Denmark - Lalandia Resort Holiday

Finally I update the blog...its only a month late and as they say better late than never.  Selecting the photo's has been difficult as I took lots.  Also decided that rat her than write an entire blog entry I'd simply insert the review that I wrote for Trip Advisor as its pretty much sums up our time spent.  But I will say one thing.  I really had a very relaxing time and the girls were lovely, good fun, helpful and pleasant. Yes I am talking about my offspring.  That is what made it so nice...they were GOOD.  Forgot to mention the nudity!  the Danes have no inhibitions.  They love saunas and the place had the most amazing spa. There was also the most horrendous/amazing slide ride that I've ever been on.  It was like being flushed down the loo! This is what I wrote.

We've just returned from a trip from Lalandia and there are many good things I can say please read this so that you can get the best from your trip....my advise would be:
1) Do not book online - phone them up and insist that you are close to the main building if you don't have a car. Me and my daughters flew in and as a result of booking online our house was a good 20 minutes by foot from the main building where the restaurants and aquadome is. 20 minutes may not sound too long but if you run out of milk etc you're looking at a 40 minute round trip. There is a fun train but it doesn't run all day during the week. The staff at Lalandia refer to it as an additional fun attraction but they're kidding themselves...pretty sure their guests rely on this train as a means of transport. I asked if we could be moved as the weather was awful and we just kept getting drenched but the houses are all privately owned and it would have meant starting an entire new lease...again not something you're made aware of when you book.
2) when you do arrive and are given your house number ask them to write down the main reception number...I say this so that you can avoid walking 20 minutes in the rain with your kids and your suitcases only to find you can't get in as they didn't explain the mechanism of the door. (you type in a code and then you have to wait for this knob behind the door to turn itself round) so there we are at the door, in the dark, in the pouring rain and had to walk all the way back leaving our cases outside to get some help to open the door. We were given a new code but still they didn't explain about door mechanism.
3) Get to the restaurants nice and early - not like us...after our door fiasco we turned up to eat just as everything closed...luckily a waitress took pity and found us some cold leftover lasagne from the buffet.
4) about the door again...we got locked in the following morning as we still didn't know about the door mechanism. A maintenance man finally showed us how the door worked.
5) You can't store your swimming items in the lockers in the Aquadome but you can leave them in the service centre...no one will tell you this but its worth doing if you want to pop into town without carting heavy swimming bags.
6) Take as much food and provisions as possible. Its not cheap in the shop. Take loo rolls, washing up liquid, oil, tea bags etc. oh and crisps.. I paid £2.50 for a large bag.
7) Internet. There is wi fi but not laptops to go on..for that you need to walk to Billund, about a 20 mintues walk. Internet usage is free in the library.
8) The town of Billund will almost definately be a huge disappointment. It reminded me of a cross between the Barbican and Harlow New Town in the 70's. Nothing there but sport shops. But we did love that library
9) Clothing - forget sarongs...Peter Storm and Helly Hensen are en vogue at Lalandia but if you dont pack your rain mack like I didn't you can always buy a plastic poncho and walk round looking like a plastic bag for the duration of your trip.
10) If you have a birch silver/birch allergy like I do make sure you take plenty of anti-histamines. There are hundreds of these tress.
On the upside. The aquadome...It's fantastic!! The Danes aren't uptight about things...there's no silly rules like we have at home. If you forget your socks in the ball pit - its no problem. The place works well and is generally well organised but I think there should probably be more supervision at the top of the bigger rides. The houses are really really nice. The main building is pretty ugly. Enjoy your trip! We did come back feeling better than we left and are laughing about our door issues and cold lasagne now we're home..

