It's the weekend yippee

Have you ever tried putting an entire eucalyptus tree into bin liners? No of course not. Well I have. The council will collect tree provided its in a bag. ha ha ha very funny. They will collect in batches of 8 bags at a time by giving me an allocated time slot for collection. So far I've filled 7 bags and its made very little impact on pile of tree in garden. Garden is hideous mess. I have borrowed burny bin thing from Shamelss but am unable to get it to burn anything. Would make crap arsonist.
I've taken my thriftyness to new heights and actually bought pre-loved dress the other day and have been wearing it..you'd never know, except I keep telling people. Got big mouth you see...can't keep it shut. The thing is if I want a new car and holidays in the Caribbean I'm simply going to have to buckle my belt and stop spending.
Its been a rather sad week as EH's Aunt Shirley died suddenly in her bed. She leaves many sad people behind. RIP Shirl.
On the other hand its been bloody marvellous, I've had supremely effective visit from Secret Lover - who is now lamenting over being pushed out of way father of 2 and being bossed about by ex girlfriend who is demanding money by crateful. Think he should shut up whining and make most of it, we're not here long enough. Wouldn't say that to him though...he so unhappy.
I've made up with Malaria, life's too short to have enemies, besides she love me, so she says. I have also sold stacks of stuff on e-bay, found an old friend on Facebook who has invited me to visit her in Boston, US. Feeling a trip stateside coming on perhaps next year. So many places to go and not enough time to do it all. I've got invitations coming out of my ears at the moment, so nice to be in demand. On Thursday night I took myself and thing two along to Brownies and before I could help myself I found myself volunteering my services once a week to help them...so I shall be known as a unit helper. I feel myself drawn more and more to the village and would so like to live there. Think it would suit me so well would like little white cottage with roses round door where I would wear Cath Kidson aprons whilst make jam which will win prizes for miles around. I shall have open gardens where people will come and admire my Holly Hocks and buy cups of tea and cakes. I shall be chair of the WI and also be a Brown Owl whilst sitting of various committees organising fetes and charity functions. oh.
Did I mentions the Book Fair, I think I forgot, well it was very good. The Brain, Janet and I decided to try and get as many freebies as possible. Icame away with 27 pens, a frisbee, 2 footballs, 5 novels, a condom?, 3 notepads, 3 diaries, a higlighter, 4 stress toys, 4 keep for life bags, a torch and a bout a kilo of sweets and a piece of cake. Not bad eh? Also met Nick Cave (ex rock star) who has written crap book copy of which he handed to me whilst dressed up as rabbit. Got photo of that, will put it on tomorrow.
byeeeee
Mint xx

Tropical Paradise - here?

It's still the Easter holidays, which means that I don't have to do any school runs which can go either way, I get a whole afternoon of uninterrupted activity (usually housework) or I end up nodding off...today has been the latter. There I was reading/snoozing upstairs when thing two calls up to me "Can Raven come into play?" "of course", says I "Raven wants to see my gerbils". Alarm rushes through me...what if Raven eats them. "Err, I'd rather you kept them in their cage". Eventually curiosity got better of me and I went downstairs to take a peck, I mean peek at Raven. Was expecting to see trail of feathers leading from front door to child size black bird with enormous wingspan, preening itself with beak in my conservatory. Pleasantly surprised to be greeted by small boy human playing with Pet Shop toys. Decided to keep conversation to minimum in case I had tourettes moment and kept making involuntary bird quips. Or worse still, I might burst into song, "The Birdie Song" or "I believe I can Fly", or The Carpenters, "Close to You".
Had a nice adventure out of town on Tuesday, we went to Centerparcs. Found it rather nice..much better than expected, had been filled with intrepidation that might be extortionately expensive...not too bad. On arrival things and Michelle's things (we went with Michelle - separate cars) went to sweet shop and purchased for cost of £1.50 each a sherbet tube..that was all they could afford. I did take photo of offending tube but it not come out...conspiracy of centerparcs...all photos of expensive items self destruct in camera. They went off to play in park whilst Michelle andI had hour long coffee break. Hooray. She had a coffee mocha and I opted for regular coffee at half the price which gave me refills.. ha ha...can't help myself, been brainwashed by thrifty book. Coffee consumed we headed for Tropical Paradise swimming pool. Very hot and humid in there, felt quite faint at first. Full of very pale british people all slightly overweight, ony to be expected. Discovered lots of slides, went down big tubey slide with thing two, slid underwater and surfaced with feeling that I'd swalled 12 razorblades. Aaargh. Horrid swimming pooly feeling. Retreated to seats and comfort from pink towel then stuffed face with ryvitas and houmous. Am creature of habit. Also took dip in whirlpool, lasted exactly 15 seconds in there, before leaping out shrieking "oh my eyes, my eyes" actually in reality I was more discreet, it like sitting in bubbling heated chlorine/eyewatering acid. Then found hot wall.It's heated to 40degrees and you stand against it looking like total lemon. After tropical pool experience took things and Ellie on a pedalo, argued with my things for the entire 30 minutes about who will steer and who will pedal and where we should pedalling to. Must have made entertaining listening to all other pedalo occupants, who were gently wafting round lake. Exhausting. Was glad when that over. Had big lake walk. Saw hundreds of rabbits..ah. Villas that people stay in were bit of surprise. Not exactly villas, more like sixties prefabs. Then as you will see from photos we all bundled onto giant spinning swing. Much fun and frolics in playground before heading to Cafe Rouge for appalling service but really good value and very very nice Breton Poulet. Final act of day was spending lots of time roaming car park in small groups trying to find blessed cars, yelling occasionally, "you found it yet? or where are ya?" into darkness. Perfect day out...fell into deepest slumber ever once home only to be awoken by ranting texts of Grafitti. Made no sense whatsoever and have concluded that they may have been random song lyrics by crazy druggy lyricist? Perhaps..hope so, surely he can't be that mad for real. Am changing phone number.
Thats all for now folks. Am off to make dinner.
Minty xx

