still in Tenerife

Well here I am again in sweaty casino where the cheap internet kiosks are. Been for lovely Italian meal today, last night was chinese, which we trailed across town for, right `past all the more upmarket and swanky hotels. Hotel Tropical Gardens rathe r alot nicer than Palm Beach Club. I said yesterday that the presentation was 5 hours long, and so it was but to be fair it was quite fair. I am reckoning that they profiled me and matche dme to sales rep with lots in common. Lynsay very nice and very like me so after 5 hours of chatting I was very at home in her company. I´ve also sussed that part of the sales patter is that they tell you they will get rocketed by the boss if you don´t buy or invest, this it to make you feel guilty. Then the boss comes over at the end and actually tells the sales rep off right in front of you and leaves a really sour note to whole experience. I care not. Lynsay just bought an Alfa Romeo T Spark so she´s doin ok. and Slime bucket boss from Surrey was just vile. I no feel guilty, and I told him I was there for the cheap holiday that they offered me and that I´d upheld my obligations and thats all that is required of me.
Can´t wait to come home. Want to see my secret lover.
the things have been really good today and they were pretty good throughout the 5 hr presentation yesterday as well. But I seem to have spent a ridiculous amount of money on eating out, so may have to be a bit more frugal for rest of hols. thing two had some cornrows in Lanzarote but we took them out yesterdya as they falling out and looking horrid. Also on last night in Lanzarote we went in club house and played Deal or No deal and drank (well I did anyway) loads a cocktails. Harvey Wallpaper Hangers and we actually won a prize...a jar of pasta sauce, some pasta shapes and a camel lolly. Then this woman from Newport (almost everyone there was from Newport) fell over and knocked herself out and they had to call for an ambulance. It´s all go in Lanzarote!! Thing two won the weeks colouring competition. Top Star Thing Two! Tenerife not as hot as Lanzarote. Lanzarote like furnace. In face our Road was called the Avenida de Cauldron. Ha ha. Gotta go, am over heating here and think I could do with another drink.
xxx
ps the sand here is dark grey and when its wet it goes black and sludgy. Girls love it.

Tenerife

well I´m still on my vacation. We are now in Tenerife. Had massive massive row in cabin of ferry en-route. Journey from hell . Felt like I was confined in cage with 2 wild animals. They have fought like cat and dog. They have been much better since only batteirng each other a few times since. If I was ever concerned that thing one was becoming anorexic I know realise I don´t need to worry. She is a total gannet and can easily out eat me at any given moment. I have never seen such consumption. Lost phrase book just when I needed it most at the port in Gran Canaria where we were held in limbo. Got the massive hump as whole place filled with machines for coffee, ice cream etc except that no change available and morons behind kiosks non cooperative. So have taken to speaking in English but just adding io on end of everything ie. changio, stupidio, cowio, tosserio, wankerio. you get the picture. Anyway here we are at our luxury timeshare accommodation, which i got at expensive of 100 pounds on condition that io attend presentation, which was today. OK guess how long it ttok? 5 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, but did not buyt one evenb when snake from Surrey got decidedly shitty. Gotta go time running out and am tired. xxxx

Canary Adventure

I am in an internet cafe in Lanzagrote. I´ve just stuffed myself and the things with amazing tapas. So good and total bill only came to 22 euros including drinks. It´s been spectactularly hot and I have gone and got as usual a wee bit of suburn. But as I bought this special aloe vera 100% lotion it shouldn´t be a problem. Apparently it cure pretty much everything. I have also got conjunctivitus. Bout right for holidays. This particularly holiday got off to a bad note but has settled down and we´re having a good time. The things drove me to complete distraction for the first 2 days, what with their stupid tantrums, swearing, fighting, moaning and general spoil behaviour. Threatened them with coming home early ... I really meant it too. Thing two succumbed to my nagging to go to the kids club and I went out and found another teenage thing and invited her to our apartment to play Klutz with thing one. (cut out paper dolls) Chloe goes to a private school in oxford and starts school at 8 and finishes at 8pm everynight, I suspect they have zero in common. They just sat and giggled for 10 minutes and then apparently after 20 minutes of being left alone they finally spoke to each other. God this is hard work. Thing two has cornrows, which have bits of sunburn in between them. A nice lady from Senegal did them. Apparently Senegal is quite close by. We managed to get ourselves to a very hot market the other day and bought lots of random items, incluidng the aloe vera stuff, a purse, a bracelet and a tile with the words lanzarote on it. Something else which iç can´t recall. I was then ill that night...too much sun, stress, and lasagne. Was proper ill in loo. I had also pulled muscle in shoulder and things being very unsympathetic. Twas round about this time that I issued threat. Shoulder much better as are my nervers. Managed to read my book for a whole 2 hours under palm tress today. Persuasion by Jane Austen. Anyway, we´re moving islands in a day or so, so will report back soon xxx