Just So Festival and total disaster

Now where was I, ah yes, about to head off on a double barrelled holiday.  Beginning with the Just So Festival which I found in The Bookseller.  Literary and Inspirational Festival aimed directly at children.  Set off with just myself and Thing Two, Thing One opted not to come as it really not her thing.  Journey was good, only 3 things went wrong, went the wrong way up the A515 almost ended up in Birmingham, added additional 40 minutes onto journey time, popped into some service station toilets and accidentally trailed bottom of trouser leg in something that I thought was water - it was not - it was urine.  Went into loo smelling of Marc Jacobs Daisy and came out stinking like I'd been wee'd on by 60 dogs.  Attempted to dry leg under dryer and attracted lots of strange looks. Think they thought I was doing the Can Can.  Got stuck on M11at beginning of journey but it all turned out ok - the accident was going the other way.  Arrived in remote farm near Leek, supposed to be 6 other families there camping in Farmers Field as festival field fully booked unfortunately none of the other families turned up so it was just us, the two of us, all on our own in the rain surrounded by cows.  Farmers granddaughter came and made friends with Thing Two, they got on really well, sent Thing Two up to farm with tin of curry to open as I'd forgotten my tin opener and she returned saying we were to go to the Farm for drinks and pudding..Hooray!  Ended up in farmers kitchen with dozens of family members being plied with wine (I'd already drunk 2 glasses before I got there) and eating home made blackberry and apple crumble.  So friendly.  Got up bright and early and went to festival.  Festival was completely awesome.  We joined in with a special production of the Pied Piper opera.  I was a citizen and thing two was a rat.  We had to learn operatic songs and perform to an audience.  We did a fairy trail and got to meet the fairy queen, made sandcastles, met The Gardeners (specially dressed ladies giving away seeds), made badges with the RSPB, did an outdoor activity circuit, made a lantern in preparation for the lantern parade, watched a black and white silent movie in a makeshift cinema fully decked out with plush red seats and much much more.  Then disaster struck.  It was whilst we were having a story read to us in the story tent by a prolific children's author that I got the call.  Thing One phoned to say that my 5 foot wide very very expensive round glass table had smashed.  She offered a crap explanation and I pretty much exploded.  Had to leave the festival to go in search of cigarettes to calm myself down.  Very nearly drove all the way home there and then but decided to return to festival as it not fair on thing two.  Managed to get back into the swing of it...just.  Ate a big pile of noodles and found the lantern parade to be a total tonic.  Pretty aggravated by mother in law suggested I should not be uptight over table.  Ignored this.  Not uptight.  Positively murderous.  Drove home at 100mph following day - did accidental detour of Stoke on Trent followed by purposeful detor of thing ones friends parents house to get full story before murdering thing one.  Turned out she'd had a party.  Thing one's friends mother went bonkers - her reaction could be heard in New Zealand.  They had both lied about staying at each others houses and had snuck into house. Friends turned up stoned (they get their weed from older siblings...how utterly disgusting) and with vodka and big bottle of Bulmers, she not able to control them.  Someone jumped on table, cracked it and of course when her friend tried to move it the following morning it disintegrated. Anyway, went potty, passed sentence on thing one, she not allowed friends in house for one full year and not allowed to go to anyone else's sleepover either.  She is also paying the excess on the table insurance. This money is coming directly from her savings. Found loads of things broken.  Felt violated, sad and sickened by whole experience.  BUT as we heading off to Denmark the following day I decided to let it go and make the most of our holiday.  Denmark details to follow...and it was a lovely holiday.  Thing one totally repentant and very much changed for our time away. 

Summer Fruits

My summer holidays may be a rollercoaster ride but I know that sooner or later I'll even out onto a less dramatic level...well I hope so anyway!  I've joined a gym and have been swimming 4 times in the last week, have taken both things, each with a friend and I've spent time in the gym, mainly sprawled across powerplates being vibrated to an inch of my life and I've bought a new dress...Guess What!!! It's a size 10.  Yee haa.  Today has been so lovely I just had to record it here.  We have one of thing two's school friends for the day and night, we've been to The Lakes and to The Ada Cole Horse Rescue Centre. We've picked blackberries and baked a very very berry and apple sponge.nbsp;&