puppies, dead trees, injured dolls

I awoke this morning with the themetune to Magic Roundabout going round in my head...still there. Figured I would illustrate garden crisis. As you can see garden desolate mess, even washingline lying unconscious on lawn, fainted from shock and has not yet been revivived. Tree roots yet to be removed. I will never plant another tree again. Also, please note thing two's handywork which still inhabits decking and it's been raining making it all the more icky job to clear up. Am hoping for high winds in the night that might take it away without me having any input. Received booty call at 2am from Secret Lover...nothing doing. Could note awake myself sufficiently. Is big nerve anyway. In my coma I also forgot to mention puppies but have decided that next time I get puppy request I will text back the following:
"Puppies gone, too much of handful...unable to support them any longer, gone to better home, sold to thin lady from thoughtful-on-the-mature, her need greater than mine". That should stop him in his tracks. Am currently clearing out toy box trying to match decapitated heads and amputated limbs back onto correct torso's and then will attempt to dress all dolls. Am thinking BootSale. hmmm.
Must go, dolls in pain, they calling me. Am Nurse Mint. xx Happy Easter

Good Friday

Here we are again, Easter. Suffering here, finding the things scoffing eggs agonisingly awful. Like full blown torture. Am also bored stupid. I've done housework all day...windows in and out. I've had my Eucalyptus tree cut down...garden now resembles cleared rainforest. Feel very guilty, I grew it from a foot high, but really growing 40ft tree in tiny garden not practical, very unpractical as it turns out...roots impeding next doors vegetable patch culminating in 2 broken forks...oooops. What to do with 40ft tree on back lawn giving me big problem. Hope council will help me. Must drag tree onto front lawn and wreck that too. Thing two has taken 4 branches and striped bark off of it with hand trowel and left bark all over decking. Sometimes you have to weight up the mess with the amount of time it keeps them occupied. Mess will take 5 minutes to clear, bark took 4 hours to strip. ~Win win. Thing one has boyfriend. She very smiley. His name is Dylan...must remember to ask him should I get chance if his parents big fans of Magic Roundabout. Drove Thing one to Brent Cross shopping Centre yesterday for new clothes and came home and celebrated as I actually managed to get her pair of jeans..usually she rejects all items purchased. So, told her she could have whatever she wanted...came home with jeans, 1 grey cardigan to add to her grey cardigan collection, 4 tops, no swimsuit and no shoes...grrrr. Means I shall have to do it all over again. Thing one quite horrified at big mess of derelct houses lining one side of North Circular road. Culture shock. Came home and consumed half bottle of wine and rather lot of cigarettes. Will do same again tonight. Am reading very good book, chick lit with a twist. Chick lit with does of domestic violence...puts me in mind of when I went to doctors some years ago and told doctor I feeling down..she got leaflets out, and looked at me sympathetically and started telling me statistics of domestic violence etc etc and how she understood. Looked very disappointed when I said I no have man in life and no such thing occuring in my house. She slid leaflets back in drawer. Back to books...have also purchased amazing book. The Thrift Book by India Knight. I read it daily and have fallen in love with it...bit like when I found How Clean is Your House.. In truth I crave being good at the domestic bit but it not come that easy...am incapable of keeping house clean.. But thrift now there's an area that I am good at. Never pay full price for stuff. Grown own veg etc,make own cards, make cakes and cook from scratch and can make one chicken feed 200 people and have leftovers for soup. Am also avid e-bayer. Am firm believer in universe delivering and whilst I have been writing this blog page Shameless female 1 has paid visit for cup of tea and it has triggered memory of bonfire in old bin in their garden last year. They agreed to lend me burny bin...this solve eucalyptus problem. But might fall out with neighbours. phwar.
Bath calling me, Thing two has just confessed to snogging boy (at age 7!!!) thats ok, at least it not a girl.
Mint xx
ps Received text from Secret Lover last night telling me he hurt heel and could I send him picures of the puppies to cheer him up. This is second text I have had asking me same thing, ignored first text. He clearly seeing someone else. Was prepared to overlook it last time but think he should be more careful not to get his phone numbers mixed up. Who is this woman who has puppies? I intend to find out.

