disaster, but that's history, just as this new page will be tomorrow as well. New blog, new chance, new opportunities...I see my life in front of me to be filled just like these pages.

Minty xx