Summer hols

I absolutely cannot fathom where all the time has gone!  It's August 1st already and we're a week into the summer holidays.  Summer holidays had a truly horrendous start, on the final day of term I decided to check with the last few mums who hadn't replied to Thing Two's birthday invitation.  I've been getting a very bad vibe off some of these women of late. So it came as no surprse to get a few declines, but to have one of them point blank refuse to discuss invitation with me was rather a shock...she looked shocked that I would even dare speak to her and referred me to the head...
Her "I can't discuss with you, you need to speak to head teacher"
Me "sorry, what you talking about?"  I was in state of total confusion having simply asked if snot face coming to party.
Her "You know, you discussed with Mrs West"
Me "What did I discuss with Mrs West?"
Her " About Thing two hurting snot face"
Me WTF.  Brain went into over drive as I recall several months previous having gone to discuss thing two being bullied by girls in classroom and instead of thing two's issues being addressed I was told that Thing two had given snot face a chinese burn.  I'd pulled appropriately appalled face and gone home where thing two had told me her and snot face had had a tiff in the line to the teacher, snot face had grabbed thing two's arm, so thing two had grabbed snot face's arm,  snot face started crying so teacher told Thing Two to say sorry.  End of story...or so you'd think.  Nope, school still investigating alleged assault.  Snot face mother convinced thing two some kind of deviant monster - also convinced I also some kind of evil wrong doing parent.  I disgusted and flew sobbing wildly to head teachers office where head teacher secretive, facetious and unsupportive.  I complain to school governors about lack of communication (no one told me we were under investigation 3 months down the line, failure to inform me how seriously snot face mother taken this, failure to ask thing two for her side of story, epic failure).  No one is going to vilify my child and not have me to answer to!!! I no accept this. I still deeply offended.  I mean how long does it take to deal with a tiff in a line of 8 yr olds. What planet does snot face mother live on!! She lives Cotton Wool Avenue, Planet Perfect. I phone Parent Line, they nice people. I so much stress I seek counselling.
But that was but day one and since then have taken Thing two and friend, HH camping.  See photo's.  HH more energy than thing two or I put together, lost 2 Lb on weekend playing badminton, cricket and spending whole hour on beach searching for lost car keys...(could only happen to me) they were going to get metal detector at one point but turned out I left keys in car and they laying on desk in campsite office.  Pheeew.  See photo's.
One other thing.  My mother went to Bolivia where she was robbed of camer and glasses.  Am sort of glad she back except that everytime we speak she has mental list of my own list of things to do list and runs through it all wanting to know when I am going to do stuff.  I've told her to stop doing this as it giving me additional unwanted pressure.  Whilst mother in South America running up mountains and looking at historical artefacts it was Fathers Day for some reason I googled bioligical father and found his death notice in his local paper in Taunton, he died 22nd March 2009.  No one told me.  Informed my mother last night on phone and she say "Ooh fancy that".  That was all she had to say. The girls great grandmother also passed away and girls got to go to their first funeral.
I'm putting some photo's on of the good times as its important to focus on them  - Happy days. Camping trip was to Hemsby and Norfolk Broads.  Highlight of weekend was swimming in the sea and having a seal swim past us about 10 foot away.  Awesome.  xx PS I know I should not refer to snot face as snot face but she really is rather snotty.