Moneymaker

Tis the end of a pretty good weekend. I actually turned in at 8:30 this evening, mainly because I was totally exhausted and also due to over consumption of wine left over from Friday night which I had I decided to drink whilst cooking dinner, love that Sunday afternoon feeling when its warm outside, and after a glass of wine whilst peeling spuds and chopping carrots you get a slightly fuzzy hottish feeling. Prawn came for dinner having been sent home from work (as barmaid) because she got the shakes whilst pulling pint of Carlsberg and as I'm sure you can imagine getting the shakes whilst pulling pints is kind of disastrous and hard to miss. She was ok by the time she'd eaten my dinner and drank some wine. I had celebratory slice of chocolate cake this evening as my e-bay item sold for £21 and I was only expecting about a fiver. Cake was make by Thing one first thing this morning, she and her house guests (2 x 12 year olds who'd had sleepover here) made this rather yummy chocolate cake but couldn't get oven to work - what a bunch of pillocks! Oven works fine for me, however one half of handle came off rendering oven on brink of disaster, just hope that other half goes when I'm cooking oven chips and not free range chicken stuffed with parnips and apple, suspect that once handle gone, whatever food is cooking will be trapped forever. Putting food in it will be like playing Russian Roulette from now on.
Did Bootsale today, not especially profitable, but got to sit in sun all afternoon, sold TV with no remote, not even sure it'll work without it, but as I explained to customer that is why it only £3. Took 6 hand reared tomato plants (moneymakers) along with me as experiment and they sold straight away....more where they came from, I've got basil, bizzy lizzies, snap dragons and something else which escapes me right now. Also swapped hideous spongebob toy to woman on stall next door for pair of red pyjamas with stars on them. Told her they perfect for me as I only wear red in bed. They look new. Also bought Thing Two's brownie uniform on e-bay much to disgust of her father and my mother in law....to be quite frank I do not see any glory in lining the pockets of Top Form (overly priced uniform shop at end of road)and would rather save money to go towards preplacement car as my current car is knackered. Yes, I did say Brownies. We've been going for 2 whole weeks now and I have decided to offer my services whenever thing two is there...not worth driving home as brownies in rural villagy location full of posh people as was boot sale. Brownies are loud and crazy, as are their leaders, Brown Owl, Tawny owl, barn owl and snowy owl. Thing two has not only embraced Brownies but has built an alter in her bedroom encompassing two pink stools, a checked table cloth, bible and gold elephant with joss stick poking out of top which she sits and prays in front of. Only other news to report is that my POD although in present cicumstances she will by known as my mum has fallen down a man hole near the river and broken her hand, possibly nose and has hurt ribs. Have got chocs for her and am visiting tomorrow. Poooor mummy. Some passers by drove her all the way back to her house in Stortford. Good samaritans. Would like to thank them.
mint xx
Ps Thing two not allowed to light joss stick in her room, only to be lighted by me in front room - just thought I'd mention that in case any social workers read this.

Houses

Good morning

And what a beautiful morning it is too. I am extremely excited because today I received a letter from a long lost cousin, she went to Canada when I was 15 and I haven't seen her since, anyway she has told me that my Aunt Beryl has passed away and that she has left me an island in the middle of a Lake!!! Imagine that. It's got a 6 bedroomed house, with a jetty that goes out over the lake, a private speedboat, hot tub and all mod cons. There is also some cash and I've just investigated and there is a book publishers in the nearest town along with an all girls school and other fabulous attractions. So, I'm off. Soon as possible. Can't wait to get there. I've booked my tickets and will be having a leaving party very soon. All to be invited.
Talking about enormous houses Thing Two got invited to a party on saturday, my ex husband took her and told me the size of it was ridiculous etc and he wasn't kidding either. When I arrived it took ages to get through the electric gates and then there was room for 20 cars in their own private car park, which is monitored by no less than 4 cctv cameras operated on giant screens from the kitchen. The mum invited me in and it was pretty chaotic so I went in search of thing two and actually got lost! I found myself in the Disney room, which was pretty amazing and that lead into the jukebox room which had old fashioned rocking horses, 2 Wurlizers and tons of other enormous memorobilia. I could also see that there was a room dedicated to CD's and DVD's and that was only a tiny part of the house. Wow. How the other half live. I then waited in the car park for 20 minutes to escape as so many other mums had all blocked me in. They really ought to get proper lines painted on their car park. When I move into my lake house I am so going to have lines in my car park.
minty xx