Jamaica

Holiday
On May 31st Thing one and I set off on a little Caribbean adventure.  Much as I'd like to say it was Reggae, Rum and fun that would be a little far from the truth, there was Reggae, there was copious amounts of Rum and yes some fun was involved but ha ha there is a catch.  I had a teenager with me. One who wouldn't shift out of first gear on the morning of our flight.  Consequently I had to tear round the M25 with my foot flat to the floor cursing at her to speak louder when giving me the instructions on how to get there (she was either whispering or my ears have gone as well as my eyesight).  With my heart pounding and having kittens we finally pulled into the carpark at Gatwick Airport, I still wasn't even sure we were at the right carpark but it was a park with cars in and that was good enough.  We were in the right place. Then there was a bus to take us to the terminal, kittens still emerging we finally got into a queue the length of John O'Groats to Lands End, oddly enough we were the last of the 275 passengers bound for Montego Bay to check in and with no seats left together and thing one still glued to her blackberry I finally lost it and shrieked at her did she understand what that meant.  "What?" said the gormless thing stood next to me .  "We can't sit together" I said a little bit too happily. "I'm not sitting anywhere but with you" she whispers but just loud enough for poor lady on desk who's already told me she was busting for a pee and had been for the last hour. "She's 13" I announced by way of explanation. She promptly stuck us in First Class.  Anything to get rid of us and rush off to the loo. What a result. Flight was delayed...tut tut First Choice.  I kept glancing on the board at the word  "Delayed" and all of a sudden it changed to "Flight Closing". Well you'd have to have been there to appreciate how funny it was to see 275 people dive from shops, drop their forks, grab their baggage and all head at top speed to the Gate, it was truly hysterical. People were literally sprinting to it.  Then we all sat in the gate area for 20 minutes until it opened. Of course,  if you travel first class you'll know that you get to get on first anyway. Thing one broke her shoes in the dash. As I'd asked her about 300 times to pack you'd have thought she'd have brought some others but no, just a pair of flip flops, in fact her case was pretty much empty.  I suppose I could've done it for her but I didn't, I figured that one really needs to get to grips with packing at some point.  Women on desk actually said "Wow, this case is very light - is there actually anything in it".  Once finally on the plane I spent the entire time getting exceedingly drunk whilst chatting to dreadlocked giant man sat next to me.  I've never got drunk on a plane before and its not something I'd recommend.  Its one thing to have your bedroom spinning but to have the plane doing it is gross.  So that was the journey.  Jamaica is extraordinarily beautiful. Outside our apartment which was quite high up there were the hugest butterflies I've ever seen, hundreds of them, all different colours.  To the back of the apartment were trees, trees, and more trees.  I even spotted a hummingbird one morning. The sky was brilliant blue, the sand powdery and white and the sea filled with tropical fish that swam right up to you.  Blues, purples, stipey orange and white. Spent quite a bit of time snorkeling whilst building up my tan.  Now did I go a nice sunkissed shade of caramel or did I resemble a pink and white striped zebra for the best part of the holiday? I'll let you figure that out.  I met adorable friends, Mel, Kel, and Smell.  I'll let you decide for yourself as well on this one by checking out the photo.  Adorable or rough as old crocodile skins?  But they kept us company at night anyhow.  Thing one developed a clam like approach to anyone that spoke to her.  Which proved rather embarrasing for her. She also wouldn't go up to any of the food counters without me by her side.  So we've come along way since she was a toddler?  We only had one row, where I did Bat out of Hell impersonation.  I'd just about had enough of conversations that went a bit like this.
Me "Are you ready to go out Thing One? You look lovely"
Her "yep"
Me "Do I look ok?"
Her "No-one cares what you look like"

or
Me "Can't wait to go to Dunns Falls"
Her "Not going"
Me "Why not?"
Her "Don't want to, only care about getting tan"
Me "Well, I'm not leaving you here so you'd better get prepared for it"

It was during one of the excursion arguements that I finally tipped over the edge and I vaguely remember flying across the room and landing pretty much on top of her, telling her exactly what I thought of her.  I wont repeat it on here as its not pretty!  Things improved thereafter and we went to Dunns Falls which was awesome, she  had a wonderful time.  They do make you perform like monkeys though...could do without that.  Revenge I think.  And who can blame them? Lets see now, we could make all these stupid white tourists stand in freezing water waving their arms about whilst videoing them. My only bug bear...rep told me trainers would be fine, but on arrival the other rep pointed at them and said "Why u wear dem, ya, no one else where dem, dey all wear the hire shoes?" The entire coach load of people all stood and stared at my feet and they were indeed all wearing water shoes. I pointed out that my rep had said it ok and she's "Ya Man, I seen so many people bad accident in trainers"  Thanks for that.  Made me feel just great as I was about to climb up a huge great towering waterful.  Ps If you ever go to Dunns Falls, trainers are just fine.
The food was excellent, so much choice.  The only horrible meal I had was on the Jamaican Night...shouldn't really admit to this but it was ick.  Picked up a triangular thing that looked like something in batter, underneath it was a label which read "Yummy".  It was anything but.  Like eating bits of old rubber.
Managed to read 2 books whilst away.  Envy by Anna Godsbergen and something by Jeffrey Archer which was surprisingly good and given to me by a Canadian man who has invited me to meet him in St Maartens in the Autumn. 
Enough for now.  Have more blog catch up to follow as lots of events have been occuring.  Some good some bad, mainly bad.  Haven't the energy for it right now.

xxx

Garment finished yippee

Hi fellow bloggers and fans!

I have now finished dress number 2....and now I know I'll never be a seamstress.  Dress has been headache - looks ok now and at least I can wear it and know that it wasn't made in a sweatshop by low paid Indians or children (suspect they'd make a better job than I though). On the first dress fitting I discovered bodice too small so had to unpick seams and undo darts to salvage some fabric to fit round my rather rotund chest. Because of that the bodice seams no longer matched the skirt seams to I had to chop top of skirt off...oh bum de bums. Still, its kept me out of trouble for a couple of days.  Dress needs black pointy shoes and thick black belt. Photo not do dress justice. Paid visit to Thing Two's teacher today and presented her with Thing Two's diary  - I told thing two to keep diary for 2 weeks about her experiences with friends in playground and in general.  Tis damning evidence of daily bullying.  Bullying by Little Miss Ratbag. Little Miss Ratbag exceedling jealous of thing two regardless of Little Miss Ratbag living in enormous house with electric gates, a swimming pool in garden, being driven round in giant car with tinted windows worth more than my house and possessions put together, she also gets to holiday in Florida for 3 weeks every year.  I could go on but why she should be jealous of thing two God only knows. Also had follow up phone call from thing one's school regarding my meeting where I complained about lack of teaching and teachers especially in History and Geography.  Anyway school rang to let me know something will be done so I pointed out that this weeks History lesson had consisted of all class members being hande a word search on Henry VIII - lesson done. How appalling is that!!!

Cannot wait for weekend.  Have an event and a party to go to, so have been sunbathing all week in order to glow...not red but a nice glowing shade of caramel would be nice.
bye for now xx

Good day, bad day

I've knocked up another little dress for thing two.  This ones is a bit more day to day than the French Toile dress.  I might put some rick rack at bodice level..but as she likes dress as it is I don't really need to.

I've also been buying items left right and centre from e-bay, including 3 books.  Two of them are books from my childhood, had to buy an expensive vintage copy of The Tree that Sat down by Beverley Nichols.  I've bought it for Thing two but am reading it myself to remind myself why it was so special to me. I've also picked up a copy of When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit as Thing Two has a fascination with WWII at the moment and a copy of Green Smoke.  I read Green Smoke when I was about 8 and it spawned several years worth of holidays to Constantine Bay in Cornwall and a life time thing about King Arthur.  I insisted on going to Tintagel and used to dream about Sir Lancelot,  the round table and Camelot.  Camelot in my mind being a huge magical castle (think disney but made of bricks and mortar in the Cotswolds oh and of course a huge moat).

All round its a been a better week than last week.  Last Monday Thing One refused point blank to get up and go to school.  Waged War on thing one and managed to get her there in the first break.  Managed to do this by confiscating her phone, she somehow managed to get hold of my phone and hid it.  I was actually meant to be at work at this point!  Anyway, phone situation caused bit of a stale mate but not for long.  Hurled her school bag, shoes and blazer out of front door and told her she was next if she didn't get going of her own accord. She went.  Was so distraught by events that I organised big meeting with her school who have promised to support me, have also got a report from all her teachers which was surprisingly good. Teenagers eh!!!  Also had cause to visit Thing Two's head teacher re the bullying in her classroom.  I mentioned in my last post or maybe the one before that her best friends mother had said that Maddie was not to play with Thing Two....totally baffled by this. Anyway, she then proceeded to remove Maddie from the school completely.  Total havoc from Thing Two.  So many rumours, all of them unpleasant some of them involving thing two, quite a nighmare. Tis settling down now.

This week we are eating only food cooked from scratch.  What this means is that I spend ages in the kitchen and end up binning most of it.  Yesterday we all made together 3 huge home made pizzas with a zillion toppings.  I ate mine, they left theirs....why do I bother?

x

Mixed Bag this Weekend!

I've had a rollercoaster of a weekend and am quite glad its over.  I'll start with the good stuff.  First of all, check out the photo of the dress I made for Thing Two last week.  It's made of French Toile from Laura Ashley and cost about £8 to make.  The second photo is of my Luffa plants with their home made wigwams for support made from the chopped down eucalyptus which is still need of removing from garden.  Lets hope they grow some and give me a big harvest of luffa sponges, general idea of growing them is to replace my synthetic sponges and that of my friends and family with something a bit more natural.  I've also been visiting antiques centres all week and have selected the above vase as although its retro, designed by Anita Harris and is called Izzy the Owl, I've been watching antiques programmes for yonks and decided to collect a few pieces as investments for the future. I picked this one up for half the price it would go for currently if I were to auction straight away.  It wont always sit out of the way in my room, this is just temporary till I find a suitable place.  So, I've been pretty domesticated all week and then I hit the town with the Prawn on Friday night which ended in total disaster, now the Prawn always drinks wine to my vodka and it always goes straight to her head and she quite often is twice as drunk as I, Friday was no exception.  We went to a singles night just out of town, it got to about 11:30pm and I could see she was on her way so I put her in the smoking area (not for smoking - but to get her out of club and sat on bench while we waited for taxi) anyway the owner of the club came and told me she'd had an enquiry about me so off I went for 5 minutes to meet suitor.  Came back and the Prawn was gone - turns out she had slumped forward and slid onto floor face first, unfortunately smashing head on concrete floor.  Oh God!!! That was just start of it all, we had to get her from the loos into a soft seating area then wait for an ambulance.  Once at the hospital she was put into a cubicle with a rehydrating drip and we were left till 5am.  I sat in chair and tried to sleep but couldn't. She snored till 4am then woke and had major concussion.  Was like being with totally crazy person.  We had the same conversation about 30 times, which always began with her saying "Why am I here", I'd explain it all and then 5 minutes later she'd ask me again.  I managed to get back to my house at 6:30 am.  What a nightmare.  She seems to be in a place of denial and is telling everyone that her drink had clearly been spiked.  Yeah righto!! I am so glad she is ok though - they kept her in last ngiht and she has some fractures in face but nothing that wont settle.  Major wake up call. Went to visit twice yesterday with various items and will pop and see her tomorrow night. 

On a much lighter note I did The Race for Life today.  Had a brilliant run.  Really enjoyed it.  Just what I needed. 

xxx

Bank Holiday Monday

Today I woke up and finally feel better. Can't tell you how glad I am. Had a quality day with the Prawn and Thing Two at the Fun Day in Much Hadham.  Blossoms galore and the sun was out, albeit not very strongly due to winds. I picked up some vintage Wade Whimsies for 50p for two on a stall - Bargain. Apart from that the Fun Day was a bit of a flop so headed to very beautiful garden centre where they serve free tea and coffee. See - there is a God! I also had a slice of fruit cake, since I'd woken up with a craving for it. Am giving stomach whatever it requests for a few days and so far thats been limited to Heinz tomato soup, cornish pasties and rice crispies.  Did attempt a roast dinner last night but ate very little of it. Whilst I've not been well Thing Two has been creating pastels and today she displayed them for me to purchase. I chose 4 which came to £2.90. I received a proper receipt, care instructions and a voucher for 15% off my next purchase.  Am very pleased with my buys and have framed them ready to put up already. Last night I had a huge burst of energy and made her a dress.  It's finished all for a button to be sewn on.  Photo to follow.  Am planning to surprise her with a dress in same fabric (French toile from Laura Ashley) for Coco the bear.
xx